Why Do You Do It?

By Jacob James Grigware

Mama, I am stressed

I take Honors classes

AP too

I have straight A’s

My shoulder

It aches

I have to do physical therapy

For a year, it has frustrated me

I have to perform

to get on stage

To take a risk and be vulnerable

Something yall will never know

I write creatively

To somehow express the thoughts

And I draw

To somehow show the images

And I play music

Because it brings me emotion

And I workout

To discipline myself

I have to show up

For my friends in a different way than

my mentors in a different way than

my sisters in a different way than

You 

and him

And I do

Show up

But those are all excuses

Because I am not stressed

Despite taking the unnecessary classes

I barely have to try

My shoulder

Feels better

In fact

It has pulled me from the assholes

I love performing

Being on stage

With those I love

Something yall will never know

I write creatively

To somehow express the thoughts

That rage inside my brain

Just so that  I can ameliorate the pain

I draw 

To somehow show the harrowing images

That flash in my mind

Oh the Gore

I play music

Because it gives me feeling

Something that just so happens 

to be rare for me

I workout to discipline myself

So that one day

Perhaps I will be as disciplined enough

As I need to be to put up a fight

I get to show up

for my friends

my sisters

my mentors

I have to show up for you

And him

In a different way than

Everyone else

But I do it anyways

Because I can

have the best of both worlds

And I will

But you will never know

Why I do it

I do it because of him

Because you support him

Because I watch yall do it

Because I look up to yall

Because I have always come to yall

For everything  I ever needed

And it is yall

Who has taught me 

This is the way to do it

So this is why I do it

To work

To care

To give

To appreciate

To respect

To love

To show up

And I do

But I also 

Get fucked up

I love getting fucked up

Just like yall

And here you are

Standing before me

Asking me

Son, Why do you do it?

By Jacob James Grigware