Why Do You Do It?
By Jacob James Grigware
Mama, I am stressed
I take Honors classes
AP too
I have straight A’s
My shoulder
It aches
I have to do physical therapy
For a year, it has frustrated me
I have to perform
to get on stage
To take a risk and be vulnerable
Something yall will never know
I write creatively
To somehow express the thoughts
And I draw
To somehow show the images
And I play music
Because it brings me emotion
And I workout
To discipline myself
I have to show up
For my friends in a different way than
my mentors in a different way than
my sisters in a different way than
You
and him
And I do
Show up
But those are all excuses
Because I am not stressed
Despite taking the unnecessary classes
I barely have to try
My shoulder
Feels better
In fact
It has pulled me from the assholes
I love performing
Being on stage
With those I love
Something yall will never know
I write creatively
To somehow express the thoughts
That rage inside my brain
Just so that I can ameliorate the pain
I draw
To somehow show the harrowing images
That flash in my mind
Oh the Gore
I play music
Because it gives me feeling
Something that just so happens
to be rare for me
I workout to discipline myself
So that one day
Perhaps I will be as disciplined enough
As I need to be to put up a fight
I get to show up
for my friends
my sisters
my mentors
I have to show up for you
And him
In a different way than
Everyone else
But I do it anyways
Because I can
have the best of both worlds
And I will
But you will never know
Why I do it
I do it because of him
Because you support him
Because I watch yall do it
Because I look up to yall
Because I have always come to yall
For everything I ever needed
And it is yall
Who has taught me
This is the way to do it
So this is why I do it
To work
To care
To give
To appreciate
To respect
To love
To show up
And I do
But I also
Get fucked up
I love getting fucked up
Just like yall
And here you are
Standing before me
Asking me
Son, Why do you do it?
By Jacob James Grigware
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