Trust Me With My Dreams

By Krishna priya Madasani

“Why can’t you listen to me this time? It’s for your happiness and a well-settled career. As a father, I’ll always chose what’s best for you”

“I can’t see any future there most importantly my happiness then how can you dad? How can I do something which I’m not passionate about? How can I dad?”

“Ria, not every time we can get what we need. Sometimes it’s better to let go of somethings. Lookup for what life will offer you and try to find your way through it. In this life, this is what i can provide you with. You are studying the course I choose. Think about it tomorrow and accept it. Because, day after tomorrow the college begins and I want you to go. No more protests. End of discussion.”

*******

Ria’s POV

I woke up panting in my sleep. Sweat dripping of my forehead. I reached for my bottle on bedside table and drank some water which calmed me down somehow. I checked my phone to see what time it is and realised it’s quite early in the morning.

All the memories about yesterday’s fight with my dad came flooding to my mind, suffocating me. I’m so overwhelmed with all this drama and all I want to do at the moment is to get the hell out of here, far from everything, somewhere dazzling and peaceful. But, I couldn’t and I won’t. I need to face it. I’ll speak for myself, voice out my thoughts. I’ll fight it. But, can I stand against my father? What if my decision proved to be wrong in the near future? Will my dad ever trust me again? Most importantly do I have a choice here? Can I convince him? Ooh! so many questions. Thinking about them is exhausting and it is also not time for me to think of worst possibilities. I should me optimistic.

To clear my mind, I need to get more sleep and embrace myself for what comes next. I tried but I couldn’t sleep again. I mean how could I sleep if all these things kept on replaying in my mind, mocking me. So, I decided to divert my mind over something else until I’m ready to face it.

After realising it is 6am, I got up from my bed and after some daily routine I headed to the gym. Blowing off some steam might help me to think clearly. I spent an hour doing some workouts. Later my friend, Sarah called me and demanded to meet her at a café nearby to which I’m all dressed up to go now.

As I reached the café, I soon found Sarah, sitting near the large window at a corner waving at me as I made my way there. “Hey girl! you look tedious. What happened?” I know she is referring to the dark circles under my eyes. Sighing I sat before her with dejected look.

“As usual. You know my disagreement with my father’s choice. Same fight but now he seems more serious and stubborn with his decision. He even ordered me to begin my college from tomorrow. Guess I have no more choice.” Sighing, I slowly started sipping my coffee, already ordered by my friend and served just in time.

“Gosh! family drama again. So, it seems like you couldn’t escape this time. Now what are you planning to do?” She asked me sipping her coffee rather slowly. “I don’t know what to do anymore. How to make him see my point. This whole ordeal is making me depressed. I came to seek some comfort from you.”

“What can I say or do in this matter? Should I convince you to follow the path chosen by your father or to go against him? Listen, whatever I say, they will be just talks. What matters most is what you want to do. Go with your guts. If you really want to convince your father then I suggest you to have a heart-to-heart conversation with him. Have a peaceful talk with him. Don’t fight like you usually do. I know you can do this. Now cheer up girl.” Her words did some magic, lessening my burdens. My lips curved up forming a smile of relief. “Yeh! I’ll try this out. Now tell me why did you call me? Anything important to discuss?” I asked her after realising, she is the one who called me in the first place.

“It can wait you know. I can see you are more troubled with your problems right now. We can discuss this later. Trust me.” She said while holding my hand reassuringly. “We can discuss it anytime like even now you know. I agree right now I’m so fu*ked up with my things but remember I will always have time for you, for anything that concerns you. They are important to me as much as mine meant to you. I’ll be there for you always.” I said emotionally while remembering all the times she is there for me when I need. She is truly a cherished friend. I can see her tears which are threatened to fall so I quickly moved beside her and kissed her cheeks, asking her not to cry. She is such an emotional freak. We both sat there hugging each other, comforting for some time.

Later, I bid farewell to her and returned to my home, quickly running to my bedroom without my mom’s notice. I don’t want to see her right now, after she bailed on me taking my father’s side. I lay on my bed, staring at nothing particular, thinking about Sarah’s words. I really need to do something about it. This is my life, my career and I have right to decide what I want to study. So, with a strong resolution, I decided to write a letter to my father, pouring all my heart out. By the time I completed the letter, I’m starving because I forgot to have my breakfast, too immersed in my thoughts. But I guess my hunger can wait. Because I have more pressing issue at my hands. I clutched the letter firmly in my hands as I made my way towards my father’s study. I gently knocked on the door and after hearing my dad’s voice, I pushed the door open and made my way to his table. By gently dropping the letter before him, I told him to read it now and quickly rushed back to my room even before he could respond.

Now, I’m all alone in my room scared to my wits about what the outcome will be. How will he react? Will it make him furious? Maybe I can convince him with the letter. Sighing I sat at the edge of the bed while predicting his reaction by recalling my letter.

*LETTER*

Dear dad,

I know it’s a silly move, writing a letter like a coward instead of facing you directly like you always taught me. I’m sorry dad. I couldn’t talk to you openly while facing you directly so I chose this path.

Dad I’m aware that you love me and care for me enough to dream along with me about my successful career. Unfortunately, both of us chosen different paths to reach our common goal. I too dreamt about my successful career unlike you it also includes a jubilant and peaceful career which I can only get by doing what I truly desire. To me, money means nothing if I earn them stressfully or forcefully. I want to truly enjoy my job. I want to be passionate about it. It fulfils me, doing something of my liking. For which I need to choose my own path, leading me to my goals. I always respect you and your choices too. I can see where this is coming from. Dad, I know you always hope for my wellbeing but trust me this time. Trust me with my dreams, my choices.

So, Dad, Now I want to make the decision by myself. About the course I study or the career I will choose and I want you to support me like you always did the other times. I need your blessing and approval in every aspect of my life. I can’t go on without them or without you dad. So, I want you to respect my choice.

I may not get success right away. I may face many obstacles in the path I choose. But, trust me dad I’m willing to take my chances. I believe, my goals are worth of it. And I want you by my side not against me. I need you to encourage me and pick me up when I stumble over. I want the courage that I have when I’m with you. I need you like a shelter that warms me up when I’m cold.

I’ll be delighted if you could once put yourself in my shoes and understand me like the way I want you too. But, dad, always know that I love you, irrespective of what decision you might make. The love and respect I have for you will never change.

With love,

Ria

****

A gentle knock on the door pulled me back from my thoughts. As I opened the door, there stood my dad, holding my letter with emotionless face. He left after asking me to come to his study. What have I done? Is he furious? have I messed up the whole thing? My mind thought of various things as I made my way to his study. Slowly, I sat in front of him with my shaking hands, sweaty palms. I don’t know I’m nervous because of him or his decision. I think the latter is what I’m so scared off. He started speaking but I couldn’t fathom his words due to my nervous breakdown. By the time I fully grasped what he said, I started jumping, startling my father. The relief I felt is inexplicable. I hugged my dad and kissed his both cheeks while mumbling ‘thank you’.

“By seeing the smile on your sparkling face, I know, I made the right decision. Sorry baby for not perceiving you beforehand.” He said while kissing my forehead. I’m over cloud nine. My emotions are so clouded right now that I couldn’t reply to him. I just stood there hugging him, burying my head into his chest. He slowly patted my back to calm down me.

“I love you so much daddy. Your approval means a lot to me. I’ll definitely make you proud one day. Not today but one day.” I said to him after composing myself.

My dreams, here I come, to chase you away.

*AFTER SIX YEARS*

Here I am, standing proudly in front of my parents, holding my first pay check. “I’m so proud of you Ria.” My dad said, his face glowing with happiness. His words made me feel like my efforts are paid off.

The journey through the path I chosen had not been easy. I had faced many hardships and challenging encounters through my whole journey. Disappointments, discouragements and judgements what not. People talk always. They did talk about me. It made me feel so helpless until one day I stopped listening to them and started doing things in my own way. Letting everybody know that their talks doesn’t matter anymore. At the beginning, I’m sluggish at learning things and easily defeated by others. But, my determination to achieve what I truly desire and my passion to make my parents proud motivated me to overcome my obstacles and rise through my mistakes.

Through my whole journey, never did my father stopped encouraging me. He stood by my side through thick and thin, true to his words. The experiences that I have in these six years taught me many things about life that how unique one can live their life. Every thing depends on our perspective. The moment I stopped seeing myself with other people’s eyes, is the moment I realized how I want to live myself. Now I framed my own definition of life and I live up to it. All the things I have learnt and will probably learn will be remembered by me.

THE END

By Krishna priya Madasani