Settling into Stillness - By Sonali Jadhav

Written By: Sonali Jadhav

Category: Essay

Competition: Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026

Sonali Jadhav's essay, "Settling into Stillness," is a poignant exploration of self-discovery and the embrace of solitude. Featured in the Essay category of the Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026 by Hashtag Kalakar, this reflective piece delves into the theme of finding peace and authenticity within oneself, amidst the noise of societal expectations and external judgments.

About the Work

In "Settling into Stillness," Sonali Jadhav crafts a narrative rich with introspection and calm acceptance. The essay captures the essence of finding one's true self, away from the performative aspects of life. Through a gentle yet firm voice, Jadhav conveys the journey from societal labels to personal peace, using vivid imagery and heartfelt confessions that resonate deeply with the reader.

Settling into Stillness

Original Submission by Sonali Jadhav

Settling into Stillness

There was a time I used to wonder what I was turning into.

The calls I stopped making. The gatherings I stopped attending. The messages I let sit unanswered for days, sometimes forever. The family events I opted out of without explanation. The relationships I quietly closed the door on - not out of hatred, not out of drama, but simply because I could no longer afford the cost of staying in them.

I wondered if I was becoming cold. Unreachable. A version of myself I wouldn't recognize.

But somewhere between the wondering and the silence, I found an answer I wasn't expecting.

I wasn't changing into anything. I was finally settling into myself.

It didn't happen overnight. It took four decades after being labelled - silent, attitude, anti-social, uncaring - to understand that most labels say more about the discomfort of the person giving them than about the person receiving them. I was never cold. I was careful. There's a difference that the world rarely stops long enough to notice.

I grew up learning to read rooms, manage reactions, stay small so others could stay comfortable. I got very good at it. So good that I lost track of where their needs ended and mine began. And when I eventually stopped performing - stopped pretending when all was well, but it wasn't, stopped showing up places that cost me weeks of recovery - the world called it a problem.

I've stopped calling any of it as a problem.

There are people who show up when it matters. I call them - rarely, maybe twice or three times a year. That's not neglect. That's honesty. I'd rather have one real conversation in a season than multiple hollow check-ins.

There is one person who said, without me having to fight for it - if it's a no, we're not talking about it again. I am still learning what to do with that kind of acceptance. It is unfamiliar in the best way. Yes, it is him.

Not loud. Not demanding. Not keeping score.

The hardest relationships to grieve are the ones that never quite became what they were supposed to be. Not because of hatred. But because of all the unspoken things that piled up over years, until the weight of them made closeness impossible.

I have stopped performing closeness where I don't feel. With anyone. Even the relationships the world considers compulsory, I am no longer pretending about.

There were times I showed up anyway. Called anyway. Attended anyway - not because my heart was in it, but because I believed that was what love required. It wasn't love - it was obligation. It wasn't belonging - it was performance. And what came back? Name-calling. And things worse than that, said in front of people who stayed quiet.

That was the moment something shifted permanently in me. Not out of anger - I am past anger. But out of a quiet, clear recognition: I had been giving myself to people who had already decided who I was. No amount of showing up was going to change that verdict.

So, I stopped showing up for the verdict.

And I started showing up for myself instead. Done shrinking my peace to manage someone else's feelings.

I don't say this often. I probably should say it more. But he is the reason I didn't scatter. The reason the stillness I've found feels safe rather than lonely. And I really don't wish to see it breaking anymore. Our tiny space, our small family, our peace of mind, our respect for each other - this is the architecture of everything I never had growing up. Built quietly, without fanfare, without anyone watching. Just the two of us, figuring out what home actually means.

He has never asked me to be more than I am. On the days I went silent, he didn't chase the silence with questions - kept waiting for normalcy from my side. On the days I said no, he didn't dress it up as something I needed to fix. He simply stayed - steady, unhurried - rooted, where others would have walked away sooner.

I intend to protect it. Not out of fear. Out of love.

Some people need a crowd to feel held. I just need him.

And there is my daughter. And there is writing. And there is the particular quality of silence that comes when you stop filling every moment with noise that was never yours to carry.

That is my life right now. Small by some measures. Enormous by mine.

I am not looking for more. I am not inching towards fuller, more social, more available version of myself. This is not a phase or a wound or a work in progress.

This is a replenishing season for myself. And I am in no hurry to leave it.

They called it withdrawal. I call it returning - to the only place I ever truly lived: inside my own quiet.

No audience needed. No explanation owed. Just this - the stillness I spent forty years earning.

About the Competition

The Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026 by Hashtag Kalakar is a celebrated event showcasing diverse voices in the arts. This competition is a platform for writers to share their unique perspectives and stories in various genres, including poetry, essays, and creative writing, fostering a community of creativity and expression.

We extend our heartfelt thanks to Sonali Jadhav for her moving contribution, "Settling into Stillness," to the Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026. Her essay offers a profound reflection on finding solace in one's own company, enriching the tapestry of this year's submissions with its honesty and depth.

About Hashtag Kalakar

Hashtag Kalakar is a creative platform dedicated to providing artists, writers, singers and other creative talents with opportunities to showcase their work and reach wider audiences through competitions, features and creative initiatives.