Let Me Grow, Let Me Be Me

By Anushka Ghosh

Yashika, a five year old girl, playful and a little bit naughty, was a bundle of energy. A pure

extrovert, she slipped home from school, humming to herself under the sun.

As she reached home, her eyes lit up, her aunt and uncle were sitting on the living room’s

couch.

“Hello, little princess! How are you ?” Her uncle, Avishak, asked warmly.

“I am pretty good !” Yashika replied with a bright smile. “Here’s a gift for my little princess”,

her aunt Sita said, handing over a wrapped box. “Thank you so much aunty”! Yashika said,

her eyes shining with joy.

Yashika’s father Shiva called out loudly, “Yashasbiniii, Yashasbinii !! Bring some snacks for

Avishak and Sita but Avhishak quickly stood up and waved his hand, no ,no, no need for

snacks. We are leaving now. “Let's go sita”.

Years passed. Yashika is 13 now.

She walked into the house after school, she entered the living room, she saw her uncle was

sitting on the couch as the last time . He barely looked up from his phone. His presence no

longer felt kind or generous. As soon as he saw Yashika, he snapped, “why are you so late ?

I thought that your school ended at 2 pm” Yashika paused near the doorway, feeling uneasy.

“Yes, It does..... but I had extra classes today”, she replied, her voice unsure.

Her uncle gave her a sharp, unsettling look.

“Extra classes or something else?” he asked coldly. Before Yashika could answer, her father,

Shiva, jumped in “No,no she has midterms next month that's why the school is running an

extra session for senior students”. “Hmm.. maybe that’s true or maybe not”, her uncle

muttered darkly. Then, with a heavier voice “Anyway, keep an eye on your girl. Handle her

carefully. She’s the heir to our family and in this generation, anything is possible”. Yashika's

discomfort deepened she puts her hand at her back an awkward frustration was with little

nervousness appeared on her face she was bathed with sweat she was breathing fast she

was feeling very uneasy her hands grabbed her skirt tightly she was about to cry after

listening to her uncle's words. Her uncle didn't even glance at her as he stood up to leave

“Bye Yashasbini, bye Shiva”, he said coldly, ignoring Yashika as if she were invisible.

Once he left, her mother turned to her in fury. “Why did you come home late ?” Have you lost

your mind ? Don't you have any sense ?” Ma.... you know I had extra classes... Yashika

pleaded. “You don't need to attend those classes!” Her mother snapped. “You don't

understand how people talk these days! From now on, your father will drop and pick you up

from school, She paused, then added with frustration, “What will society say when they hear

our daughter goes to school and returns all by herself ?” Yashika straightened up. Her eyes

burdened with quiet defiance. “They should be proud of me. I am just 13, and I already know

how to take care of myself”.

Then, with even more courage.

“ who even cares what they say? Their words can't define me, Ma. Their sentences can't

describe your daughter”. Her mother snapped. “Yashika! Be in your limits. You are just 13,

You need to be covered up. We have to protect you, we have to hide you from the world”.

Yashika’s voice rose “why Ma? Why is it always the girl who needs to be hidden? Why not

the boys?”

“Don’t act oversmart! Just listen to what I am telling you,” her mother shouted, her fear

masked as anger. Yashika’s voice trembled, but she didn't back down. “Why Ma ? Why didn't

you say anything when he said all those things about your daughter?”

Her mother looked away. “Ma..... Do you think I’m like that?” She paused, her eyes welling

with pain. “Like the way uncle describes me?”

Then she turned to her father. “Papa.... Do you feel the same?” Her voice was barely above

a whisper now. “Do you also think I’ve done something wrong?”

Her mother snapped,

“Don't argue with us! We know better than you. This is how society works.”

Yashika didn't flinch. Her eyes were steady, her voice sharp and fearless. “If this is the

tradition of our society “....

She took a sharp forward.

“....Then we need to change it.”

She said it like a lioness, not a child, but a force.

The room felt silent.

Yashika's eyes filled with tears.

Silent drop rolled down her cheeks, but her face remained firm anger, questioning, unafraid.

She was hurting, but not defeated. Her voice had shaken the silence of the room. Her tears

were not of weakness, they were of truth long suppressed. Suddenly, her mother's hand

struck Yashika’s cheek. “You know what? You are just useless,” she spat.

The words cut deeper than any laughter even could.

Yashika's tears spilled over as she whispered “am I a thing to use”?

Those words broke something inside her, a heartbreak so deep she felt lost in the silence

that followed Yashika slowly turned and walked into her room.

Once inside, the tears she had been holding back finally poured freely.

There was no one there to comfort her, no hand to hold only the cold silence. Alone with her

pain, she cried quietly into the night.

From that day on, Yashika never raised her voice again. She had accepted the unspoken

rules of the society she lived in a world where her opinions were dismissed, her dreams

ignored. She knows now that her voice meant nothing to the people around her. So, under

that constant pressure, she slowly compressed herself. The naughty, playful, extroverted girl

she was..... disappeared.

Now, at 22, Yashika no longer feels like a person; she feels like a machine programmed to

obey the unspoken rules of society, to be controlled by some known and unknown. She

passed out from school with good marks and got into a government college but even now

her father picks her up and drops her off as if she’s still a child incapable of being trusted

with independence.

Her life felt like a cage and a dove trapped in it but somewhere along the way, Yashika got

used to it. Whenever the sadness overflowed, she found comfort in her one hidden joy:

Writing songs.

No one knew. Not her family. Not her friends. It was her secret rebellion, her whispered truth.

She believed:

“Some talents are born to stay hidden”.

One afternoon, during a quiet recess at college, Yashika sat alone under a tree, gently

playing a guitar. That's when Krishna, a boy from the same semester as Yashika, walked by.

“Hey”, he said with a friendly smile. “I’m Krishna.” What are you doing here all alone?”

“Nothing”, Yashika replied, forcing a polite smile. “Just playing the guitar.” “You are amazing”,

he said, sincere. “Why don’t you show your talent to the world”?

Yashika looked at him calmly and said,

That's easy for people like you. Boys don't get judged for everything. No one calls you a

curse on your family. No one makes you feel ashamed for having dreams”.

Krishna paused then gave her a soft, sad smile.

“Easy? right” he said with a tired smile. You think it is easy for us?

We are raised to be money making machines. If we don't earn after 23, we are called

useless. If we follow our passion, we are called selfish.” If we cry they say, ‘you are a boy,

why are you crying like a girl?” They crush our feelings too, every single day”.

He sat beside her and continue:

“Let me tell you something. Life doesn't stop for anybody, Live it like there’s no tomorrow,

laugh like no one's watching. If you abandon yourself there's no bigger enemy but if you

befriend yourself no one can beat you.”,

Then he stood up and smiled gently and then asked Uumm.. by the way I forgot to ask your

name, What's your name? “Yashika”, she replied with a confused and peaceful look on her

face.

“Love yourself, Yashika. Take care of your soul.”

He told it to yashika, he waved and then walked away.

Yashika sat there, still.

For the first time in yours, a smile on her lips not the forced kind, but a real one, straight from

her soul.

Later, as she reached home,she went straight to her room and locked the door. She stood in

front of the mirror, her face holding a strange blend of sadness and hope and in that quiet

moment, she didn't see her 22 year old self. She saw the 5 year old Yashika smiling,

dancing, dreaming. A tear slid down her cheek and a line of music rose from her lips, soft

and trembling

“तमु कौन हो... और मैंकौन हूं....”

After that, in the next morning Yashika went outside with full confidence, there was a big

smile on her face, and had gone out alone for a walk. Her aunty saw that and told her “Hey

what are you here, why are you roaming here and there all alone why don't you... Yashika

stopped her and she replied with a gentle smile and confidence on her face “Aunty! Let Me

Grow, Let Me Be Me”.

By Anushka Ghosh