You Have Been On My Mind

By Tania Basak

An unboggy question keeps on laging into my mind every now and then and the question is, "Why have I become so desperate to share everything? Why? But the strange part is that the more I dab to find this answer crazily the more I fail. I get absolutely addled at times thinking that do I only like you or have I started loving you?

You are laughing. Right? Actually the thing is that there is something which has been heaving me towards you from the very beginning. No, i can't find the exact word but it's drawing me. Yes, I started groping your presence around me.No, I don't want you. I need you blunderingly cause you are my deepest need.You know there has been a huge difference between wanting someone and needing someone and guess what this heart needs you inetptly. Wait! Am I sounding like a hopless romantic person or are you considering me as a fucking nuts?

Do you want to know what I want?

Do you want to know what I am craving for? Do you really want to know where my heart belongs to? Do you have any fucking idea what? The answer is YOU. Yes, it's you idiot.You know there is a word called, “Plunderer". I am preety sure that you are laughing. You are laughing your heart out because you had told me earlier that you are not the right person for me but I am freaking tired of making my stupid heart understand. It keeps nattering your name, wants to see you.Would you mind if I call you, "Lutera?" Cause you've rifled my heart stealthily. May be you won't believe but an ample thoughts start popping up whenever I hear your name.

"Every night in my dreams I see you, I feel you that is how I know you go on " was playing on loop. It had been lashing outside, a beefy wind started to blow slowly. Maa kept calling me out but I was strolling in the balcony and had been staring absent mindedly at a particular quote on my phone for ten minutes which said, "When you want something all the universe conspires to help you achieve it." And started to smile.

Your reply was, "You are falling for the wrong guy. Now tell me one thing, if I can't give you time then what?, Don't fall for me." And I was like, "Don't tell me what should I do. It's just that I couldn't stop smiling whenever you name flashes on my phone screen, whenever my friends start to tease me balefully." You don't show up in my thoughts when the damn fucking sexual desires start engulfing my body, you don't come to my mind when an intimate seen pops up in front of my eyes, I don't envisage you when the sexual urge starts hitting me offhandedly. Yes, I don't conjure you up in a sexual way, I don't want you for rendering my immaterial needs.

You know, when something good happens, I start blanching to tell you, i keep plunging like a monkey, the resplendence of my face increases thousand times more because I want to share every little thing with you. When something bad happens my heart starts wincing because this crazy heart wants to share everything. Trust me, I don't know what happened to me but I started writing my thoughts in my dairy before going to bed and when I said my thoughts only your name comes to my mind since you started devouring my thoughts bit by bit. I really want to talk to you every day and may be that is the reason I keep on sending you memes, photos on messenger so that I could start a conversation, so that I could spend a little more time with you. Sounds really creepy, isn't so? But we all do strange things when we start loving someone and the same thing happened with me.Do you have any idea that you started edifying a special place in my heart slowly?I get stuck at times and think crazily. I try to clog myself but I fail everytime. You make me happy. Have you ever thought of it duffer? I have no idea how many times I check your last seen on messenger, how many times I see your pictures, how many times I read your text. I have no idea. I am damn sure that you are chortling to hear that I started loving you, ideating you in my dream, i started reading those books which I never thought that I would. Can you imagine? I don't think so. I really don't what's going to happen but.... but....

Leave because you won't understand.

By Tania Basak