You Fill My Heart

By Tania Basak

"You are expending your time. It's impossible to tolerate me. No i mean you really think, I am the right person for you?I mean, "The Perfect?" Do i have all the qualities? Don't you ponder that i am little bit loud, nagger, immature and clingy?Always keep texting and ticking you off. No, i mean you are so hushed and look at me, i keep on yacking all the time. Don't you feel annoy? Dont you think that you should have dated someone else?I mean more mature? More sensible? Tell me, how could you love such a crazy girl? There must be some reasons, right?Do you really think that you made the right decision by choosing me?

"Reasons?",You laughed.

"No, don't laugh. You have to tell me."I said

“ You don't like watching cricket, news because these are mind-numbing things to you. You haven't watched game of thrones, the big bang theory, friends but whenever I talk about these things you keep listening to me religiously without getting bored so that I don't feel inept. You don't even know how to cook but still you keep trying to make new dishes by watching youtube vidoes as you know that i am a big foody.You know I am snuffy, i often hollow on you, sometimes it's impossible to bear my anger but without getting irritated, you clasp me tightly, kiss my forehead and calm me down.When things go wrong, I get hyper, start browbeating, become out of control but the way you simmer me down by saying, "Relax! What happened? Come here".You scold me when I use my phone too much, when i order my food online , you upbraid me for having those junk foods and not taking medicines on time.You know, these things make me fall in love with you.When I am unable to decide the perfect shirt due to my dark complextion, you impel me by saying,"Go for it, you look snatched in this shirt, when you rebuff me for not taking care of myself, you shout like my maa and I keep smiling like a nincompoop and then you said,"My god! What will you do without me? I want to take you out for dinner but you say "No,no it's too expensive, just give some time I'll make your favourite dish",Whenever I try to give you some dare gifts you're like, "Are you crackpot?,why are you expending your money like this? Why have you fetched this? Save it for future"and I am like, "Don't try to pinch pennise all the time, you are my girl friend, don't i have any right to gift you? and hearing it you just smile.I love when you ask me," Hello! Mr.Grumpish have you had your dinner?, I just fucking love that face when you feel jealous if I get close or over friendly with any other girl, if I react love or comment on their post. I adore the way you keep trying to distract me in the middle of my work, i keep on saying, "Not now,lemme do it but you don't listen to me, and start snogging me.These things make me fucking flaky about you.

When you start to tease me in every little things,when you try to make me feel jealous by saying that some hot guys are hitting up on you, you are getting marrige proposals, when you start to squabble with me without any reason, scrap with me all the time ,When I start contemplating myself, "Pitiable", when I think, i haven't notched up my dreams yet, everything is going wrong with me, everyone is doing good in their life, only i am embezzling my life with my own hands".Am I jinx?", But then you embolden me by saying, "Will you please stop calling yourself "Pitiable?", and listen to me, you are not jinx, you are my lucky charm, understood? I know how much you endeavour, how much you try to make me happy, how much you work hard to attain your dreams, you don't have to listen to others, let them bark and why are you giving them so much importance?Do they know you personally? No, then? you just concentrate on your goal, that's it, that's all I want. Now will you please smile? I know you will do it, as simple as that." These things lug me towards you stridingly and trust me I just couldn't stop myself falling for you, when you tell me, "I love you duffer, promise me, you won't leave me, you won't stave my heart, i just can't even imagine me without you and saying it you clutch me tightfistedly and start sobbing.When i start to feel saddened , when my financial insecurities start depleting me stoopingly you are like,"Don't even think that you can't effort anything, you are good for nothing, you think I'll start considering you douchebag like others? Never, don't stress too much, you dont have to feel shy. It's me, you can share anything with me, we'll solve it together."

You know I have a habit of blaming myself for everything because I contemplate too much.Those dark days and faliures start to gulp me and sometimes it becomes tenacious for me.Believe me, you are the only person who keeps on telling me, "Shit happens, we are all human beings, we make mistake ,we make bad decisions but it doesn't mean that we keep sluring ourselves for our past mistakes. So what? We can't stuck in one thing ,we have to move on and give a second chance to ourselves.Right?Now look at me, Suppose you have given your 100 percent into something but you failed. Does it mean you stopped trying?Does it mean that you would fail again? Then?You have to start again and I know that you gonna rock this time." You know, these things peddle me think of you all the time.

Yes, you are loud but still you understand my unexpressed feelings snugly just by looking into my eyes, which I am unable to dig up, which I always try to defilade form you but I fail every fucking time. Yes, you are batty because you love me unconditionally because you care for me.Yes, you feel jealous because you don't want to see me with any other girl, simple.

"Now you tell me, why do you love me so unsanctifiedly? You know I am ratchet but still you care for me, why? How could you choose me? I mean, a snuffy person? How do you brook such a grumpish guy? Please, stop smiling, it's fucking killing me and don't even try to distract me.What happened miss hatter box? Why are you silent?, Don't you think that these are enough to love you?

"Look, we are human beings not robot, we have flaws, we can't be perfect.Right? If someone can't accept you the way you are, trust me they don't deserve you and I should have dated someone else? No, i don't need anyone.For me you are the best, you are someone whom I need you for the rest of my life.You are my happy place, and I am lucky having you because I am enraptured with you and will you please stop twaddling? Let me kiss you.”You snapped.

By Tania Basak