Who Am I Without Me?

By Arbia Enam

And, who am I without me?

An empty vessel?

Where a soulless soul resides.

Or a brainless creature?

Calling herself a human being.

With thoughts so messed up,

there is no room left for them anymore.

A breathing sculpture,

lying dead on a cold cemented floor.

While the coldness slowly seeps into my body.

Making it more numb than it usually is.

Maybe I am me, just without me. 

A new me —

nothing like how I used to be.

Strange, how she is just a stranger to me.

Even though I've known her my whole life.

Maybe someday,

I’ll grow to live with her.

The same way I've learned to live without me.

Until she is no longer a stranger.

Until I forget my own existence.

And it is her, who lives forever. 

Maybe she would take the steps 

that I could never take.

Make the changes that I never dared to make.

Learn to live life, 

even though reality is just fake.

Maybe she would turn me into a version.

I never thought I'd ever become one.

A better version,

who lives for me and me alone –

who doesn't wear a mask, or clone.

Who loves but doesn’t over love.

Who cares but never over care.

Who is selfless but for her own self.

Who is me,

but not how I used to be.

I just hope I am better without me —

The one who survives this dark, vast sea.

Filled with people worse than sharks.

Who kills the living,

and makes the dead live.

In this world filled with cruelty.

I hope she becomes the one to survive.

With thorns underneath her feet,

she still stands up and thrives.

In places I've always been neglected.

I hope she leaves behind her mark.

And never allows anyone anymore,

to steal away her reborn spark.

By Arbia Enam