Who Am I

By Anonymous

I'm a grownup but my parents still say that I am childish, I'm an immature person, I need to change a lot etc., etc., etc.,. Some people call me by a nick name "Innocent". Some call me a fool. Some say I'm smart, intelligent, some say I'm a person of high IQ, some say I'm too sweet as a person, some praise me by my appearance but who am I and what am I exactly; I too don't know neither who I am nor how I am.

But I can describe myself as an enthusiastic person who is always ready to explore things, learn and enjoy the life, who believes to take the life the way I go but I'm like taking everything life has been throwing at me.

Since childhood I have experienced all sorts of love to say exactly pure love, cute love, forceful love and make love. I am always keen to learn new things but I never learnt anything in my life.

When I was in my schooling, one day my ma (mother) asked me If I want to learn dance and I got so excited that I’m going to learn dance, but like a wave which gets flat on reaching shore all my excitement got vanished as they thought it is a costly affair. A few days later my ma wanted me to learn music or any musical instrument but this time its my dad who feels that there is no good Centre of learning in my place. Few days passed, on a bright day as weather is so good for a drive me and my papa decided to roam around the town that is when I saw children of my age and elder than me practicing karate and I don't know if my father observed me watching that or he too felt same he asked to if I would like to join and as you know what I might have said, you are right it's a big yes, but till date I don't know why he didn't enroll me in that. I use to draw and paint randomly, few people who use to visit my house like family and friends suggested my parents to make my hobby in a better form, may be they too felt that so my father asked one of his staff who is an artist to mentor me, due to his busy schedule or unwillingness or whatever may be the reason he never appeared as my mentor but I used to come across him at my father office to hear that he will definitely guide me from next month and endless next months came and went by but he is still nowhere. Sports and games have a great priority in my school so I developed interest in them but I’m neither allowed for extra practice nor use to have shoes for that still I used to put up a fight, cry and use to go for practice during evenings.

The thing which always leave me in daze is though both my parents are employees and are a bit stable financially yet I couldn’t learn anything but many people who are financially low to say some are very low yet they managed to make their children shine and help with their dream or hobbies. Many singers and musicians got themselves established in the respective field who belong to the same place where I’m but I couldn’t even get to learn anything.

But now when I look back I understood that it only takes a mind to lay a path and a heart to allow one to pursue what they like, everything else are just reasons which made me as a useless, non entertaining person and who lost interest in everything as I got to a point that I can’t do anything because every time what comes in my way are reasons but never a solution to overcome it.

I grew in solitude as I’m the only child and both my parents are always busy either with their work or friends or neighbors but never me. I don’t know how my mom used to speak hours together with my neighbors but when it comes to me she feels me as a irritation and the same me is now interesting as we are not having such neighbors now. How can one expect to be good at communication or emotions when I’m always aloof of people. I sometimes wonder if my mom has spoken to me when I needed her the most how different my life would have been but nope. People call me innocent as I’m naïve and foolish as I don’t know how to put harsh words or say my words in a strong and authoritative way. I’m okay as I can’t change nor reverse anything as I’m not having access to any time machine like in movies.

No one neither my parents nor my friends nor family know exactly what all I went through and how I have established my self in this present world with a complete disguise.

Being met all sorts of people and when I think about how I had put up with all of them as some want my body, some who exploited me physically, yes what you read is right I’m a person who is a victim of physical exploitation but to your surprise no one not even my parents know about it till and may be they are never gonna know; some who are friends of mine due to jealousy seeing this disguise, some who feel me as a waste, some who truly loved me and admired me, some who are an inspiration to me, some who are true to me and gave me all the warmth they could provide me with and some long-lasting loved ones, some who just had put a front for making use of me, some people who are quite disgusting and back bitchers who added some more days of hell to my life and helped me struggle to prove and establish my character and many more passing clouds who just came and went by and stars who added light to my life; taking everything life has been throwing at me even though I wish to lead a planned life. All you can see if we come across one day is a bright smile on my face filled with warmth because I believe it is not life when it rolls out as expected.

Now can you tell me who am I? Am I childish and an immature adult or an innocent or foolish or a sweet heart. How will you describe me?

By Anonymous