WHITE DOG

By Bharath T

There's always a beginning for everything, there's an origin for everything. Runa was my origin, she was a very beautiful woman. To express her looks, honestly, I have no words. I feel there are no words in any language, that is, she is not an object that can be described. I love her. All I planned in my life, was with her, just with her. That is all I can see.

Yes, I'm obsessed, I can't see anything else other than her, in my life. This is me. I conveyed my feelings for her one day. It was that situation, I followed her to convey... yes... I went daily near her house and to her class and wanted to convey my feelings. Is there anything wrong with my method? I don't think so. That is how much I know the world works. Even after I know that's wrong, I don't care. All I want is her.

She came to know, that I love her and I stalk her, in her point of view. I got a reply one day. She was with her boyfriend, with that smile, that look I know she's not mine, not anymore. That was a weird feeling. It was the blood of pain along with anger. That flowed all over my body. She was an angel yesterday and all of a sudden she became a slut. A girl who begs for men's genitals. She was not only with her boyfriend but with many men. I was experiencing pain and anger with the best pleasure and feeling I have ever had. I love to masturbate, thinking about her having sex with many men in every possible position. Is this wrong? I never had that guilt after I reach my peak.

Maybe this is how I can love her. I dream about her at least four times a day. I don't have to see her anywhere else. She came, every night, every day and I lived the best days of my life.

These dreams remained forever now. I often see many women and try to dream about them every night. Nothing beats my dream about her.

One day I lost all of my interest. I forgot I was in love that day, I tried hard, my efforts to convey to her my feelings, that was love. Where is it now? I can't get anywhere. I don't know to love a person. All I have is lust. That too is slowly fading away.

This origin, I must change, I must look at the world in a new way.

There are things, other than lust. I realized that one night when I was looking at the moon. I enjoyed. There was something positive, something new, it was like blood with love begins to heal me inside me. Nature is closer than any human could be. You can talk with them, they would listen. It became my habit. I spent more time alone, with music and nature we would dance with love. I spend hours. And it took me a year and finally I conveyed my feelings without anything to worry about.

The change occurred in my life. When you love nature and you tell them that you love them every tiny moment it gives, is like acceptance. My life was all in search of a girl. My eyes were closed. Nature opened them for me. I was back on track, performing well. I am now able to talk with everyone, face to face, bold, beautiful, the way I learned to live. I will continue to learn to mold myself each second and live my life.

I'm broke, the worst day of my life. I'm sad. I hate my life. I hate people, I won't live. This life is shit. Those are the words she told me. Her name is Minori. She is five foot nine, dark and deep eyes, has short curly hair, curvy woman. She was my friend. She asked me out, to talk with her and she told it's important and that this might be the last moment I meet her I was already in a task to convince her path to back on track.

Very hard task, honestly. I hate to do such work. I'm a lazy guy. This is such a tiring work. I hate to do this. We were going somewhere in a public transport. We didn't share a word. I tried to open my mouth, but I decided to wait until she says something.

We reached a building, an under construction apartment. We went upstairs all the way to the top floor. It was six in the evening. I got some text from our mutual friends to look after her. And her parents they too texted me. She was there standing in front of me on the edge of the terrace of the forty floor apartment.

That is when, I asked her why?

She replied "I had hopes for that guy. He gave me hope, a false hope and left me. Now I'm in pain a lot of pain that I have never experienced before. This is all much my heart can handle. I'm at my my limit."

I was listening to her quietly.

She continued " I'm hopeless now and I can't live like this. I.. I'm in pain a lot of pain"

I interrupted " You experienced pain.. Deep pain.. "

Am I right? Is this what you are telling me now?

She was quite for a minute. I then continued to tell her "Pain is not measurable, even hope. This might be some bad moments, or your feelings might have been affected. Hope and pain they are not measurable objects. They don't hold any value. There are women who live even after they get rapped. There are people, even children work, they like, they fight to survive in this poverty filled society.

They didn't give up.

She interrupted me. "This pain is too much for me" She was angry. She told "I regret this moment, to share my final moments with you".

If you are dying, gave up already. I don't care and also you need not care about what you feel. Just die, that is all you can do in this life. Just die already.

Those are the moments, I won't forget. I was telling everything from my instinct, what I felt, what I should have told. She was there hiding the sunlight on the edge of the building and a black light flashed all over me. World around me was bright ands I was in dark for a moment. I know the black light will fade away. As I predicted, it went away and sunlight, a bright light rose while it was setting.

By Bharath T