When Was I Last Happy?

By Vaidehi Jha

I feel like a starved child

Who gazes at every pair of eyes

To find one with empathy

I wait like she does,

With the innocent impatience in her eye

Bursting to morph into a grateful twinkle

She turns her face as she gobbles bread up like air

Hiding her ungraceful ways

From the angel who stopped to care

Ashamed to have her naked soul scrutinised

Under the light of her amber halo.

I’m drowning in a lake

Hundreds of ropes drop towards me from the skies

All within my reach

All promising land

I splash and choke but I don’t grab a single rope

I never stretch my legs to feel the warm sand

Inches beneath my toes

“The only way out is through”, he says

And I swallow my tears like poison

Because how do I tell you, dad

That I wish I wouldn’t have to bear the pain

Of the sound of my own rapid breaths

How do I tell you that with every beat of my heart

Pain courses through my veins

How do I tell you I can’t make it through

Without smothering the light in your eyes

Without darkening your world with the shadows of my shadows

How do I tell you

The daughter you birthed wishes you hadn’t.

By Vaidehi Jha