When I Thought of You As.....

By Muhimtulay Ammara Mohammed Amin

When I thought of you as my absolute fortress

I gave you my trust and chased your ideals as well

I let the cosmos drift away

I knew you were here for me if that was I wish the case

But when I said, father may I?

And you said no to me

Had this world not hourglass, thorns, and poisen

Had my world laughter not clock, flowers not pain, nectar not stains

Had this life been a Chalice full of starlet crade

Before I knew it doubts had already been sparked

You gave birth to these questions against my heart

That wished to beat beside

An absolute power that now decades

But still I wonder, is this a dream?

"Why I wonder Am I chained to you?

You are one of the strings of my heart

If I lose it will there be a place to return to?

When I thought of you as my dawn's first ray

I told you my believes

And your ideals became mine from that day

I let myself be drawn to you

The only warmth that was in your love and true

I knew you were here for me if that was I wish the case

But when I said, mother, will you?

And you said no to me

Had this world not hourglass, thorns, and poisen

Had my world laughter not clock, flowers not pain, nectar not stains

Had this life been a Chalice full of starlet crade

Before I knew it doubts had already been sparked

You gave birth to these questions against my heart

That wished to beat beside

An absolute power that now decades

But still I wonder, is this a dream?

"Why I wonder Am I chained to you?

You are one of the strings of my heart

If I lose it will there be a place to return to?

When I thought of you as my symphonies of heart

I told you my words and kept yours the same

I let my mind rule the game and stopped when I was unliked by all the same

I let you play puppetry of me as I knew that was making you all smile in front of me

The only bonds enough to be counted on fingers

I wanted to make them

uncountable like stars of dusk till dawn awakes

I knew you were here for me if that was I wish the case

But when I said, I'm sorry, elder sisters!

And you said no to me

Had this world not hourglass, thorns, and poisen

Had my world laughter not clock, flowers not pain, nectar not stains

Had this life been a Chalice full of starlet crade

Before I knew it doubts had already been sparked

You gave birth to these questions against my heart

That wished to beat beside

An absolute power that now decades

But still I wonder, is this a dream?

"Why I wonder Am I chained to you?

You are one of the strings of my heart

If I lose it will there be a place to return to?

But now it's enough of me to wait

I waited wyears of my life for you to change

I grew up but suppressed many things I used to do every day

I changed as well but showed something others wanted, but still failed

But now I will change myself

I cannot no longer

Refrain and delay

Words I wanted, world I wished

for, life I wanted to live, and the path I wanted to walk,

"Had this world" is no longer needed, 

Because I knew you were here for me, if that, was I wish truly the case, 

but now I know you are still the same and, and I as well not now but! This time I said to my self, "I will

And it replied," as you wish!"

That is now a real chase

If not for complexity of strings that were attached to my heart

These words and wonders

Couldn't be born

All this came from a place beyond the sky, while I was looking for a ladder made of unknown insanity

That pure curiosity has now given birth to this poetry

By Muhimtulay Ammara Mohammed Amin