What I Look For In A Partner - By Njabulo Skhonde

Written By: Njabulo Skhonde

Category: Essay

Competition: Global Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026

Njabulo Skhonde invites readers into a reflective journey with his essay "What I Look For In A Partner," featured in the Global Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026. Skhonde, participating in the Essay category, delves into themes of connection, self-discovery, and the intricate dance of relationships. Through a narrative that intertwines art, dreams, and personal philosophy, he examines the deeper meanings behind our interactions and the quest to understand one's true desires in a partner.

About the Work

In "What I Look For In A Partner," Skhonde navigates the delicate balance between admiration and introspection. His work uses the metaphor of portrait drawing to explore how we perceive and connect with those we hold dear. The essay is rich with vivid imagery and contemplative moments, revealing insights into personal growth and the desire for a partner who resonates with one's true self. The underlying message is profound, suggesting that true connection transcends mere romance, embracing mutual recognition and spiritual alignment.

What I Look For In A Partner

Original Submission by Njabulo Skhonde

What I Look For In A Partner

One night, I had asked my friend, who I had deep feelings for, if I could draw a portrait of her. Fortunately, she agreed yet disclosed that she is in a relationship. Despite the announcement, I was not bothered. The reason why I wanted to draw a portrait of her is not to gain her affection but more so I gained an interest in drawing people I know since I find it more intimate compared to drawing models you'd find on Pinterest.

One philosophy I learnt when it comes to drawing portraits is the act of connecting to the subject as your result are actually the projection of what you see in that person. Therefore, every stroke, every shade, every second paying attention to the fine detail is a process of you taking in the beauty of the subject through consuming with your eyes and digesting it with your heart which beautifully pours out onto the fine paper/canvas. When applied to people I know, especially with someone who made me lose sleep whenever they enter into my conscience, enhances the experience since drawing the figure alone with two of us facing each other feels like I am tethered as every minute detail I express on the paper feels like an act of reverence.

As a result I had a dream. The air was cold however the night felt young. My friend and I were sitting at a bench having a conversation. She worn a denim jacket. It led me to tell her that she reminds me of Nightwing because she was dressed in blue whilst being an aerialist. She chuckled and beamed a loving smile saying the same to me except it is the way I carry myself. We walked around the carnival. The sound of rides operating with laughter, screams of adrenaline brought a joyous ambience you would find in a romantic comedy. We ended up on a Ferris wheel. As the wheel slowly rotates, my perception diluted into just seeing her and I felt the same happened to her. She laid on my arms as I felt a slow burning sensation of eros softly blistering my heart. All while the song 'I'll Take Care Of You' by Tyler, The Creator plays in the background which enhanced the closeness.

I woke up with butterflies in my stomach flying to my heart. It felt tightened yet by the time I took my first breath they were released which allowed my body to be at ease. After that, I paused for an extended period to digest the vivid amorous dream I had experienced.

I was so moved by it that I used Deepseek, prompting it to play a role of a Jungian psychologist analyzing my dream. What happened next, the dots connected. Notable insights are the dream itself was not about romance despite appearing so on the surface. It was actually about mutual recognition and individuation. Next, the interaction on the night before was a seed that buried into my unconscious as the dream was the flower that sprung forth. Finally, the fact that our connection in the dream is bonded by our Christian faith, we reflected the body of Christ.

Despite these insights provided by Deepseek, one that stood out for me was from my own engagement where I realize I want to be with someone where I become myself through that person. When paired with the AI's analysis, there is more cohesion. When this is brought to

the Christian framework, it is reminiscent to theosis which is a life long act of fully becoming who God created me to be.

This was a significant moment for me because it gave clarity on what I wanted out of a relationship. Back then, I was hungry to the point where I was willing to eat anything in the grocery store. Next, it goes to show how much I grown as a person since before the dream or even the interaction I wouldn't take rejection so well to the point where I question my worth because of it. Additionally, it gave me a glimpse of what true love is like despite the dream feeling like a fantasy but at the same time it doesn't. It feels...like a school of sanctuary teaching me a truth I had been ignorant of. Finally, I start to appreciate friendships I have with the opposite sex specifically one's who I had deep feelings for.

About the Competition

The Global Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026 by Hashtag Kalakar is a prestigious platform celebrating diverse voices in the creative arts. It encourages writers worldwide to express their unique perspectives through poetry, essays, and short stories. This competition is a testament to the power of words and creativity, fostering a global community of artists who push the boundaries of expression and storytelling.

Thank you, Njabulo Skhonde, for sharing your insightful essay "What I Look For In A Partner" with us in the Global Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026. Your exploration of self-discovery and connection adds a meaningful layer to the conversation on relationships. We appreciate your contribution and look forward to seeing more of your thoughtful work in the future.

About Hashtag Kalakar

Hashtag Kalakar is a creative platform dedicated to providing artists, writers, singers and other creative talents with opportunities to showcase their work and reach wider audiences through competitions, features and creative initiatives.