What Am I?

By Tortuted Poet

What am i ? living With all this burning rage 

Caring how others perceive and worry about there gaze !

What am i ? When I'm trying to bury this rage filled no self conscience self of mine 

But somehow this self of mine finds it way back up to my head when a inconvenience occurs and it conquers this stoic mind of mine 

What am i ? When i sometimes want to scream out loud while shoving knives in chests of people who have made the way i was that i am now trying to escape my own self from 

Yet i want to keep moving forward and know that i have no enemies and that this life is indeed like a hologram 

What am i ? When i want to understand and never stop my thirst for never ending knowledge and solve the paradox 

Once again i fail feeling that nobody is ever going to bother to understand this soul of mine and never want to solve me with there whole life and read me like a poem and not even bother to know what a paradoxical mind iam 

What am i ? When I know that jesus died for us knowing he never felt he had enemies in his eyes,only uncountable disciples who tried understanding what really he is 

Yet i fail once again understanding that jesus never thought too much over a thing and bury his own happiness and of people around him thought only about today and worry less about what the future he holds for himself 

What am i ? For a moment I'm a suicidal maniac then the other moment iam a greater than zeus like habitant 

What am i ? When i know that everything around me is materialistic and just an illusion

Here i am believing that i could escape this paradox mind of mine with the belief of being saved by loved that is indeed one of the illusions

What am i ? When i know that i could Never be understood by the mere humanity around me 

But i long for someone to try reading my mind and understand me 

The way iam is just how i am since i was just a piece of flesh inside my mother's womb but these people telling me how to behave, walk,  talk and act as if they think that I'm something that they can conquer and take control over!

 this messed up paradoxical mind of mine and never ever bother in trying to leave me the way iam as if they are afraid that I'll invade over on top of there heads somehow 

War is not something that you see with your eyes with a bunch of men fighting over there own non sensical beliefs they call as Truth!  war is something that these human does inside there heads when they can't accept a human like me talking my mind out just because i felt like i want to just because i feel the honesty and never care about the consequences it might bring me in upcoming future filled with twists and turns that i somehow know and might calculate the circumstances of my doing

What am i ? When you say you love me 

But yet i question you do really want me?

By Tortuted Poet