Trades

By Guinevere Freeman

I have traded self for intimacy

I once had an allure that people loathed

And loved, ardently, secretly. alone

I was, painfully lonely. acquainted 

With few, friends with yet fewer, no one knew

Who I was, but still no one truly does.

A piece of myself, a vital central

Piece of my being had to be hidden

I crave intimacy, but won’t have it.

I know my fellows will leave if I show

My true feelings; this is not illusion.

I have heard them speak of persons like me

Who they loathed for what they know not of me

I had a chance to gain those true allies

But, either them to me or me to them

Drawn to peoples who loathed my inner thoughts

I panicked, I continue to do so

I need true fellowship more than ever

And when confronted with hints of sameness 

I become blind to all else and fall to

Those who I could, should, never wholly trust

I am blind in search of companionship

That which I have only found once, now gone.

That which I need, and seems, I must trade for 

By Guinevere Freeman