To Shower or Not to Shower
By Ryan Lam
To Shower or Not to Shower, that is the question
I bet many of you have grappled with this very expression
Showering requires so much effort....
That honestly, it makes my head hurt
Valentine’s Day is coming; It’s the day for romance
Perhaps I can find a date and give it a chance
If I wish to be successful, I must go and shower
The task is difficult; is it possible to learn this power?
Not... from procrastination or waiting another hour!
I can totally do it .... however, ......
The pathway to the shower, I consider it to be ........... unnatural
My therapist thinks I’m being overly dramatic and completely irrational
But one does not simply walk into the bathroom corridor
Its black gates are guarded by more than the foul creatures of Mordor
The whole 5 steps from here to the wash closet
Is a harrowing adventure for those not used to it
The first step is easy, supplies and morale are high
By the second step, there’s catastrophic thinking, and the end is nigh!
Like running up a wall, the third step is the hardest
For I have pushed far beyond my capabilities, the absolute farthest!
Now are the darkest times, when demons whisper in my ear
It tells me, “You don’t need to shower, just stay right here”
Then my angel rebuts, “This demon has committed treason, HE IS THE TRAITOR!”
“If you don’t shower now, you will never get to mate her”
The demon desperately pleads, “You must choose [Ryan], .......for I have the power to save your life”
“Think about it... if you mate her, she might actually become YOUR WIFE!”
The angel interjects. “Don’t listen to him Ryan. Otherwise, he controls who you can court”
I steel myself for the 4th step; I must not fall short
The fiery demon blocks the path to my desired destination
The 5th step is the truest test of my resolve ... for fornication [rehabilitation] 😅
The demon bellows with all his might, “YOUUUUU.... SHAAALL... NOOOT........ PAAASSSSSS!” .......
“WHY RISK EVERYTHING, JUST TO GET SOME ASS!”
I take the final step, then fall unconscious
I’ve conquered fire and shadow, to meet my goddess
Who knows how long I lay there, when I finally come to
My eyes flutter open.... I’ve made it... I’m in the bathroom!
The herculean attempt has left me feeling broken and fatigue
But I assure you; the shower can restore my godlike physique
To break my dry spell and to satisfy my thirst
I turn on the faucet ... welcoming the waters, face-first
Though I whisper, “I’m too weak”, as I start my shower
When I finish.... I’m crackling with..........UNLIMITED... POWAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
I’m now presentable and squeaky clean
I’m finally fit to approach my queen
Perhaps it’s the girl-next-door or a rich heiress
But really, it’s the girl I (can) call ........... “My precious”
By Ryan Lam
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