This Ain't Depression

By Srijan

That ain’t work it, that ain’t depression.

That’s the way you do it, cry every other morning.

Finally learnt, what’s depression.

Finally learnt, what it means.

I learnt that with psychosis.

It’s a mental havoc.

Day and nights, you lie in bed, self-ostracized.

I imagined myself as a tree with two set of root,

one stemming from my left leg, another from my right.

My left leg was the root of all the relationships I had,

all the friends I made over the years.

And I imagined the root of the left leg to have dried,

and then my left developed a ‘foot-drop’.

An ailment associated with paralysis,

more of a nerve issue, but that was fine.

The ankle didn’t move upwards. I needed physiotherapy.

Those days, I was full of anger,

nothing, not even music moved me.

I burned in rage, burnt bridges.

Sometimes, I waited for my phone to ring,

Now I am used to my isolation.

Of years of waking up, sitting in the balcony and cry.

And this was the state after the treatment began,

It was worse.

I wrote about eventuality of death,

over a year convinced myself, to take the final step.

By Srijan