Things I Don't Say To Ma

By Afifa Shoket Kohli

Why did you never tell me what it means to be a grown up ma?

Why did I have to learn it all by myself?

You are here maa

but where are you?

The distance between you and me,

a daughter and a mother is sometimes centuries apart

even when we are sitting next to each other.

I look at you and think,

‘I love you, ma

I desperately want to cry on your lap, ma

Please love me, ma

Please hold me while I cry

Hold me while i fall apart

Just hold me, ma.’

I look at you and say,

‘How is amma ji

how is khala

how is everyone’

and you answer politely

about their health.

You don’t tell me how something major is bothering amma ji

or something that made khala upset

or something you’ve been worried about for so long now that it’s almost screaming to be let out.

Let it out, ma

Talk to me,

Tell me what’s bothering you,

lay on my lap and cry,

let me hold you while you fall apart, ma.

By Afifa Shoket Kohli