The Voices

By Inchara S Adhikashreni

The train journey back home is always better than the destination. No nosy people here. Just some prying eyes with judgements in their heads. I don’t mind the thoughts. It’s the words that are disturbing. But today I’m engaging in conversation. I know this is a dangerous game- risk of letting others know too much about yourself. But today, I’m going to take that risk.

“What are you thinking about?”, the female voice ventures.

“This new nail art I’ve been working on”, I reply, my manly voice sounding a little unsure even to my own ears.

“What do you do in your free time?” I ask immediately not giving her time to process what I had just uttered.

“Think about the importance of sports, the tax structure, the cosmos and the frailty of this vast universe we live in” her soothing voice floats over.

I am almost ashamed of myself at this point, at the seemingly inconsequential things in my head, like my grandmother’s special pickle recipe, at having to share my space with this lady who thinks on levels I don’t see myself ever reaching, at the world that is oblivious to this battle of minds in a train compartment.

She seems to have read my mind. She chuckles softly and says, “You know I don’t get to do everything I want to, right?”

I just sigh in response. There are a lot of things I want to say but I know it will go unheard. Despite all our differences, we’re similar in so many ways, this man who likes nails paints and that woman who understands sports just like she understands physics. People don’t usually get us. Or, they don’t try to. It’s not that difficult really. I want to tell her all this, about all my fears, my loneliness, how in all this world, I seem to connect only with her, with the one person who is my polar opposite, about how I’m trapped in a body I don’t like. But I don’t.

“I know. I live the same life. You don’t have to word your thoughts out for me to understand them” she says with a smile that is reflected on the glass. It’s the saddest smile I’ve ever seen.

A woman walks in to our compartment then. “Oh, hey! Are you the only occupant here?” she asks.

“Yeah, until now clearly.” I say with a smile. Just me, with voices in my head that will go unheard.

By Inchara S Adhikashreni