The Universe Winked At Me

By Arpita Guru

I was sitting on the shore – dejected and exasperated with the incessant happenings dragging me to the  very precipice of my life; 

My eyes were glued in the direction of the sea and the waves - 

Probably trying to figure out the horizon and beyond, 

Probably trying to dissect my emotions to arrive at some conclusion. 

I kept staring, stared long enough till I landed in a state of trance - 

There lay a vast sea of life in front of me - a sea of nothingness, a sea of emptiness, And, I was staring at that nothingness. 

Therein, I could see the debacles of my life - 

The debacles bringing me on to the brink of shrieking but all there was were silent cries, The debacles pointing fingers at my incapabilities, and even my closed fist struggling to fight those  fingers. 

Therein, I could see the dreadful, sleepless nights - 

The nights of tossing and turning, 

The nights of emotional convulsions, 

Acting as reminders of the day-long ‘I am okay pretensions’, 

Of the pain to maintain the upward curve of my lips, 

Of the overflow of emotions but – 

Nowhere to put them, no means to express, none to share with. 

Therein, I could see my isolation and my loneliness - 

The isolation wanting to speak volumes about the treacherous own, 

But the voice being dampened by their betrayal, 

The loneliness signifying my empty self, 

Emptied by too much giving, too much doing, and too much caring. 

Therein, I could see me walking hand in hand with my anxiety; 

The dark cobweb of thoughts encircling me, 

The fearful panic attacks grappling me, 

My hands searching for some support yet the one that holds is anxiety, 

Anxiety accompanied with all the trembling and the shaking and of losing control, Pulling me into a dark abyss. 

There was a thunder then, certainly acted as an alarm clock, making me blink, 

Blink out of my silent conversation with my chaos, and I stopped at the edge of the abyss. 

I decided to instead have a conversation with the universe - 

A loud and clear conversation underlining that I had enough of the suffering, 

A conversation highlighting the endless pleads to put an end to the routine scheduling of my grief - a  grief that’s a heavy weight on my chest, my heart, 

A conversation saying that my heart wants to beat freely, my heart wants to break the shackles and  breathe, just breathe.

And just then, I felt a drop of water falling on my cheek, 

And before I could wonder, it started raining. 

But, this time, I didn’t get up and run, 

I was willing to sit through, 

I was ready to face it and fight it. 

Just as I promised not to give up, the universe responded to me, 

Drenching me with a new-found spirit, 

Showering me with a resurrected zeal, 

Pouring on me the little drops of hope, 

Making way for a new perspective towards life. 

And then I gazed up with a smile – 

No longer a forceful upward curve but a genuine one, 

And I uttered a thank you to the universe; 

The universe winked at me and together we promised - 

To take away the ache of my lavender bones, 

Standing tall to symbolise and radiate the power of faith and trust that can do wonders.

By Arpita Guru