The Undone Ululations Underneath

By Akshita Srivastava

They say there's a reason they leave 

But tell me what is this treason that I can't leave? 

Late night conversations 

Became your self defence formation, 

Was I really your enemy? 

Do you pay the pills I took to become your remedy? 

Now I stopped taking them, believe in them 

But how you never seemed to notice 

how I drowned everytime you needed a glass of water, 

Now I live while you make my heart shatter. 

2 ams take me to June when everything was yours, 

This February, I answered your July poll, 

Startled stating I was jealous when thy only gave me 'yes' as the only two options, My soul feels like a horse wanting to say 'Nay' 

to every part of you that once felt like mine, 

those who know me for months tell me to deal with those 7 innocent years with caution. You pretend there's nothing wrong because you are an introverted person, I'll assume myself to be lamentable wanting not to stop a child getting hit by a car because I am shy, Declared me as harder to be human, 

Jester Jokes are jotted down on me. 

Why do I revisit the pictures of myself 

And speak such aforementioned words and dread to call out for help! 

I know I was young and nothing happened the way I wanted 

But this pain in me at this age will someday make me my own criminal who'll be the most wanted. 

When I trace the lines and hope each time they end on my palm because I never received a palm of loyalty, 

I must admit as I weep that even in tragedy I was never my own buddy.

By Akshita Srivastava