The Unborn Child

By Paromita Chakraborty

Meera was writhing in pain in the delivery room. The effect of the induced labor was gaining momentum with each contraction. She was ceaselessly shivering. Aman, her husband asked the attending nurse to turn off the AC. The machine beside Meera’s bed was constantly beeping. A continuous, tingling sound.

Meera remembered the beautiful Sunday morning eight months back. She rushed excitedly to wake Aman up to show the pink double lines on that test kit. Both laughed and cried tears of happiness. Every conversation from that day were related to the unborn baby, each step of Meera was taken care of. Aman escorted Meera to every hospital visit. Meera’s parents were overjoyed, and Aman’s mother heaved a sigh of relief. ‘Thank goodness, hopefully I won’t be pestered anymore by Nalini, Anita and Vasu about good news from my daughter-in-law’, she smirked over the phone.

Meera and Aman were married for nine years. They were both working in full-time jobs and content with their life. They had mutual respect and love, travelled the world together, fought over the last piece of cake and made up easily after any fight. They also had a pet, a handsome golden retriever. They were happy in their small world. However, the world outside were not happy seeing them content.

The relatives, friends, neighbors, colleagues, and even their own parents reminded time and again that life is incomplete without a child. That the only good news a married couple can have and share with the world is announcement of a new life growing inside the wife’s womb. According to the society, the only true happiness a woman can experience is being a mother. Once during Dussehra, Meera bought a lot of gifts for everyone in her family after getting a long-awaited promotion. Her mother-in-law while receiving the gift sighed, ‘These all gifts don’t matter to me Meera. The best gift you can give me is a healthy grandkid’. All excitement of Meera died that moment.

Meera’s manager, a woman herself, while awarding the quarterly best employee award to Meera last year remarked, ‘Thanks to Meera for serving 6 long years in our project and not taking any maternity leave, despite joining our company as a newly wed.’ Everyone laughed. Meera felt utterly disrespected.

Meera met Nimish and Prakriti often while jogging at the park. They stayed in the same neighborhood. One day Nimish asked Meera, ‘You know the family staying on the second floor of our apartment, right? They were blessed with a baby girl yesterday. After 11 years they became parents. ‘

‘Yeah Meera, they were receiving treatment from the best gynecologist in town for couple of years now Dr. Tahsin of Mother Mary hospital’, Prakriti said. She then came closer to Meera and asked, ‘Why don’t you go and get checked with this doctor Meera? She is a fertility expert you know.’

‘We are not currently planning for a child, Prakriti, and it’s not in our cards anytime soon. We want to travel the world together and trek to the offbeat places’, Meera frowned.

‘Are your sure your husband doesn’t want any? Or he is just going by as you say?’ - Prakriti sniggered.

That day Meera was sitting at home upset. She didn’t even switch on the lights. Aman asked in light humor,’ Who had the audacity to get on your nerves today?’

Meera looked at Aman and asked, ‘Do you like kids?’

‘Oh! I adore them. Why?’

‘You adore kids. So, you must want kids of your own right? Why didn’t you tell me before?’-Meera was almost in tears.

Aman was taken aback. He wasn’t prepared for such a question. He began to stammer, ‘Well, I…ummm, yeah…no…yes when you are ready.’

Meera got the answer.

Even the gynecologist was anxious about Meera’s ovaries shrinking with time. She always advised Meera to start a family as soon as possible. The doctor reminded Meera of the medical complications she could face if she delays any further.

Meera felt as if her worth was only in being able to bear a child. She felt inadequate. She felt insecure. Scrolling through social media accounts made it even worse. Many of her friends were welcoming their first or second bundle of joy and updating how proud they are.

Keeping all this in mind Meera decided to become a mother herself, though a bit skeptical. And when she came to know she was expecting, she was overjoyed indeed. She could feel the love overflowing for her unborn baby. She felt blessed when Aman touched her belly and talked sweet nothings to her unborn baby.

All was going smooth. Meera was beginning to get uncomfortable with the growing belly. Eight months were over. One day Meera didn’t feel the movements of the baby for few hours. She patted gently on her belly. It was still. She waited, panicked when 24 hours passed without her feeling a single movement. It was unusual, as her baby was normally active. Aman and Meera rushed to the doctor. After a long scan and longer wait, the doctor declared with a sad face, ‘Sorry to say Meera, but the baby died inside. We are suspecting some bacterial infection. It’s not your fault or anyone’s fault. We are trying to find the exact cause. You must undergo some tests. Meera, are you okay? Are you listening?’

Meera wasn’t listening anymore. The baby, her baby, her own creation was no more. She prayed that this must be just a nightmare. She realized how much she loved the baby.

The worst part was she was to be induced with labor, she had to try to give birth to the stillborn. Just her baby won’t cry after coming out. Instead, there will be a deadening silence. Meera was admitted to the same hospital that night. Labor was induced.

And here she was in the delivery room, writhing in pain. Extreme agony, both in heart and body. Aman never left her side. He was trying to comfort her in every possible way. He was trying hard to control his tears. At one hand, he was heartbroken at the loss of their baby and on the other hand he couldn’t bear seeing his wife in so much pain. The adjoining room beside Meera’s delivered twins. Their loud cries transcended through the air as the family rejoiced. Meera prayed to God to end her agony. After a grueling period of four hours, Meera delivered the baby. She kissed the lifeless body of the beautiful boychild. Aman couldn’t control himself anymore and both cried their hearts out. The nurses, the attending doctor, even the cleaning staff tried to console them but in vain.

A couple of days later, Meera was laying in her bed holding a blanket she bought for the baby. Her eyes were swollen from long bouts of crying. Aman sat beside her, running his fingers through her hair. Meera whispered to him, ‘I’m sorry. I failed to make you happy. I ruined your life Aman. It’s all my fault. Because I didn’t want a child at first, my baby left me. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you a baby. I’m sorry that I failed to gift a healthy grandkid to our parents.’

Aman replied, ’Meera, I won’t deny that I am out of sorts at the loss of our child. But I can’t afford to lose my ever-smiling Meera, I can’t afford to lose my Meera unruffled in any condition. It’s your life and you will decide how you want to live it. Of course, I would love to be a dad but not at the cost of your sanity. And don’t ever fall trap to the dictates of this society. At the end of the day, it’s me and you who must decide if we want to raise a family or not. Begin afresh and let your wings grow again. Cut loose to situations which demand otherwise. Remember, I am always there for you in any situation. I will always love you. Nothing, not a thing in this world matters as long as you are happy’.

By Paromita Chakraborty