The Sin Of A Father

By Rishabh Menon

“Forgive me father for I have sinned.”

His breath ragged, eyes watering, Samuel was on the verge of a breakdown. Kneeling on the pulpit, he rested his hands on the bar in front of him. It was all he could do from keeling over and writhing in anguish. Head spinning, vision blurry, and filled to the brim with guilt, his only hope was repentance.

A mellow voice carried through.

“Tell me my child. I’m listening.”

Shivering and stuttering, Samuel barely managed to get his next words out.

“Father, I have committed a horrendous crime. An unpardonable sin. I….I can’t live in this guilt. Set me free Father. Tell me what I must do to rid myself of the darkness I find myself in.”

There is a pause. He can’t bring himself to say anymore. He waits for a reply, hoping beyond hope that there must be some way. A solution, a means to his redemption. He feels the air around him getting thinner and thinner. The voice continues.

“It is not up to us to decide whether a sin is pardonable or not. We are children of the Lord. It is up to him to choose and our Lord is a merciful one. But tell me son, what did you do? I can’t help you if you don’t speak.”

Samuel was on the ground by now. His knees bent, his face was covered in his trembling palms. Barely able to breathe, his fingers started to yank at the ends of his hair. After what seemed like an hour, but was in fact just mere moments, he blurted,

“I….I’ve……I’ve killed someone.”

Admitting what he had done pushed Samuel to a much darker dimension than the one he was inhabiting. Perhaps he felt that confessing the crime, saying it out loud, had made it real. It was no longer just a vague memory in his head. But the worst was yet to come.

“How did it happen?”

The voice was still mellow, but it had lost some of its smooth quality. The words were more controlled. The tone itself possessed a slight tremor. Samuel however, was far too distracted to notice.

“I….I’m not quite sure. It was just another night at the bar. I met up with Ishan as usual. He’s my drinking partner. We’ve known each other for a while now. We were both a few drinks down. Then Raj walked over. He’d been drinking with his buddies and was intoxicated as hell. Raj and I had had some altercations in the past. Disputes over money and various other things. To be honest, he’d made life hell for me. I guess he hadn’t had his fill as he came over and started mocking me. Chastising me. I……I couldn’t take it. I stood up and smacked across his face.”

Another pause. The sound of scuffling feet could be heard. Samuel could tell that it wasn’t just he who was nervous. The father’s voice came through, much more unsettled this time,

“Go on my child. I’m listening.”

Taking a deep breath, Samuel continued,

“Things got ugly then. A straight up brawl ensued. It was Raj and his friends against me and Ishan. Poor Ishan was just trying to break up the fight but all Raj had was blood in his eyes. But it wasn’t just him. I was more livid than I had ever been in my entire life. Years of suffering came pouring out of me as I pounded my fists into his face. Everything was a blur, and then suddenly I saw a flash of silver. Raj had pulled a knife. He lunged at me. I….I……I managed to yank it from his grasp. In all my fury, I just couldn’t stop myself as I lunged back at him. Pushing the knife with all gusto. But Raj was too quick and I had no control. I……..

At this point Samuel could no longer hold himself. Tears flowed out as he bawled in exasperation. Knowing that mere words wouldn’t be enough to comfort him, the Father stepped out of his chamber and drew back Samuel’s curtain. All he could see was a miserable heap wailing on the ground.

“I killed him Father. I killed my best friend. Stabbed him right through his throat. I couldn’t stop myself. I just couldn’t. He’s gone. Ishan’s gone. He’s…….”

His voice broke. With a shudder he slumped back, his expression strangely calm.

“He’s dead.”

Still in shock of what he’d heard, the Father looked around, not knowing what to do. His eyes ran across the crumpled heap in front of him. He was still new to the village and hadn’t had the chance to interact with the locals. Samuel was a completely new face to him, but the pain on his face was genuine. But what should he do? Should he call the police or provide the man with shelter? Torn between the two alternatives he thought it best to comfort the man first.

Bringing him on to his feet, the father escorted Samuel to his chambers. Laying him down on his bed, he poured him a glass of water and asked him to rest. Samuel, who was in a daze, quietly obeyed the instructions. As he lay back down, the sound of wailing sirens pierced through the air. Almost as if struck by lightning, Samuel shot up straight, and grabbed the Father by his arm.

“Please Father don’t give me away. Please I beg of you.”

The sound of a banging door echoed through the hallway. Samuel’s voice grew shrill.

“Don’t let me go Father. Please please just hide me. I’ll kill myself. There’s nowhere for me to go to. Please protect me. I………I can’t go to prison. I can’t. I just………”

The Father was looking away this entire time. He didn’t know what to do. He was far too conflicted. He turned slowly, and their eyes met. All he could see was fear in those eyes. Samuel reminded him of an innocent child that needed care. He couldn’t bring himself to deny that care.

“Turn the lights out and don’t make a sound.”

Inspector Singh had almost given up when the doors swung open. Standing in front of him was Father John who had just arrived in town a week back. He was still wearing his habit and looked quite pale.

“My sincere apologies for disturbing you at this late hour Father. I hope I didn’t wake you.”

“Oh not at all Inspector. I had some routine chores to do. Was just heading up to my chambers to turn in for the night.”

“I see. Well I don’t know if you’ve heard but there’s been a murder at Rooster’s bar. Supposed to be a routine bar fight that turned nasty. We’re still figuring out the exact order of events as they played out.”

“Oh my, how dreadful!”

“Agreed. We’re on the hunt for Samuel. He’s the prime suspect and is currently missing. Just wanted to see if he came here by any chance.”

The Father hesitated. Singh looked on, waiting for an answer.

“No Inspector. I haven’t seen him. Nobody’s been here since last evening.”

“Hmm. Ok. Do let us know if you see him. He’s clearly dangerous. We want to bring him in before he hurts anyone else.”

“Of course Inspector. I’ll do that.”

“As the Inspector left, the Father shut the door behind him. He heaved a sigh of relief but was also worried. What now? How long could he hide Samuel here? Sooner or later he will be found out. He’ll have to ask Samuel to leave in the morning. But how could he turn that poor man away. With these thoughts on mind, the Father walked into his room only to see the bed empty.

“Samuel?” He called out.

“Thank you Father”, said the shadowy figure standing behind the door.

“Oh there you are. How are you feeling now?”

“Much better thanks”, said Samuel as he came into the light.

“I’m in your debt Father, for everything you’ve done for me. How am I ever going to repay you?”

There was no answer to the Inspector’s knocks the next morning. The church was as silent as a graveyard. The police had been unable to locate Samuel. Based on a hunch, that momentary hesitation on the Father’s side, Inspector Singh had returned. Breaking open the door, he ran into the church, fearing the worst. But Samuel was nowhere to be found. In fact he would never be seen again in that village. All that remained was a scarlet habit, an face twisted by horror, and the glint of a silver knife.

By Rishabh Menon