The Secret Ingredient

By Savni Apte

hoping that you always carry a bit of home everywhere and never forget, that piece of home is yours to share

grandma baked me cookies, chocolate brown and sweet, caring not for holes in toothy grins, but only for dimples in my cheek. under the blankets, I chewed serene, listening to her stories, about the frog and the rapid stream. sugar in the oven,

the scent of heaven divine, grandma started to forget, insisting the recipe needed to be mine.

grandma scrawled on paper, kind, frail hand shaking, the measures for a baker, secret ingredient lost, last breath taken.

under the blankets,

cookies doughy and raw, just as my aching heart, grandma's corpse carried through the door.

favourite blanket I draped, to be buried with her, to keep, the hand that my destiny shaped, icy.

eyes shut in deepest slumber, immovable sleep.

grandma left a legacy,

in the words of a cookie recipe,

memory entrapped in blankets,

Savni Apte

her stories spinning in my head, haunting melody.

grandma was gone...

the secret ingredient too. seed, sapling, flower,

thus I grew,

grandma's voice fading, people surrounding me anew.

I

a hollow in my chest,

cups of flour in a bowl, no remainder of joy, every day, ache of longing, I mourned. education, examinations, a trail of tear-stained books,

no blankets nor cookies, no simple comfort. a new temple, a new dorm, college, they called it, no stories about this,

grandma's voice long gone. still, a whisper, a nudge, a push, perfume of sugar and chocolate brown, an intent, a purpose, saying, "go one, be careful, live for yourself, embrace the new town." the laughter of new company, trailing me to the oven door,

mess of flour, eggshells and friendship,

all over the floor.

a new love, a new hand to hold, the recipe didn't taunt me anymore. grandma had left, secret ingredient with her, but perhaps it wasn't something to add,

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no, must my heart enrich with something abstract? new blankets, to cuddle,

new memories to be made, the cookies baked, exquisite aroma, my beloved new people surrounding,

all a little eager.

grandma's voice revived in my mind,

a withered face, a serene smile. my dear frog, exulted grandma, heart bursting with joy, you didn't let the stream drown you, you survived to see another happy day. grandma was happy, and so was I, her halo glowing, angel's mission complete, my eyes twinkling at a wholesome sight. at friends, lovers,

blankets and cookies,

heart full to bursting, my future ripe with possibility.

By Savni Apte