The Sadistic Voices

By D.S.S. Lalitha Ujwala

I have lost everything,

At the end,

My ambition,

My dreams,

My joy,

My smile,

Only thing left is sorrow,

The voices which cause it,

Made me understand,

The burden of losing,

That is nothing better than the sense of self,

Nothing better than being myself,

Things got worse with time,

This unending spiral of pain won't stop,

There is nothing worse than the time I gave up,

Maybe if I had fought just a bit more,

I would have been free,

Free of the constraints of my mind,

The voices, the people 

I let them take over me,

I was alone, writhing with pain,

I let them play with me like a puppet,

Once my presence was no longer needed,

Once they scooped me empty to their delight,

And since I wasn't ideal anymore,

They threw me in the garbage,

These voices whom were in the disguise of comfort,

Took me in,

I felt safe,

Or so that I thought,

They became monsters once they knew the ins and outs of me,

the tactic was long and dull,

like stabs with a rusted knife,

Yet it was the most effective,

It hit where I was weak,

A wound left to heal,

Which was Inflicted by the people,

It wasn't too long before I realized,

That was a battle of control,

Control over my mind, my body,

And thus the battle of conscience begun,

I had two choices,

I could either escape and run forever,

Or,

I could just continue to fight,

What is the worst that could happen?

So, I fought with all my might,

Bleeding every minute,

Burning with anguish,

With will power diminishing,

Screaming in agonizing pain,

I gave up,

Now, I roam,

As a soul trapped in the confines of my own body, 

Where the light doesn't reach,

Where the screams of the damned can be heard,

I want be myself,

The voices to be gone,

And maybe one faithful day,

I will win,

I will be in control,

For thus the voices remain as the chains of my mind.....

By D.S.S. Lalitha Ujwala