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The Perfect Physiognomy

By Dhriti Banerjee

They say mending your skin mends your mental health. Not only that, but it will also mend your estranged relationship with that one teacher in school who just loved to pick on you. Additionally, they say that perfect skin also equals perfect grades. Thus let’s embark on a journey to bring our GPA out of its coma.

The first step to achieving flawless skin is to have a flawless skincare routine. It does not matter if you are a nice person at heart, unless you have flawless skin you are an abomination that must be ostracized from civilization forthwith. Your personality is only as colourful as your tan and your intellect is only as sharp as your brows.

The first step of your skincare routine, be it day or night, is cleansing. Yes, Grandma was right, washing your face daily is paramount. However, you must first find the right cleanser, or so they say. But, you will soon find that to be easier said than done. Since all cleansers seem to have the same effect on your skin. Grovel in agony as you fail to figure out if your skin is oily, or mixed, or sensitive, or just uncooperative.

Once you have that sorted, you can move on to step two. Toner; this clear-scented liquid that oddly looks like water, is apparently magic in a bottle. No one knows for sure what it is meant to do. But they say those who use it have begun to age backwards. They usually come in tiny bottles with large price tags attached to them.

Then comes the serum treatment; another mysterious liquid that comes in tinier bottles with larger price tags. However, this bottle comes with a dropper. So you feel ridiculously professional after applying it to your skin. You will swear on your mac and cheese that you can literally see all your spots and blemishes disappear as soon as you apply that magical liquid.

The next order of business is the eye cream because applying ordinary moisturizer over your eyes is so last season. Since it is “clinically proven” to reduce the burden under your tired eyes and reduce wrinkles at the same time, quietly wonder to yourself what kind of witchcraft you have stumbled upon and if you should indeed get your hopes that high.

Finally, you graduate to your last task, moisturizing. Yes, because it does not matter if your skin has moisture to spare, unless you look like a glazed doughnut, you have failed at successfully moisturizing yourself. Look at the elegant packaging and wonder to yourself, if you will end up looking that elegant tomorrow morning.

Before going to bed, make sure to scroll through your Instagram and randomly come across a picture of Kylie Jenner looking like the embodiment of perfection, as usual. Like the picture, buy one of her lipkits, because that is all it takes for someone to be as beautiful as her and then finally, succumb to sleep. Have a weird dream of battling a hoard of piranhas with just your fists and wake up completely satisfied and ready to face the day.

Unfortunately, just after waking up, you will soon come across your own reflection in the mirror. One look and you will stare at your reflection for a good five minutes. Then take your phone off the bedside and say, “Google, Google on my phone. Why on earth do I look like a gnome?”

By Dhriti Banerjee

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