The Housesurgeon

By Parimal Udapurkar

T minus 2 weeks - ”Send her to Dr. Ramteke. Only one man under the sun can open her. That abdomen is every surgeons nightmare.” Scribble. Follow up after 2 weeks on Monday OPD at 1pm. I should call mom while I have the time. I missed her call yesterday.

T minus 4 hours: Consultant doctor calling. Hello? Hello. Keep O negative blood ready, Farin is coming. Farin? She isn't due for another four weeks! I know, her water broke. End call. Mom calling. Oh no I can't pick up right now. This is such a wrong time. She doesn't sleep till 11pm anyway. What time is it though. 10:06pm. Great I'll call her later tonight. For sure. Call the urologist. Face the music. Apologize. Call the other urologist. Discuss case. Apologize? No, force of habit. Urologists informed. General surgeons informed.

T minus 1 hour: "Did you inform the urologists?" Yes sir. "General surgeons?" Informed, sir. "How many bags of blood do we have for her?" Oh christ I forgot about the blood. I should walk to the blood bank, they will take me more seriously. Ugh, stomach hurts. Did I have lunch today? Yes, cheese cracker. Wait that was yesterday. I should ask if plasma is available too while I'm at the blood bank. How smart of me.

T minus 50 minutes: We got four blood bags reserved. "Okay" Okay? Four blood bags in 10 minutes! Thanks for not noticing. Only been doing this for fifteen months now. "Huh? Did you say something?" Yeah, I think I'll write him the prescription now. "How have you not prescribed already?? The patient is almost inside the OT..."

T - 42 minutes: Sterile gloves size 6.5. Ten of them. Umm, Urologists... must be 7.5. Another ten. Pelvic drain. One. No I have an extra one in my bag. The bag you brought her from Shillong, she must have kept it, right? No she probably threw it away months ago. It's like I don't even know her anymore. Methylene blue. One. How could she do this to me. I mean him of all people. She should have atleast told me she liked him. No why should she tell you. You're a nobody to her now. She doesn't owe you an answer. Suturing threads. Atleast ten of them. I'm going to confront her on Monday! No you won't. Ten would be too expensive. Five.

T - 20 minutes: "Whenever we call Urologists to the OT we must always have methylene blue. Go prescribe it to her, you still have time.." Yeah right, genius. I already did. "It must have not crossed your mind right?" No sir it did not, I'll do it right away. "You guys have it too easy. You know when we were housesurgeons... "

T - 13 minutes: "Taking incision." "Mop." "Artery forcep? Cautery." They haven't yet asked for anything that I didn't prescribe. So far so good. How could I have forgotten about the blood bags though. What kind of a loser forgets to reserve blood for such a big surgery. You kind of a loser. You!

T - 2 min: "The anesthetists may ask for plasma. Call the blood bank and confirm availability." Yes plasma is available, but only 6 bags. Each costs 400 rupees. Two of them expire at midnight and one of them contains only 180ml instead of the usual 225ml. Abhinav told me himself. He is the technician on call for tonight. Also showed me his wife's ultrasound. I've called her to the OPD on Monday. And if the anesthetists were to ask for plasma they would first ask for blood and later ask for platelets but the platelet technician had gone for tea like they always do. 7544 is their extension number. All of that and calcium gluconate. I hope they atleast have calcium gluconate in this god forsaken hospital.

T - 30 sec: "She's open. The Gynaecologists may take over now" She open? That was fast. What a boss surgeon. I want to be as good as her one day. Wish Dad was there to see it. Damn you Covid for taking Dad away.

T - 10s: "I cannot access the lower segment. I'm going classical route" Classical?! Such an exciting case this one. I'm lucky to even be watching this.

T - 0: Baby cries. "Time of birth, 01:20"

Wait. 01:20? Like AM? Mom must have slept by now. I'll call her tomorrow. For sure.

***

Context: Wrote this piece in my eighth Covid posting during the fifteenth month of our housesurgeonship, something that is ordinarily expected to last only 12 months at the maximum. Found it in my Evernote earlier this week.

Housesurgeons are the pillars of the broken bridge of government infrastructure bearing the load of the ailing crossing over to the side of great outcomes. A gentle reminder that there always is more to the life of a houseman. That life goes on for them even if they spend all day everyday in hospital wards wallowing in self-doubt, sleep deprivation and ubiquitous discouragement. If you are a houseman reading this, this is for you. If you are no longer a houseman, this is still for you because this is us giving ourselves the acknowledgement that we were human before housemen even if everyone refused to see it in our time.

All the characters and events depicted are fictitious. Any resemblance to a person living or dead is purely coincidental.

We went on to remain housesurgeons for five more months after I wrote this.

Inspiration and in-picture: Door to incision time of 62 minutes in a case of Emergency Classical Caesarean Section with bowel adhesiolysis in view of Preterm Premature Rupture of Membranes in a known case of Ectopia Vesicae status post Indiana Pouch construction with third degree uterovaginal prolapse.

By Parimal Udapurkar