The Girl Who Wanted To be God

By Nirmiti Kalekar

I've developed a habit of telling people,

though jokingly (but I don't know),

that I can't partake in small talks,

but if they might ever need a kidney,

they can count on me.

But, I do always observe.

Now, online, offline, closely studying them.

And I remember. Everything.

I think I see them like the sky does.

It can be black or blue or orange or pink or all

and observe through all its different shades.

It has nothing to gain or to lose.

It has nothing they can steal and nothing more it will need.

But they do leave their trace in it.

Smoke and scents.

People, trees, animals.

Maybe, it too makes stories through and out of them.

And maybe, that's what 'God' does too.

It too, is an observer

- an artist and an innovator and everything and nothing

- all I can only be close enough to aspire for

or am I it already?

For a while I thought, 'God' is perfection.

For a while, I wanted to be that God.

But 'God' does make mistakes, doesn't it?

And yet, to be God is to be an observer

- of life and pain, yet love and laugh and be okay.

To sit in the sky and see.

Change seasonally.

To feel and then be freshly faceless.

Unhindered by any identity.

Every day, every moment.

To be nothing and everything

and then leave it alone.

Everything under it driving it.

To be seen and unseen.

Uncontrolling and accepting.

And God has aced it.

Awakened to it.

But it does cry sometimes -

Only that it cannot be human.

Ordinary.

Feel fully and yet not partake in pain or pleasure,

or frown and complain.

Voluntarily and involuntarily.

Blessed and cursed.

And being 'God' is not bad enough to not be.

Is it?

By Nirmiti Kalekar