The End

By Vrischika Kotak

the sad thing is, i don’t miss you anymore. it’s the way you made me feel and the fact that i let you. september is here and everything i built to survive this seems to be falling apart. the walls around my heart have started to disintegrate and my skin has started to shed. i cannot even look at my own self. my heart has been subject to so many tragedies and yet it is the most delicate thing i’ve ever known so, how could i have let you be so cruel with it? the next few months will remind me of the last time this season rolled around for us and you had already left.

i will remember biting my tongue until my mouth drowned in blood and the words ended up echoing within my body . i have carried them with me since. i will let myself rot but not speak. was i always too much or not enough? i will question myself until i cannot. i will let my body fill up with grief until it becomes too heavy to carry. i could’ve stopped this. i should’ve walked away when i had the chance but god all i wanted to know was the taste of your lips but they only ever ended up eating me alive and then i could not get enough of it. i wanted to hear my name roll off your tongue like it was your second nature but it only set me on fire. if anyone were to hold me now i imagine they would burn. we shouldn't be together, we were never meant to, you were a lesson and i was a chore but god some days i still find myself wishing you would show up at my front door, you would tell me you’re here to stay and that we’ve both made mistakes and that we could figure this out but i imagine we will have already died by the end of this month, right?

the sad thing is, i don’t miss you anymore. it’s the way you made me feel and the fact that i let you. september is here and everything i built to survive this seems to be falling apart. the walls around my heart have started to disintegrate and my skin has started to shed. i cannot even look at my own self. my heart has been subject to so many tragedies and yet it is the most delicate thing i’ve ever known so, how could i have let you be so cruel with it? the next few months will remind me of the last time this season rolled around for us and you had already left.

i will remember biting my tongue until my mouth drowned in blood and the words ended up echoing within my body . i have carried them with me since. i will let myself rot but not speak. was i always too much or not enough? i will question myself until i cannot. i will let my body fill up with grief until it becomes too heavy to carry. i could’ve stopped this. i should’ve walked away when i had the chance but god all i wanted to know was the taste of your lips but they only ever ended up eating me alive and then i could not get enough of it. i wanted to hear my name roll off your tongue like it was your second nature but it only set me on fire. if anyone were to hold me now i imagine they would burn. we shouldn't be together, we were never meant to, you were a lesson and i was a chore but god some days i still find myself wishing you would show up at my front door, you would tell me you’re here to stay and that we’ve both made mistakes and that we could figure this out but i imagine we will have already died by the end of this month, right?

By Vrischika Kotak