The Dead Secret

By Sreemanti Bag

The weather seemed to be unpredictable. It was raining on and off. The bizarre thunderstorm was striking at irregular intervals. Preity was the most reluctant girl of her age and of her era to hang out with guys. Saroj threw a gruesome look – “Preity, this is your height of idiocy. If you refrain from intermingling with people of opposite sex, how could you expect to get a soul mate?” Samantha nodded – “Yes Preity, you are already into your mid twenties. Don’t shy away from guys like this.” Sameera , in her usual tomboyish manner chuckled – “Expectation kills, acceptance heals.”

It was an old school reunion - a reconciliation of batch mates after long eight years of leaving school. Shakira muttered – “People, ours might have been a girls school, but I have dated as many as twenty guys right from the day, I got promoted to high school. ”Everyone burst out into laughter. Priyanka stammered – “I may feel shaky, yet I confess that I am a virgin, no more”. And all unanimously thundered “Preity has not yet started seeing a guy!” Everyone started mocking and looking at her with an expression of pity.

Preity at last broke her silence. An all time school topper with numerous awards and trophies in her possession, she started speaking like a champion orator that she always had been in her school days- “Silence, all! What I feel is, virginity does not lie in body, it lies in soul. Once you have lost your soul truly to anyone, you are a virgin no more and you are taken. True love can be experienced once and forever, what if twenty or even twenty thousand guys come in your life! To get an ideal soul mate, its not necessary to mingle with umpteen number of guys, its necessary to build a bridge between two hearts that would surpass all obstacles of being self - centred.” Everyone started looking at each other with a staring look. After few moments of silence, the reunion hall thronged with thuds of whistles and claps.

The reunion ended peacefully. The evening turned dark and gloomy with drizzles of rain. Preity tried to hide her tears behind her myopic spectacles. She was all alone on the narrow alley which took her from school to home. A well –designed speech today could disguise her regret of being single in front of a crowd but deep within, she was wreathing in pain. “But I am a virgin no more”, she said to herself in a self - explanatory note,” if what I said to my batch mates today so confidently is taken to be true, then I have already lost myself to someone eight years back.”

Eight years back, it was the same lane and same rainy evening when Preity was returning home from her school –leaving farewell party. Suddenly, a dead past sprang up from the pages of her memory and became alive in front of her eyes.

Rakesh Sir was the cutest guy Preity has ever met in person. He was the sole male teacher in the history department of her school. With his perfect chocolate boy looks, he seemed to be in the crush list of many young girls including her batch mates. Just like what Shakira once said in school –cafeteria that – “With a heroic figure like Rakesh Sir delivering lectures, even the most boring subject like history turns out to be super sexy”, this man really had some charming vibes coupled with killer looks.

He joined school nine months before Preity’s final board exams. Students often used to skip classed in a bid to study as much as possible at home. Preity too joined in this league. But she never used to bunk any of her favourite Sir’s history classes.

Preity was a brilliant student. Her plus two mark sheet was enviable and could have led her to take up the science stream but she voluntarily decided to go to the arts stream for her keen interest in anthropology which she wished to pursue as her career in field of research, hence she got well connected to all chapters of history, particularly the way it got explained pictorially by her Rakesh Sir. Preity was realising that slowly and steadily she was getting attracted to her history teacher. She preferred to keep it secret from her batch mates, many of whom, she knew were in queue to get attention of the same guy.

Rakesh had a robust personality. Though unmarried, no one ever came to know his relationship status, he did not even own a social media profile. Girls kept spying on him and prying into his private life but all in vain. “Did he at all have a legitimate wife or a girl friend or into any casual affair?” Samantha was once discussing in the canteen. Saroj interrupted – “Yes dear, he seems to be in his mid –thirties, must be sex –starved. He may even have secret flings.” Rakesh Sir’s love life became the hot topic of discussion just like the hot coffee that was served to the girls in the canteen. Preity could no more tolerate how the shameless gang got engaged in the autopsy of the moral character of the man of her dreams. She left the canteen hurriedly finishing her coffee.

She gathered up some courage to ask Rakesh whether he had a woman in his life. She knew Rakesh used to take evening strolls at that time in the school - campus with his pet puppy. That day was no exception. Preity stood face to face for the first time with Rakesh, threw a bold glance and started to speak. “Good evening Sir”, but that was all she could scoop out of her vocal cords which then became paralysed and Preity went into a state of temporary aphonia. Both kept looking at each other – Rakesh with a bewildering look and Preity with an awestruck one. Rakesh gave a pat on her shoulders - “Do you have anything more to say , Preity?” The petty touch to Preity seemed to be like a tight hug. She was longing for more. “Why are you silent Preity? Are you fancying something or someone?” Preity’s trance like state was halted. “Sorry, Sir”, were the only two words she could utter and then she left. The puppy kept barking for a few minutes.

Her whole day went in imagination roaming around trees hand – in – hand with Rakesh, his arms on her shoulder, on her back. The next day the imagination became even more raunchy. She could feel Rakesh touching all her body parts just like his pet puppy keeps on licking his master to express its happiness. The following day her emotions became even more intense when she felt Rakesh’s peck on her lips which subsequently ended up in a deep kiss. As days were passing by, her illusions were taking over her normal self. She could always sense the presence of Rakesh by her side.

Preity’s parents got worried of her sudden drop of performance at exams. They did notice her lack of concentration and focus in studies. However, Preity was successful in maintaining the secrecy of her imaginary affair. Perplexed and jeopardized, Preity’s parents coaxed her into some psychological counselling. The psychiatrist managed to peek deep into her mind and could decipher who dwelled inside.

“Mr. and Mrs. Sharma, I have understood what’s going on the mind of your kid. It’s just usual teenage behaviour. She has fallen madly in love with her history tutor though they have hardly interacted with each other beyond question –answer sessions in classes. Her imaginations have crossed such boundaries that she has even fancied to sleep with her teacher and lost her priced virginity to him. It’s your kind cooperation and compassionate care that can drag her out of this situation. But please promise to keep it a secret, that your kid’s secret is no more a secret to you.”

From that very day Preity’s parents started caring her like they used to do in her infancy; always kept a watchful supervision, kept her engaged in conversations and activities that would shift her attention from thoughts of her Rakesh Sir. They succeeded partially. Preity had to do so many back-to back tuitions, dance and tennis classes that she got hardly any spare time to be unmindful. Board exams were nearing, hence they were permitted study leave. Rakesh Sir and her imaginary love, were both gradually fading away from her mind.

Luckily enough, board exams got over, Preity did quite well. She was almost sure of securing star marks. One fine morning, while she was watching a play on Romeo – Juliet on television, memories of her secret affair got rejuvenated. She was hankering again to hold hands and get warm touch of her Rakesh Sir. Her lips were trembling for a soupy kiss. She could feel her body shaking and was all in sweat. She locked her room and became naked in thirst of phantasmal sex.

The next day, she went to school and visited the history department. “It’s enough, it’s high time to confess her secret love to her man”, she thought. But there she was shocked with the news that Rakesh Sir has resigned. She kept frantically searching Rakesh but to preserve her secrecy, she could not confide in either her parents or her batch mates. With failed adventure of interrogations, she resorted back to her imaginations.

Then came the farewell party day after their board exam results got declared. Preity was dressed in a white saree. After the ceremony got over, she was returning home all alone in the dark by-lane. It started raining and darkness engulfed the faint street lights. She could make out a manly figure walking down towards her with a bouquet of flowers. As he was nearing, Preity’s heartbeat went faster. The very face that emerged from darkness of the evening enthralled her. ----- “Rakesh Sir”, she yelled in most pleasant surprise ever. She could not hold her emotions, ran fast and embraced him. To her utter surprise, it was not her imagination any more. This was real Rakesh in flesh and blood.

“Rakesh Sir? Where did you vanish all of a sudden?” she screamed while smothering his face with kisses. But she was shocked as she felt some red viscous liquid flowing down the back of Rakesh. “Oh my God!” Preity got shattered, Rakesh was stabbed from behind. A big sharp knife had been punched into his back.

Rakesh was gasping and breathing his last. In a broken feeble voice, he could manage his last few words to Preity – “Preity, I had been eyeing you since the first day, your eyes fell on me. I knew you love me and I began to love you too but I chose to keep it a secret, keeping in mind our huge age –gap and your forthcoming board exams. Today when I came to know that you have passed with flying colors, I thought of congratulating you with these flowers and finally express my love to you. I withdrew some cash from the nearby ATM so that I may buy you an expensive dinner and some gifts. But on my way, I was chased down by some local goons who wished to snatch my money. As I refused and went into arguments with them, they stabbed me and took my cash, leaving these flowers untouched.” Then with his blood soaked fingers, he handed over the bouquet of flowers to Preity. Drops of warm tears ran down his blood – soaked shirt. Preity’s love was lost the same day it was found. Rakesh took a deep sigh and closed his eyes forever. Preity laid down on dead Rakesh on the barren street, touched her breast to his bare chest, held him snugly between her wet arms and kissed him many times. The siren of a police vehicle honked from the nook of silence. Preity sprung up, touched her lover’s face with her tear –drenched hands for the last time and disappeared into the darkness, She decided to keep her secret affair, a secret forever. Since then, she never even stared at any guy.

By Sreemanti Bag