The Dark Mountain

By Sabira Kaur

Pain. a feeling that follows getting hurt, a misspoken word, a small cut, a wound. All of them inflict pain, some more than others, but sometimes a word can stab you a lot harder than a knife ever could. The worst kind of pain is the one that you bring upon yourself.

The hate you impose on you, your body and your mind, will always one up any type of physical or emotional trauma you face. The intrusive thoughts in your mind pile up higher, full of insecurities and self doubt. Convincing yourself that someone always has their eyes on you, that you need to be perfect in order to be alive, that you don’t deserve to be here if you don't do everything they expect you to.

I pin up my ginger hair, which fully contrasts my ebony eyes. Moving the small strands that fall on my face behind my ear, I force myself to get into bed and shut off the light, in hopes of being able to sleep. My lean body lies face up on the soft white cloud, and I slowly bring my eyelids down, blocking my vision and making myself fade into oblivion.

A dream is only a vivid image of your thoughts. A nightmare is your deepest darkest secrets coming to haunt you. No matter how hard you try to run, it catches up, and hits you harder than you’d expect.

As captivating as nights are described as, they have never been much less than completely petrifying. The world goes silent, people go to their own wonderlands, the sky goes dark, the light dissipates leaving only its reflections. But that's not what bothers me, on the contrary, it's what comforts me. It helps me when the dark mountain of my thoughts reaches unimaginable heights and rampages the places i thought i had hid in. Its darkness overflows into my peace and quiet, scarring my self esteem and destroying the doorway to the little confidence I have.

Chafing me, it screams out with far too much boldness, “you will never be good enough, you're a small hill, i am the highest mountain made up of the darkest parts of you”

I am my only enemy, i am the only one to blame, and i'm the only one that needs breaking

By Sabira Kaur