The Approval

By Jaibala M Rao

“Stop it dad, just calm down,” Nia was exasperated. Her father needed help, but he was stubborn and he wouldn’t let her help him. She still remembered how he would turn to her for every little thing. But one moment and her reaction changed all that. Nia was no longer her father’s partner in crime; she was a monster that had fed her parents to their doom. She had decided to follow her heart two years back and all hell broke loose in the Dastoor household.

But Nia could not stay away now that he was all alone. She had to come to him. Maybe to him was not the right explanation. But she did not know what to call the situation where two people lived in the same house like strangers. Her mother’s death is what had brought them together after all this time. She was hoping that time had mellowed her father down. At least that is what her mom would tell her, whenever they had their secret phone calls. Nia was sure that her mother had mistaken his quiet for calm. If she wasn’t sure before she knew now that his silence was just anger simmering to a boil and by being here Nia was the flaming the fire.

Born to doctor parents who had given up on having children she was their own miracle; an angel that they named Anya. They had vowed to give her a perfect life. Her world was filled with the best - the choicest clothes, the latest toys, the most exotic vacations and a life of luxury. She had everything a person could ever want. For her part Nia, as her parents loving called her, was always the dutiful daughter that they thought she would be. They never had to raise their voice let alone have to ever discipline her.

Nia’s father taught her to dream. Her choice and opinion mattered and she was always allowed to take her own decisions. She was allowed to be whatever and whoever she wanted to be. When she chose to be a fashion designer, her parents were right by her side, looking at courses and selecting institutes. Whenever there was a dispute, her mother was always the one that needed convincing; her father was ever ready for an adventure.

Falling in love was just another amazing experience for Nia. She had seen her parents in perfect sync with each other and had always desired the same kind of understanding. And then one day she found Kiran, who understood her, never undermined her decisions and always empowered her and her choices. Nia was happy to find a partner for life who would love her just like her parents. She finally understood what romance was and what it meant to be in love. One thing Nia was sure of was that like everything else her parents would stand by her decision when it came to her life partner. And it was with that expectation that she told them all about Kiran and the kind of life they planned to have together.

On the day her parents were to meet Kiran, Nia kept telling herself that everything would be fine. The fact that everyone loved her was the reason that everyone was coming together, and that should be enough. Her mother was excited, cooking up a storm in the kitchen lest she disappoint Kiran. Her father was going overboard with the rest of the preparations. Admist his excitement he sensed Nia was extremely nervous, but he just could not understand the reason for it. He ultimately just put it down to anxiousness and went on about his work.

Nia knew she had taken a huge risk by not telling her parents everything about her relationship. But she wanted them to give Kiran a fair chance and not prejudge. While she laid the final pieces of cutlery on the table, Nia was confident that just like every other time; her parents will stand by her decision. “They might need some convincing, but at least I gave my love a fighting chance”, she thought.

But as Kiran walked in with a bottle of her father’s favourite whiskey and a bouquet of her mother’s favourite roses everything changed. Nia knew that the large tattoo on Kiran’s right arm was not the reason for her parent’s shock. One look in her father’s eyes conveyed to her all his disappointment. “I will explain, they will understand, I know they will”, she thought. Sensing Kiran’s anxiousness Nia gave an assuring look. They way the afternoon began and progressed, was enough to let her know that her plan had backfired. She had expected her mother’s panic. What actually broke her heart was when father refused to look at her all afternoon. What she did not know was that her father’s disappointment was going to be the least of her worries.

Nia realised what she was dealing with the minute she said goodbye to Kiran. Her father just walked away and her mother followed. Despite many attempts Nia did not have the courage to go to them and talk. The house was filled with silence for the rest of the day. Finally when her parents did not come down for dinner Nia decided she had to go up to them. They had to talk. But the only thing she felt as she walked into the room was anger. “I should have told you,” She began “You think,” Her father replied “after all we have done for you, you don’t think it important enough to tell me this.” “You taught me to be the independent thinker dad, you were the one telling me to make my own decisions.” “I will still encourage you to take your decisions, but this is not something that I will approve of or standby.” The minute she had walked into the room Nia had realised it would come to this. She did not want to say the words but she knew she had to. “Your approval would have made me happy, but the disapproval does not change my decision” Her father was shocked; he could not believe that his little Nia would say this to him.

Nia waited the night out and tried to talk to her father again the next morning. But nothing changed and he left her with an ultimatum, she had to choose between being his little Nia and being with Kiran. And her choice was already made. Two years had passed since she walked out of the only home she knew. Her mother tried hard to bring the two of them together, but anger was the primary emotion that ruled their heart then and probably even now.

And now that she had lost that bridge that connected her to her home, Nia did not have to come back home. But she had come, not letting one moment define the kind of daughter she was. Kiran had decided to stay away from the house as much as possible. The three of them under the same roof would have been an impossible situation. But letting Anya come alone here was unthinkable. So they had travelled together and they had booked in a hotel nearby, where Kiran was at this moment. Since the time she had come her father would not let her help him. He kept her locked out for hours, the day she arrived, and that set the tone for everything else. After all they were similar, even in their own stubbornness. And Nia would not give up.

Her father’s health had been failing and Nia had decided to spend whatever time they had together. As always, Kiran had supported her decision. They both knew this had to be done and it was Nia’s responsibility to at least try. After a while her father began to tolerate her. The little things she did reminded him every moment of what they had together, reminding him that he still had a family only if he accepted it. But he refused to accept it.

“Why,” he asked her one evening “Why are both of you doing this for me?”

“Just because my choice to love someone different changed the kind of father you are, does not mean it will change the kind of daughter I am.” Nia walked away as slowly as she could. As much as she wanted to walk up to him and embrace him to let him know that everything would be fine, she knew that the schism between them was too wide. All because she had made a choice to love someone he could not approve of.

As she was walking away she did not realise that her father was speaking to no one in particular “You are wrong, I am the same father, but even your choice to love her could not change the man I am.”

By Jaibala M Rao