Story

By Meera

'Get off the bed, now. Wake up from your sleep!!. It's 8 in the morning, get up and help me with some chores!!'.

'Why are you shouting???. What do you want ma??'.

'Get off the bed and make up the bed soonnn!!'. She sounded irked.

'What help do you need??'.

'Come here and talk to me!!'.

'What ma??. What help is it??'. I sat on the kitchen counter next to her.

'Just freshen up soon and have your breakfast. Here, take this coffe with you. I want you to go to the library to submit these books and have this list, bring these books with you'.

'Ma!?... Library. No way ma!!!... I have some work!'.

'What work you have?. You hardly do anything nowadays!!'.

'Ma... Please no!. I can do other jobs than the library one's!!'.

'What's wrong with library??. I was about to tell you to take some books for you too??'.

'Am not a book person, ma. You enjoy your world of books and reading!'.

'I will leave you to decide on that. But, you are going to go to the library today, for submitting my books. If you say no, then buy some veggies and cook the meals and do the laundry, while I handle the library business'.

'Ma...??. You can't be serious!!. Are you?'.

'I am. Listen, you are just lying around the whole day, sometime on the couch or on the bed. I wanted to talk to you about your career!!. I know your love for photography, you were good at it, then what's stopping you now??'.

'Ma, I am no more good at it, let's just put it that way. I would love to shift my career!... You want me to help you, so let me do that now. I will soon be back'.

'No way, don't you head ahead. I am not done yet!!'.

'I am done talking ma!!... Let me head soon to the library!!'.

'Hey...!'.

'I will be soon for breakfastttt, ma'. I shouted as I landed upstairs.

I boarded the local fast trains and reclined safe, near to the entrance as the wind blew on my face. I stood there observing the people entering the train, from different walks of life and their urgency to get somewhere sooner, while enjoying their short train journey. Weird, but it feels nice inside, to be present amidst this lively aura.

'How can I help you??'.

'I came in to drop in these books, mam!!'.

'Sure!!. Place it there and fill in this notebook with details'.

'Sure Mam!!'.

'You have returned the books on time and thank you for returning them, in good condition!. Do you like to have a look on some other books!!'.

'Thank you on that. Yes, I will head upstairs, mam!'.

'Sure, thank you!'.

Kneely, I ran down my fingers on the shelfs to tick off the list fast and I had a struggle to place the one last book on the list. No, why can't she make an easy one?. It's half past midday and am famished, I better get the book fast and reach soon and my eyes caught hold, of that final name of the book. In no time, I pulled it out of the counter and the books nearby tumbled and began to heap on the floor. I collected them and as I was about to place them, the last book held me curious.

'Take a chance to read'. What kind of a book, this might be?. Hmm... Let's have a quick look at it and head home. I took the last book carefully and placed the other books back, while I opened the book.

'Its a collection of my incidents in life. I loved writing this, as I was able to live those moments again. I had a great journey so far. Help yourself to skim through!'. It feels like the book is talking,

do they??. It sounds interesting, let me dive in on one incident and am off!.

'I was the last second child on my mum's family. Being a tiny kid, I was the most pampered. I had a whole bunch of my cousins, playing and giggling around with me. I always felt the cocoon warmth from my family and others, as they were there for me, ever!!. Soon, I grew up fast, to hit my first decade on earth. I was 9 years old with all the playfulness and child like innocence, when I was been forced to be on a situation, I was never been taught on how to describe it, at that young age. I was molested and I couldn't feel good inside but I was never been able to pick up the right words to explain my situation, to anyone!!. I kept quiet... Yes, I stayed quiet. Was I wrong to keep mum!?'.

Oh...my god, I can feel the pain. The book is talking!!!. It certainly is!. I skimmed through the pages fast...

'Yes!!. I did wrong to myself by keeping mum!. I was the most torturesome kid you could ever come across. I became worse as my teenage phase began, with all the hormones hitting on all sides of the roof. I was angry all the time, I couldn't place a particular reason for!!. I made their days worsen if anyone approached me, to care. Constantly, something was burning inside me. I made sure, no one neared me and I guarded myself from allowing anyone to enter, into the space of friendship, with me. I know I sound worse, but that was who I was on my teens and it changed, one fine day. At 15, I watched an animated movie of the journey, of a father in search of his son on a large big ocean. The calmness the ocean held, was the one thing that stood out to me and I held on to that thought and set out my mind to get there, deep into the ocean to feel that calmness rather than just burning inside!'.

Calmness rather than just burning inside!!!. I shifted to the next chapter soon.

'I was detected to have cancer, how can it be??. I felt nothing, as I walked out of the scan room. I was asked a few questions on my family health history, while I was examined and I was been told that I have cancer cells in my body. But my family doctor, was pretty confident on, that couldn't be the case, as I showed no symptoms of cancer. She advised me to diagnose it again, with a different doctor. He was calm and focused on his work and reported that am fine enough,

and its just a couple of benign cells irregularly shaped and a normal surgery would be fine, to remove them. After the surgery, I went to my hometown and I inhaled the first fresh air at that early in the morning as I stepped out of the train. As always, I felt thrilled, belonged, Protected, warmth and confident on my skin as I walked out of the train station to home. The vibe the city showers on me as I inhale the first long air never changed, it's a rare emotion, one that's cherished safely. I feel the same when I think about my dream always!!.

Wow!. This person is right, that's how I feel when I lay my camera on my neck and roam around to click pictures... I jumped into the following pages.

'I was frozen and all the things that the 9 year oldself had undergone was flashing as I stood still even when I was ill treated on a bus. I couldn't move a hand to slap him or shout at me nor ask for help. I stood firm and did nothing. I never opened up about my young age dark incidents to anyone, nor did any research. I was afraid to know what had happened to me that day, eventhough with age, I could figure out better!. I was a coward to face it. I trembled as I walked out of the bus and I cried my heart out, as I burned the dress I was wearing that day. No nothing helped, except one. Again, I was burning Inside. This time, I had a bunch of friends who showed me on how to trust and made me feel good about it, inside. I loved being with them, they loved me back despite me being an introvert and I backstabbed them. Yes, I did it once in my entire life, though I didn't feel good about it, I did that as I felt right. In return I paid the price, I lost the friendship me and my best friend shared!'.

Why did she?. If she didn't feel right!!. Strange and I reached the next writings.

I was alone without my family, but I was thrilled and so happy as I would live my dream soon. I was on a different land far away from my loved ones, but I was doing fine, or that's what I thought. The different culture and the calm and happening landscapes kept me excited. I made a new beautiful friendship and had a blast of a time with her beside always, as we two enjoyed dining out together, walked uni together, cooked and shopped together, would take long and late night walks together and the togetherness felt really good!!. I hardly missed my loved ones back home and I fairly did well on my studies. Life was so good and I lived every second in that happy space and tasted joy, never knew it was way too short lived. I saw my dream getting shattered right in front of me and the helplessness I felt, was the worst emotion I had ever come across.

Poor soul!!. Just like me!... How's she now??... I reached the final pages of the book.

'I fell into depression, worse I was in a deep depression state and I couldn't feel myself. My best friend kept me alive till I had to be in that country. My family kept me alive when I was back home. I was alive, just alive with nothing, I could feel inside. I existed, but I never lived, until I tumbled upon that day. It bloomed just like any other day did. But, I could feel my brain cells rewiring in full speed. My dream kept me alive too, as it never ever left me alone, to deal with anything around me. But, I couldn't trust myself to face a failure again, so I never cared about my dreams screaming inside to grab my attention. But at that day, my dream popped, as it did ever and I felt lively inside back again, with no confidence, but I was fine to accept that. I kept living my dream inside my head, I kept chanting inside me that I am a tough built!!. I could come out of anything that could stop me from feeling my dream within. I grabbed myself once again, back!!!'.

'Wow!!... Its time to grab mine... I kept the book back on its place and I ran off, to catch the train home.

'What took you so long in the library??. Have you eaten something??. Why are you in a hurry??'.

'I am heading out ma!!. I will come and have some food!!. Your list kept me intact!'. I winked at her and placed my camera string on my neck.

'Where are you heading??. What...Camera??. Camera... Really. What are you going to do??'.

'What would I do, other than taking pictures ma!!'.

'What??. How come all of a sudden??.

'Because am a tough built too, ma!!'.

'What??'.

'Nothing ma, I will live my dream. Bye ma!!'. She smiled broadly at me bidding me bye.

Author's note:

We all are tough built. We all have a life with good, bad, worse and unacceptable moments, but I so believe that the one that keeps us lively would be our dream about anything. It builds us, defines us and makes us into a better person. It is a one true sculptor. I have tried my best to bring in the culture of the human library in the book form. Enjoy reading.

By Meera