She Prayed to Guard For Me

By Mian Anais

It is winter in Arizona 

No thanks to the sun 

I am sweating through my favorite hat 

The one Mama  thinks I wear 

Because I wanna be a boy 

It is winter in Arizona 

And mama told grandma 

I kissed a girl 

Said I cut my hair 

Said im a boy now 

Said 

I call myself being gay 

Gay 

Sat at the back of her throat 

Like that cough medicine 

You need a ginger ale to wash down

This heat must've made me lose my mind 

Said she didn’t raise me to be that way 

Put Mian on the phone 

Found my ears 

Rang there for a moment 

I held my breath 

Squeezed back the sea 

If only I could cry in reverse 

At “Hey Baby” 

I breathed no sigh of relief 

Awaited the flood 

Anticipated the disappointment 

The disgust 

Got love 

Got fear

Got Grandmas words instead 

Wrapped me in a hug 

I will always love you honey bun 

We cried together 

When she pleaded 

Be careful out there 

We cried together 

People want to hurt people like you 

Think because of Adam and Eve they justified 

Just give it to God baby

Just give it to God 

I held my breath 

Squeezed back the sea 

Imagined her 

Tears pulling rivers down chocolate I 

Resting on high cheekbones 

Before meeting at her chin 

Photographed in my mind 

Grandma's wrinkled hands 

Spoke in story 

In the lap of her favorite nightgown 

It is midday in Georgia 

Arizona just half past nine 

Glistened skin 

Reflected the sun 

Shone golden bronze 

Tears run and fall from my cheekbones 

High same as Grandmas 

We cried together 

And my Grandma said 

She would pray to God for me

By Mian Anais