Samana's Dilemma

By Afreen Irfana.H

Samana sat next to the window of a moving car, counting the rain drops gradually sliding down along the glass. Pretty soon, the window was completely painted by rain water, blurring her vision of the outside world. As the light from the other vehicles flashed in her direction through the window, they got broken down into thin fragments as they shined on her face and their reflection moved to the roof of the car.

It was a beautiful day and Samana decided to slide down the window and let the water hit her face directly. She closed her eyes and took in the fresh air as much as her lungs would allow. Rainy days had the power to transport her to a dream world and suddenly everything around her went quiet and she was drowning every bit of herself in that perfect moment.

As she took her phone out to capture the beautiful scenery around her, her father’s voice interrupted her from her trance, “Samana dear, you’ve got to take your life seriously. You are not a child anymore and you have to start acting your age”. Her mother joining him, said in a stern voice,” You do realise that we are not going to be around to take care of you forever, don’t you?”

Samana let out a heavy sigh, for in that moment she realised, she could no longer enjoy the weather in peace and that her parents were going to have “that” conversation. She braced herself for what is to come. Her mother losing her patience at that point, turned towards her, “Daughter, you are not a princess that your father made you to believe but rather a simple girl. It’s not right to have sky high expectations. You cannot keep rejecting every good guy you meet”. From the looks of it, Samana realised that she had yet again disappointed her parents.

They were going back home after a strenuous discussion with a potential groom for their daughter but the meeting had not gone quite as well as they’d hoped.

Upon their insistence, Samana reluctantly agreed to meet with Asif to see if they’d make a suitable pair. Her parents really wished for the arrangement to become a success, because in their eyes, Asif was everything they wanted in a son-in-law. He was from a good family, well established and most importantly, a doctor. They believed, their daughter would never get a partner better than him.

But being the disappointment that she was, Samana rejected him and when she was asked to explain her reasons, she couldn’t come up with anything other than that she wasn’t able to connect with him which frustrated her parents even more. She said in a determined yet a soft voice, “I’m really sorry father, Asif is a nice guy but I don’t really think we are suitable for each other. The difference between us is enormous and as such, it would be wrong of me to go ahead with the marriage for both our sakes, when I know we don’t have nor will ever have any mental connection”.

Her mother getting visibly annoyed with each passing second exclaimed loudly, “What connection?! Children these days are too entitled that they think they are in some way special or better than others. In our days we married the grooms pointed out by our parents without even looking at their pictures. You are lucky that we let you meet the guy and give you a chance to choose your spouse. Perhaps we shouldn’t have given you so much freedom”. Her father sensing the situation escalating quickly, tried to lower the tension in the air by changing the topic,” Look at the rain outside, it’s very serene. Let us enjoy the weather for now and have the discussion later”.

She internally thanked her father for the diversion but she could no longer enjoy the lovely weather, for her mind was completely occupied by what her mother said. It wasn’t her intention to reject Asif, as she herself believed he was a nice guy. She genuinely tried to like him and even told herself over and over again to only look at his bright side but despite herself, she couldn’t connect with him beyond the surface level. This was the problem she had been dealing with her whole life not just with regards to marriage but with everything.

She had always felt different from others and had never been able to connect with people all that easily as she hardly ever fit in. For most part, she preferred to spend her time alone in the terrace looking at the moon, counting the stars and reflecting on her life. From time and again, she had been told to change her personality, to become more outgoing, mingle with people and be like everyone else but it was much easier said than done for her.

She was bent like a bone and if someone tried to straighten her, she would only break into irrecoverable pieces. And to her, marriage was more than two people or families coming together, it was two souls joining to become one. She couldn’t do it without the feeling of real connection. Samana wasn’t expecting a Prince Charming rather she was searching for the missing piece of her jigsaw puzzle who would fit and complete her.

In her mind, she had an idealistic view of everything including marriage. She was not the one to live in the real world and always had her head up in the skies. She thought a spouse should be like a dress. It didn’t matter to her whether the dress was made out of the finest silk or had precious stones embellished on it. She didn’t care if it was the most expensive piece of cloth available or made from the perfect dye. All she wanted was a dress that would fit her just as she was, enhanced her looks, made her comfortable wearing it and protect her from dust and storm. She didn’t want to alter the dress nor did she want to alter her body.

But she wasn’t going to say any of this out loud and make a fool out of herself. After all, she knew she was being unrealistic but only couldn’t help it. As the dark rain clouds gathered up on the sky, she felt herself engulfed by its shadows trapping her within it completely. Her vision blinded once again and her hope dripped down to the ground like water droplets from her fingertips.

She decided to push her thoughts to the back of her mind and enjoy the rain in silence. She observed how the trees on either side of the road formed a canopy around her car as if they were greeting her. After a few moments the rain clouds started drifting away revealing the feeble yet glowing sun. She also noticed that they had reached home, so she immediately sprang out of the car and headed towards the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee. After all, coffee made everything better.

By Afreen Irfana.H