Rules Are Different

By Subashree Baskaran

I am told to expect the unexpected as the way of life. However, nothing could prepare me for meeting my married sister-in-law at the end of a tranquil day.

It was another one of those mundane days where I woke up, prepared all meals, did household chores, worked from home, and got earful from my mother-in-law, and finally ate and slept. Never did I think the breakthrough would come via a doorbell ringing at 1:00 am.

“Amma, Amma, where are you? Is there no one at home? Can’t anyone open the door? How could all of you sleep when I am ringing the bell for so long?”

The high-pitched voice of Kavya coupled with her crying made the situation look drearier.

“Kavya, why are you here, darling? Did something happen? What time is it now? Did you come alone? How did you come? Why did not Ashwin come with you? Is he okay?”

Her incessant crying did not stop even after my mother-in-law’s rapid-fire round. Her keeping silent did not help any better.

“Why are you silent? Could you stop crying and tell us about it? What are we to think when you come alone at night 1 all alone?”

This is from her brother, my husband, who is still stunned from not expecting her here.

“Why don’t we wait for her to calm down? These questions are only aggravating her.”

“What do you know? Do you have any idea how tensed I am that my daughter has come alone that too at night?”

“Ma, why are angry with Padma? She is only trying to calm her. Like she said, let’s wait till she stops crying.”

Seconds turned to minutes, but no stopping the dam. I realized that the biggest difficulty is not waking up abruptly at night but stopping the yawn. Bringing a glass of water, I asked “Are you better?”

“What question is this? Can’t you see she is crying? How could she be ok? My poor daughter, she has never cried like this in her entire life!”

“Ma, please stop with these acts! First ask your daughter who gave her guts to come alone at night.”

“Why! Should anyone give me bravery to come alone at night? It is my house! I can come at any time.”

The signature shouting coming from my sister-in-law showed that a storm is brewing.

“Finally, she is opening her mouth. Now tell, what is the issue?”

“What else could be issue if not your brother-in-law? What a man you have married me to! I should have gone for a love marriage. At least I would not be suffering like this.”

“Why Kavya, what happened? Did Ashwin beat you?”

“What Ashwin? He does not deserve the respect.”

“Kavya, first of all, tell the issue. Then you can scold your husband.”

“What should I say, Ma. Don’t ask me anything. I don’t want to talk about him or other people in that house. I am not going to live with him any longer. I am applying for divorce. I thought through this. I cannot live in that house.”

“What are you blabbering now, Kavya? Is this an easy decision to make?”

“Oh God! I feel giddy. Why beta, why such big words. I will speak with Ashwin. He is an understanding kid.”

“Both of you, just stop. If you ask one more word, I will leave and go stay in hotel. I have money to take care of myself!”

“Look at how she is answering! What is this rude behaviour, Ma?”

“She must be distressed. Let her rest for a while. Whatever it is let us talk in the morning.” Sneha’s nudge served to calm the storm.

“Ok, you sleep now. We will talk in morning. Vivek, better inform Ashwin that she is here.”

“Ok, Ma. You too go to sleep.”

“How will sleep da? Who knows what issue now? Do you think it is very serious? Will Kavya divorce da?”

“Ma, don’t overthink. We will discuss in the morning. I will inform leave tomorrow. I will also speak with Ashwin. Go rest. You already have sugar and BP.”

After calming Ma a bit more, a tired Vivek trudged into the bedroom and slowly closed the door. A heavy sigh escaped from his mouth.

“Ashwin was already calling your phone when Kavya was crying. I attended the call. Kavya seemed to have left in a fit of anger and he has chased her in his bike. She too seemed to have noticed him following but did not stop anywhere. After seeing her enter our house, he had called. He said he would call in the morning.”

“Ashwin is a gentleman. I wonder what issue now this drama queen is creating!”

“Don’t worry.”

A sleepless night passed for all of us. When we opened the door at 6 am as usual, I saw my mother-in-law dressed as if ready to go out.

“Don’t you know the situation of our house? Kavya did not sleep at all. How could you sleep in such a situation? Are you not worried?”

“Mam, please do not start early in the morning. Did she sleep?”

“Oh God! Kavya did not sleep a wink. She was crying all night. She told me how her in-laws tortured her. My poor daughter! She cannot live in that house da. Come let’s go and talk to Ashwin and ask for justice.”

“Ma, what are you saying now? She is young; so, she is reckless. How can you also take such a decision?”

“It is not recklessness. She really has suffered. Now have coffee and let’s go to Ashwin’s house.”

“Without telling me anything that happened, how are you asking me to come? I need to know what happened, na? What should I answer if they ask any question?”

“There is no need to answer. Either Ashwin has to live separately with Kavya or we will apply for divorce. There is nothing to discuss. Trust me, Kavya has suffered a lot.”

“How could you change in a single night? I am not leaving without knowing the ins and outs.”

“Then you stay. I am going alone. If your father had been there, he would have never let this happen.”

“You always twist my words. When did I say I won’t help? But we need to know what has happened. We cannot take a decision based on Kavya’s statement alone.”

“Why don’t you trust your sister? A girl does not lie about her sufferings.”

“Ma, this is not about lying. This is her life. We cannot take a decision based on one-sided accusation. Did you ask Ashwin about this? Did you know that Ashwin was following her all along yesterday night? Just to see whether she reached safely? Did she tell you that?”

“I did not know that. Anyways this is basic for a man to check if his wife reached safely. By the way, did you speak with Ashwin?”

“No, Ma. Sneha attended the call.”

“Who knows if Sneha is not lying?”

“Why do you always chastise her?”

“Are you both going or should I go there myself and settle the issue once for all?”

At last the protagonist joined the conversation. In the midst of all these, my routine work continued. I swept the floor, took bath, and prepared coffee. This is has nothing to with me. I have been a passive person for a long time.

“What should I do for today?”

“See, how she is asking! A volcano is erupting here, but she just wants to do her work.”

“Then, if she did not work will you keep quiet?”

“See Ma, how he is supporting Manni. My husband never speaks in support.”

“The argument is going in a different direction. Kavya, don’t start your comparisons. Sneha, do whatever you want. Now tell me what is the issue. Why do you want to divorce Ashwin? Do not want to live with him?”

“I want to live with him but not with his other family members.”

“What are you saying Kavya? You married him knowing that he is the second child and he does not want to live separately from his brother and mother. He clearly told you before marriage, didn’t he? Then what changed now?”

“Why are questioning her? The conditions before and after marriage have changed. Were they keeping their words? He came every weekend before marriage. After marriage Ashwin did not take her anywhere. What do you have to say for that?”

“Do you know what Ashwin said for that? My brother does not take his wife anywhere and so we too must not go anywhere. I have been going to only temples.”

“This is not a valid reason for divorce, Kavya.”

“No, but there are many such instances. He always asks his mother and brother before doing anything. He does not respect my wishes. He believes his sister-in-law Mathura. She is not a good person. He always listens to her.”

“Seriously Kavya! If these are the reasons, then it is ridiculous. Take us for example. Sneha and I have not gone outside after marriage because Ma said that there is an unmarried girl at home. All decisions in this house are based on Ma. Even you too have asked many things of her. If yours is wrong, then we have also exploited Sneha. Sneha has never voiced her dissatisfaction on this. Every house in our culture is like this only. Why are we talking as if this is new? Ma, you too have faced this, na? Then why are you going along with her?”

“See Ma, I told you. Even during my fights he is supporting Manni. Yours is different from mine. You got your railway job because Dad died during service. If not how do you think you would have gotten Government job? Having a government job holding husband means she is entitled to take care of her in-laws. She is enjoying safe and secure life, na?”

“So it is your duty to take care of us because we signed forfeit forms for you.”

“Ma, why is my job being discussed now? I never shied away from duties. I took loan of 30 lakhs to marry her not to get her divorced. I am paying the loan from the so-called government job I got. Why are you always nit-picking me and Sneha, Ma? Don’t support Kavya, because of your misunderstanding with Sneha.”

“See Ma, I told you! He won’t support me.”

“This is not a good decision to support. Your stupidity and selfishness will affect everyone’s life. Do you think everyone will be happy if Ashwin and you live separately? Will you be happy Ma, if I go out?”

“First let’s go to Ashwin’s house and discuss. I will change my clothes and come.”

Hardly would Vivek had completed his words, the doorbell rang, once again.

“Who is this so early?”

I opened the door to let Ashwin and his mother inside. Not knowing what to do, we were all staring at each other’s faces. The awkwardness was broken when Kavya slammed her bedroom door shut. It bought us all out of our reverie.

With remorse Ashwin called out Kavya which peeved Ma. “Please don’t call her. A woman marries into her husband’s household believing in her husband. But if that husband does not support her then she will not be respected in that house.”

“Mami, we never disrespected her. Even now we are the ones who have come to your house. Do you know how worried Ashwin was when she left home at late night? She is the one who disrespected us. Without thinking there are elders at home, she left. I and Mathura were in kitchen. She did not even inform us. Just grabbed her bag and left and Ashwin ran behind her. Still now we do not know what the issue is.”

“Only when she speaks can we understand her problem.”

“I have nothing to say. I am not coming to that house again.”

“Kavya, this is not what you can decide on your own. I have already told you before marriage that in joint family there would be sacrifices to make. But the family bond would be strong enough to face any trouble. Why are creating an issue now?”

Voice brimming with anger could be heard from the door. “Am I the one creating the issue? It is your mom and Mathura. Anyways my words don’t hold weight, why bother with me. I am applying for divorce.”

“See Mami, how she speaks when elders are there. Could you not talk sense into her? We need to know why she does not want to come there.”

“Why should she come, Ashwin’s mother? You always seem to support you elder daughter-in-law. You praise and treat her like a goddess while my daughter has to work and serve as a servant.”

“Is this what Kavya told you aunty?”

“Ashwin, I have respect for you. But I cannot budge on this. There are many things your mom and Mathura has done. Every day she has also cried to you but you never took steps, Beta.”

“What issues that I do not know Ashwin? What is going on here?”

“I will tell you Mami. Your elder daughter-in-law has teased and made fun of my daughter’s child’s death. She has said that Kavya’s natal chart does not have a boon for son. The child she was pregnant with must have been a boy and so she got a miscarriage. It has been only three months since the miscarriage. Which girl would take down the insult?”

“Plus you have not been talking to her since the incident. But you seem to favour Mathura. Kavya seems to be the one doing all household chores. You even took Kavya to doctor after the miscarriage to check everything is okay with her. ”

“No, Aunty, it is you daughter who is always depressed. How do you think I should speak to a person who lost her child? No matter how I console her loss is immeasurable. She is depressed all day long and does not want me to speak with anybody in the house. How is this possible Aunty? I too have my own share of loss. But she is exaggerating hers and making it as if we don’t care about it. This is unfair Aunty.”

“Ashwin beta, but how can you laugh with Mathura when she said such bad words regarding the child’s death.”

“Aunty, those words were said to console her. No one blamed or criticized her. She is assuming that everyone is blaming here and has been making mountain out of mole. For every small thing, she is quibbling and starting a fight. For the past three months, she has only been fighting with me. I did not want my family members to know it. But now it has become a huge problem.”

“Ashwin, stop. It is useless. Mami, I never belittled your daughter or treated her harshly. But you guys won’t trust my words now. So, you discuss whatever you want to do with Ashwin and Kavya with them. I will never interfere again. She told you everything about us. Did she say what she has been doing?”

“She is always sitting alone and crying every month the period comes. Yes, the child is gone. But life is not over. She is young and she can get pregnant again. Since she is upset she wants everyone one of us to be upset. It has been three months since people in our house laughed. We have to be very careful around her. We could not laugh even for a joke. The gone child is also our blood. We too have our sorrows. But we cannot be like her. I even said her to rest in her mother’s house for a change, which she declined.

Even going to hospital was her idea. We took Mathura to hospital for checking if she was pregnant. Kavya only said she too wanted to check with the doctor her condition whether she will get pregnant. She even cited Sneha’s condition of not being able to be pregnant after her first child as reason.

I never asked her to do household work. Ever since Mathura has been suffering from pregnancy symptoms, I have been taking care of her. Kavya did not even congratulate her. But we did not say anything. Kavya only started doing all the works on her own. I never asked her to. I am capable of managing the household. I worked multiple jobs to feed and educate my sons when my husband died. I have not so far depended on anybody. I pray God, I won’t depend in future too.

I never pointed out her mistakes, Mami. Because a family means accepting people for who they are. If you are not able to make adjustments and sacrifices, then one cannot live anywhere, Mami. If you start comparing with others, you will lose your happiness. You, me, and Sneha also have undergone the same tragedy of losing our kids. Sneha’s kid has died after full-term while ours is only miscarriage. Is your daughter-in-law making your home unhappy? How jubilantly she took care of your daughter’s marriage? Why can’t Kavya be like her?

She says she could not bear Mathura’s words. Then let me ask her how should we take her actions these days. We are not even able to celebrate Mathura’s second pregnancy because of your daughter. We were worried that she will not take it lightly. But the thing I feared happened.

Say, if I ask Mathura to apologize, will your daughter come back? You daughter does not want to live with us not because of Mathura. She does not want to stay with us because she wants to be the centre of attention which does not happen in a joint family. Your daughter has always been dominant. I have noticed that in the way she bossed around Sneha during marriage preparations. Everyone should only ask her for opinion. Nothing should go against her. If she laughs, everyone must laugh. If she cries, everyone else must cry. We are the ones who are suffering. Just because she is earning a lakh, people will not flock her. Not everyone will come for money, Mami.

Who is she to tell that she will not live with us? From this moment on let Ashwin and you people decide their life. It is useless to talk with arrogant people and even more useless to talk with people who support such arrogance. I am leaving.”

“Mom, don’t be like that.”

“No, Ashwin. I had decided on keeping you separately the moment she walked out. I thought at least her mother would be sensible enough. But it is a disappointment. Fixing a broken glass will not make it beautiful. It is better to stay within our limits. You discuss with your wife’s family and decide. I am leaving.”

“Now, what do you want to do, Kavya? I am not leaving my mother and brother. They are the reason I am in this status.”

“Then, let’s meet in court, Ashwin.”

“Nobody can change you. Do whatever you want to. Even now you have not come out. Don’t talk about respect when you don’t give it to others.”

“Are you happy, Ma? No son’s side of family comes down to discussion and you guys spoiled it. What are you going to do?”

“Kavya, come out. This is unfair to divorce just for those words. If you don’t like here, then don’t talk to her.”

“No, divorce won’t spoil my life.”

“Then what are your plans?”

“Prior to divorce, the couple needs to live separately. I am counting on that. I will change Ashwin. I will get pregnant once I come out of that hell. I am depressed there. We will live happily, Vivek. Trust me.”

“Ma, what is this. Do you agree with her?”

“What is wrong da?”

“Ma, how can you be like this? Everything is wrong. Her notion is wrong. But you are supporting here. We have suffered worst under father. Nothing could be worse than suffering the blows of a drunkard and depressed man! We have faced those! But she is taking this small thing and doing stupid thing. And you are going along with her? Do not lead her to a wrong path, Ma.”

“Every family has a problem. Are you not scolding Sneha despite her working very hard. What will happen if she decides to do the same?”

“Sneha and Kavya are different. Kavya is earning 1 lakh while Sneha earns only 20,000, which is less than my pension. How do you expect a high-earning woman to work at home? Won’t she be tired? Also, Sneha’s kid died within days of being born and it has been five years since then. She is yet to be pregnant. But that is not Kavya’s case. Kavya’s health and body is like me. She will be expecting within few months.

“Why did you lose your thinking, Ma? Despite knowing the wrongness, you are standing by her? For what? For her money? You know what? Ashwin’s mother is correct. No one can change both of you. Do whatever you want. Only when you suffer, you will understand.”

Just as Kavya calculated, the court ordered Ashwin and Kavya to live separately.

In another one of those so-called tranquil days, the doorbell rang, once again.

“Hello! This is India Post. There is a post for Mr. Vivek.”

“Who is it from?,” came Kavya’s brother’s voice.

“It seems to be from a law office, Mam. I am unsure. Please sign it.”

“What could it be now, Oh God!?”

“Nothing else, Ma. Don’t worry. These must be court procedure documents asking us to live separately. These must be the required forms, Ma.”

“Thank you, sir. Please give it.”

“But Kavya, why is it addressed to your brother. Better open it and see.”

“See Ma! I told you. It is just court procedure documents. Don’t worry, Ma. Everything is resolved. I will begin a new life next month once I go to the new house.”

“Yes, darling. You have suffered a lot. You will be happy now that you are going to live separately. Thank God. My daughter escaped that hell.”

“Can both of you shut up? This is a divorce agreement, but not yours alright.”

“Then whose is it?”

Sneha was observing all these with her always nonchalant face. Vivek just stared at her dejectedly, “Why Sneha?”

“Because the rules have been different for me and your sister. Not anymore. We too shall meet in court.”

With her luggage packed, Sneha walked away, as a she-lion. A smile crept from the corner of her mouth, after a long period.

By Subashree Baskaran