Rose-Tinted Glasses

By Tiruvarur Vikram

Everything is a distraction in life. The ultimate truth that we can all believe in is death. We live until we die. Finding a purpose to live for is merely ignorance from reality and ignorance surely is bliss. I was in blissful state, cut away from all human emotions, living life day to day and ignorant to the mundane human chores. I was surviving, just another biological life form in a world which I understood too well. I saw the world as a sequence of events and anticipating the outcome of events helped me with rational judgement which negated the influence of emotions. Emotions are merely chemical reactions and they can be altered, I felt nothing for a very long time, nothing at all and that emptiness made me feel closer to the ultimate truth. The search for the ultimate truth had me consumed until of course I met her and I asked myself, What if?

The most powerful of all chemical reactions has hit me. My biological body is too weak and my mind weaker to comprehend and act rationally. I got dragged in and there was nothing I could do to fight it. I have fallen for a woman. I cannot quite pin point what it is about her that has brought about such a drastic change in my thought process, maybe it is her voice or her eyes or the way that she lies but whatever it is, I stood no chance. My nihilistic defense mechanisms which have guarded me like a fortified castle over the years got blown away like paper in a cyclone of chemical reactions that hit me. I feel human now and the only truth that I am after is if she feels the same way about me. My mind is a mess, it is all over the place but I like this mess. There is no pragmatism or rationality, I cannot foresee the outcomes anymore, in a way I feel extremely vulnerable but vulnerability is not new to me. I have felt vulnerable before when I realized I was a part of something way bigger while being in a jungle surrounded by nothing but nature unhindered by humans.  That feeling hits me time and again and I enjoy that but to feel vulnerable because of a human is something I have not felt in a really long time. 

I see no imperfections when I see her. I see through her physical form and feel connected to her on a far deeper plane of understanding. I felt alive when she was next to me. Living seemed to have a purpose. Her every word was like a shot of serotonin and every other feel-good hormone injected straight to my heart. Time stopped when I when I was with her. But wait, time does not exist, what is going on here? Oh damn, looks like someone put these Rose-Tinted Glasses on me. No wonder my vision was blurred. I think it’s about time I remove it. 

Nah, they look good on me. 

By Tiruvarur Vikram