Plasma

By Niharika Goswami

Zubir wanted to lift up the curtain, as sunrays lazily seeped through it alarming him it's morning already. The dressing mirror in front of him reflected his sweat covered temples, he didn’t get any sleep last night. Autumn had a fairly sweet morning today, gentle and moist, breezy and lukewarm, but the reflected face indicated otherwise, condemned. The unsettling feeling from yesterday was still there closing the gap between his restraints and unfurling desires, if not desires, he was too aghast to name it something else.

“You rubbed it on me, the shackles I used to hate so much, your guts…. Your.. your undeniably deniable eyes, who seemed so refined, so tepid now look like warm clouds of spring. I don’t understand indeed, But I want to understand, no I have to….”

Zubir swiftly waved those thoughts away, at least tried to. He tried to get up from the bed but froze almost immediately. His wrist… a soft palm was holding it so tightly as if letting it go would burn apart the thread, the person had been holding onto for dear life. She….

Ria, she was sound asleep. Her contours void of any strain rather selfishly placid, had no sign of those weird outbursts from the night before. Shackles… she said. So why is she so still, tight asleep fearing nothing… isn’t she locking herself up right now, to me? Countless bizarre thoughts encircled his brain, the more he thought the more he drowned, his temples finally gave up. It hurt. I have to get up.

After hesitating for a few seconds, Zubir carefully unbound himself from her grasp. Her fingers subconsciously chased after the lingering warmth of his palm for a moment under the sheet. He slowly got up and hurried his way to the washroom. He left the curtains as it was, trying not to wake her up by the slightest hindrance.

The shower was adamently cold but it did its job anyway, head slowly clearing up a bit. His eyes darted to his own hand, there was the thumb ring, blue and silver in contrast to each other. He stared at it for a while…. His expression was one, people couldn’t guess the slightest. Nothing happened last night… He sighed and thumped his forehead on the unblemished wall of the bathroom, mumbling to himself.

( Five years ago )

Five days before the incident that altered everything…..

There were a few bruises, no… not a few, quite a lot if anyone searched her slender figure from a closer proximity. Zubir dared not. This person standing before him, limping against the wooden door of the police station, reeked of….sorrow. The same face he once encountered, might be twice or more in the moonlight, from a distance apart, those carefree laughs and rogue tainted lips with a bunch of other friendly faces who he couldn’t care less about was undoubtedly dazzling to the point of being surreal for a fellow living by hand to mouth. And after three years, Zubir’s not very discerning eyes could still recall that very elegance she wielded once effortlessly. His eyes twitched, hand itched so much to caress those blacken wounds overlapping her dimples. Some of them were old scars, some were implanted anew. Ria or precisely Mrs. Ria Benarjee, was here holding her baby bump to file a report against her husband, who had been the reason for those disfigured dimples and bruises earlier. Eyes lowered she said, “Officer… help me. If I can’t get rid of him this time, he will get rid of me and my unborn child for real sooner or later, so help me.” The smile had already left her eyes.

Mr. Benarjee who owned a pawnshop, bestowed down by his ancestors denied everything and rendered his wife to be fuzzy at head, therefore inflicting those injuries upon herself and blaming his innocent self.

Hah… what a filthy accusation. Zubir had to grit his teeth and swallow his hatred towards the man for the sake of the khaki he was wearing. Such dog of a person, how in the world did Ria end up with such a man, he wondered. The police couldn’t arrest him, short on evidence.

He watched her entering the police station, huffing and sweating by the restroom, she was frowning. The weight in her belly was already heavier to bear. He saw her caressing the unborn infant, eyes slightly glistening through the gloomy clouds of desperation and pain, humming softly….. “ Oh dear baby…. Oh my baby…. I’ll sing you.. a lullaby…. Oh my baby… nghh… I’ll sing you….” The tears spilled down like spring water scratching silently at Zubir’s heart. The more he stared the more he got drawn in by the sight. His heart raced. All he wanted was to pause the present and live in that stupor forever, to grab and embrace her whole being and dissolve it into himself.

Those were just fleeting thoughts. He wanted it to be. But when he arrived at that place she called home once at midnight, surging through the ominous downpour… he saw her sitting quietly on the couch in the main hall motionless, enveloped by the ghostly darkness. One couldn’t ascertain if she was breathing or not from this distance. The lightning of that stormy night flashed across her pale face a few times. She was breathing.

“Mrs. Ria….” He called her and suddenly stumbled upon something on the floor. A chill sprawled across his spine, involuntarily making him shake. A body was lying frozen just beneath him and he was stomping on one of it’s hand. He hastily withdrew his foot and flashed his mobile torchlight on its face. Mr. Benarjee! Blood was gushing out from the wound in his head. A broken wine glass was tainted with this crimson fluid. Perhaps normally a dead body reeking of blood wouldn’t scare a third class police officer at all, but this situation ought to be a nightmare. He stomped passed the bloody scene and shook her a few times, howling her name again and again. After a few calling, when his voice turned a bit hoarse, she finally started sobbing, mumbling… “I didn’t kill him…. I-I didn’t….kill him. I didn’t…” The blood splattered on her face too, might be when…she hit his head.

She kept screaming denying that she didn’t kill him. Her face was haggard and many new wounds were added to it. Zubir’s heart throbbed, as a certain fear and despair loomed upon him. He swiftly hauled her into his arms and whispered, “It’s okay… I believe you. You didn’t kill him.” He repeated this to her and to himself. The fleeting feeling of fascination turned into a burning lava, fuming at its peak. She screeched and he clutched at her desperately.

The storm outside didn’t diminish at all instead was raging beyond bounds. He coaxed her into the bedroom and returned to the bloody scene. Much to his shock, the body before him twitched a little and a faint groaning sound penetrated his ears ...What? Wasn’t he dead?? He thought. He stared at his bloody head a bit, which was moving slightly. Will he survive if I take him to a hospital right this instant? He stood there, stiff. ….but he shouldn’t. In a spur of the moment, Zubir vehemently trampled on his grisly head as more blood splattered across the floor, dirtying his boots red all over. He crushed it until the movement stopped completely. He is dead…. Zubir gasped as he squatted down on the couch rubbing his face ferociously. Mr. Benarjee was still recognizable…. but not alive anymore. He dialed some numbers in his cell phone. After hanging up, he sluggishly walked into the raging storm as the pouring rain washed away the gore from his cold feet…..

At the courtroom, Ria was set free of her guilt, as she was too a victim and the following course of events was her confronting her violent husband, which led to his death. As the officer in charge of this case, Zubir took care of the remaining legal issues while none of them mentioned this event again as a month passed in a blink.

Ria still sang that lullaby while caressing her fully flaunt belly, as the wounds on her face started to heal by degrees as well as those dimples appeared often whenever she talked about the future and her…. baby. She was finally smiling. She is healing, moving on, she’s happy….. she doesn’t need to know that I…. Zubir averted his series of thoughts as he carefully held her shoulders and led her downstairs of the downtown hospital for a last minute check up, since her delivery date was narrowing. They were chit chatting. “You know, I thought I’ll never be able to smile again. But now that this little angel is coming, I have to gear up and live my life without regrets, right?” She smiled, “When he comes out, I will hold his hand an—” A thud. Zubir miserably tried to grasp her bending body before any misfortune prevail upon her. But they say if fate chooses you once, no matter for better or worse, reward or forfeit, you can’t alter it anymore. That’s how it was. Ria and Zubir’s lives were entwined together like a spider web, sorrow descended in guise of wrath and smashed everything they tried to build. There was no ‘however’.

She lost her tears once, now twice. She was losing her mind. The wrath prevailed over her liveliness, draining the light from her soul. The lost infant brought her that tragedy she might never once expected in her nightmares. These shackles… the harder they tried to shake them off, the mightier it became, clasping at their throats aggressively. Zubir brought her home, since she had nowhere else to go anymore. He also would not want another peril by leaving Ria on her own. People whispered among themselves, a shameless pair of man and woman fooling around in guise of generosity in broad daylight. Zubir glanced at those bickering, noisy mouths but decided to turn a blind eye, since it didn’t matter. I will hold onto you from now on. You can’t leave me. If you walk into the abyss, I’ll go along. If you peril I’ll peril with you….. if you live, I’ll live with you.

Five years later….

Zubir was a renowned senior officer at the official homicide investigation unit. He had fame and money. The underlings liked to follow his steps and admired him. And Ria…. she was there too, by his side, as he wished five years ago.

These five years, as spring turned to autumn, autumn turned to winter and spring returned once again, they tried to sustain a summer between each other, although there’d be always some permafrost here and there, which surfaced time to time. Zubir still didn’t know what that sapphire in his thumb ring meant, which was given by Ria one year ago. She had had this ring with her all the time perhaps, since she never went out of their home. But he never saw it. He tried to read her, zoom into her mind to see if there was any image of himself in her eyes, in her heart…. but he eventually gave up, since all she had was…. nothingness. She… does she ever see me? Can’t she look at me the way I look at her…. What more do I have to do, what should I do…. It’s been five years….

These questions never condensed any answers. The last night, Ria had a nightmare… she was screaming, jolting in her sleep. She wouldn’t wake up no matter how much Zubir attempted to wake her up. This had happened since last year. He remembered putting on a shackle on her once, since she had stabbed their pet kitten few months ago. Those stabs were so vicious, that reminded Zubir of something he never wanted to recall. She would even stab at the fishes he bought to cook. Zubir was scared, scared that Ria was going astray. Even through the weirdest scenarios, her eyes remained as calm as a river, but there was still…. an emptiness he couldn’t read. She did smile, but they were not long lasting. Ria… was changing, into a different person, Zubir winced.

She said…she wants to understand me. My eyes? Doesn’t she already know what’s in my heart? Zubir gazed at Ria. She already woke up and came out of the shower. She saw him staring and returned a soft smile. Her dimples were still fascinating, his bones still fluttered. He strode through the corridor and cuddled her into a tight hug. The towel she was using to dry her wet locks of hair fell down. She seemed surprised but said nothing as she stroked his back up and down with her forefinger. Her touch was feather light, fleeting.. like so one could melt into it. Zubir was happy. He was afraid… but more than happy. She is touching me…. She is happy, right…..

“Sir, you look happy.” A young man smirked at Zubir as he asked. Zubir just laughed and picked up his cup to finish the remaining bit of hot cocoa. The man stared at his hand“ Sir... are you engaged? What’s with this ring?” He exclaimed, “This ring looks antique. Where did you get this? Did you really marry a wife!?”

Zubir took a look at his own ring and said, “Of course not! Who wears an engagement ring on a thumb? Are you dumb? He flicked the thumb on the young one’s forehead. “But yeah… it’s gifted by a special person. That person is as radiant as this blue sapphire.”

The man furrowed his brows, “What are you saying sir? It’s re—” Zubir cut him off and said, “Abhinav, I asked you yesterday to find some good psychiatrists around the state. Did you search?” Abhinav scratched the back of his head and said, “Yes sir. There are some good hospitals. Their asylums are adaptable and has much more facilities than before too. But Sir… what do you need it for?”

The sky was getting darker and stormy clouds were gathering, what appeared to be a massive boulder crushing the earth in no time.

I should hurry home. She must be waiting. As a smile bloomed in his lips, Zubir hurriedly stepped towards home, where the love of his life was awaiting his return….

The door was not locked. As he stepped inside, he couldn’t discern a single thing. What happened? Why is it so dark? He stepped towards the switched board and crawled out his hand on the adjacent wall to search for it, but only felt a mess of wires and plates. The switched board is…. broken!? There was an abrupt noise coming from the nearby room and a thunderous lightening erupted synchronously, beckoning the rise of a tempest. Zubir’s heart was hammering in his ears…. He was familiar with such a night and the following tempest.

“You’re home?” A cold voice rang out from behind as the sound of closing the door is heard at the same time.

“Ria?”

“Doesn’t it feel familiar to you? Do you remember? That night.”

Zubir gulped. He could hear his own pulse thrumming against his veins right now. He said as he tried to calm down,

“Let’s calm down first. We can sit and talk this out. Can’t you?”

“I’m pretty calm.” She scoffed, “But… are you?”

Zubir kept silent.

“I like this darkness. Lights hurt my eyes. If you want to chat, let’s chat then.” Ria tugged a chair across the hall and sat down, one leg on top of the other She gestured Zubir to take a seat too.

“Be comfortable. It’s your house.” She folded her arms and sat face to face with him, a few inches apart. He still couldn’t see her expressions.

“Ria, what happened? Tell me.” Zubir pleaded, as he extended a hand out to touch her face, but she roughly slapped it away.

“Do you know what color my eye is? You like me, love me, take care of me as you wish…. But do you know, what my eye color is? “ She demanded.

No answer. Sweat was dripping wet from his chin as he hold his breath and pursed his lips in a frenzy.

“It’s red.” She enunciated each word through gritted teeth, “And you’re…. colorblind.”

Zubir’s heart was almost at his throat right now as he murmured something illegibly…. “H-How did you…”

“Why? You’re shocked?” She smirked. “That sapphire too… I mean the stone, it’s red too. Just like the color of my eyes.” She laughed, “ Isn’t it hilarious? How we’re facing each other at this moment and revealing each other’s secrets… truly mesmerizing.”

Zubir stared at the figure before him in the dark… he finally realized… she is not the Ria, I fell in love with.

“You must be thinking, I’m not me. Not the Ria, you like… but a demoness, no? Well… you’re right and quite not. I am still me. I always was. Your eyesight was too poor to discern this villain in time. Don’t blame me. The storm was intensifying outside, as more thunders rang across the boundless sky. She was never this talkative before as he remembered. He was afraid, yet… he still wanted back his Ria. They needed to talk this through tonight!

Ria sighed and continued, “I was born with a rare iris, which many people find ominous. Since my mother died early, and we’re poor enough to sell ourselves, so my father put me up on an… auction. Because of my rare red eyes, people viewed me as some kind of fascinating entity who escaped from a zoo. Then I got sold off… Father got the wealth and I was sent away to a pawnshop owner, who was literally my owner too. After several years of torment and abuse, the son couldn’t help his lust over me and made me his wife. Huh.. well, you know the rest. Mr. Benarjee that you killed, you remember right?”

Zubir already felt lightheaded. As this shock came at him all at once, he jolted awake from his trance, “You were…. aware?”

Ria mocked, “Did you actually take me for a fool? I was impressed to be honest, at that time. I went to report that bastard to have some compensation money for myself and then scram off. But who had thought that we’d meet there… quite a coincidence. On top of that… you did nothing to hide your feelings. I only needed to take one look at you to grasp your tail. Those eyes are pretty honest. Even right now, you’re looking at me as if there’s still a way to turn back, be nice and move on… you’re a piece of art, indeed.”

“That night, I set the trap. It was just a way to test your sincerity. Well… you didn’t disappoint me. You finished the work for me and I got a chance to regain a life I never expected. I was fond of you. But there was one issue. The infant.”

Zubir felt a shiver all over his body, as his whole back drenched in cold sweat, he gazed at her through the darkness.

“Oho! Don’t look at me like that. I never wanted a child, especially from a lecherous one like him. I detested it. But I had to act it out, to pull at your heartstrings. You pitied me, even admired me. No body has ever looked at me with that gaze you know, so yeah. I needn’t a burden anymore, you were enough. I even had to make a lullaby on my own.. ah huh..”

“Don’t tell me…you—” Zubir raised his voice but got cut off, “ Oh! You guessed it? You’re smart indeed. That’s right. I tripped on my own. Fortunately there was not too much casualties and I survived. I had to choose myself and you of course. No one else mattered.” She clicked her tongue and looked at him, “…. Even then you believed everything. That’s what I liked about you, Zubir.” A shudder passed through him as he lowered his head, his head started to spin….

“That was all fine. You passed my every test. You can’t imagine how fond I was of you. But you…. lied to me.” Ria hissed, pulling at her own hair, “You lied. That’s right. If you could see it with your eyes, the red eyes, you would never love me. You would also slander me with numerous stains…. You’d hate me too. Right… Do you know? That ring, it was my mother’s one and only dowry which I retrieved from my dead father, whom I killed years ago, then it fell into the hands of that pawnshop owner and… and.. I only got it back after we killed that bastard. Yes. I gave it to you. It was my one and only treasure….. but you! You betrayed me! You deceived me.” Ria was screeching right now, at the top of her lungs, eyes red as she plunged at Zubir and straddled him with both hands, “Asylum… Why do you want to send me to those asylums? Huh? Why? Don’t you love me anymore? You’re leaving me? Why why why!!!!??

Now that Zubir saw her eyes from this close, those eyes brimming with tears…. were desperate. He still didn’t know what color they were, but they’re hostile and….. pitiful. He coughed and struggled against her hands, but even as cop, he couldn’t master up the courage to shake her off….hurting her was never an option… he couldn’t do it. No.

Ria burst out laughing, “Why are you still pretending? You can’t shake me off? Don’t make me laugh. Fight!!”

Zubir stayed still, deafen by all the noises around him. Riya freed her hands and grabbed the back of his nape with as much force as she can apply. She closed in and whispered hoarsely in his right ear, “Why are you still pretending…huh? You smashed him to his death. You’re no saint, Mr. Zubir. Do you think you can get by as you see fit? No…. The evidence, the bloodied boots you discarded, the footage I recorded, everything….is emailed to your colleagues. They must be running through the storm right now to reach here….just like you did, back then.” She let him go and cunningly pulled out his gun from his waist.

Zubir saw Ria, the woman he loved pointing the gun at his chest. He heaved a restrained sob as he quietly kneeled down before her…as if at her mercy. He didn’t intend to dodge at all. He was ready to be ravaged by a thousand bullets but didn’t utter a single word. Slowly turning his head up at Ria he said, “Go ahead… I can’t stop you anyway… I only regret that this was the only lengthy conversation we have ever had…” His breath was hitching, “ But Ria… I never betrayed you.. I never once thought of it like that. You have suffered. I still lov—” His words didn’t get to finish…. The trigger was pulled and warm blood spilled at a moderate rate… as the man kneeling, slowly leaned sideways and fell into his own pool of blood. Zubir’s eyes were still staring at the standing figure who just shot at him. His vision was blurring…. Ria was shaking slightly as she too knelt down and lied sideways, facing him, staring at those dying eyes which were still wide open. She extended her left palm and caressed his face, “Your eyes are… a whirlpool, they still see through me…” She leaned in closer and nudged at him, shutting her eyes she murmured, “O-Oh my baby…. Oh dear baby….. I’ll…. I’ll sing you a lullaby…”

Sound of footsteps echoing through the hall could be heard as Ria pulled the trigger leisurely and a loud bang synced with the simultaneous thunders. Her singing stopped.

As the cops arrived, they only witnessed the two dead bodies gone cold, lying face to face in their own pool of blood.

By Niharika Goswami