Perhaps It Is Me

By Aarayna Sambyal

with all the courage i can muster

i block every single one of them

my friends, and him- the only ones who truly love me

but what does it matter for,

when I’m destroying them mentally?

i forget everything they do for me

make myself the victim

i think upon how difficult my life has been but don’t think about how difficult i’m

making everything for them

they tell me they love me, they don’t want to leave me

but what if I’m ruining them?

i can’t be happy for them

because i lost my own charm 

i get mad too often

but oh well, how can i not be?

i guess i really am my father’s reflection after all

and when they hug me tight and promise to be there for me,

i wonder how can someone ever love a pathetic human so endlessly?

i cry and i cry wanting to do nothing with anyone 

but deep down the little girl inside of me wonders what went wrong 

is it my fault for being too damaged that I blame it on others for not being able

to fix me?

but what can they do when the glue keeps finishing and yet the broken parts

cannot become stable?

what do i do if everyone who loves me keeps getting hurt?

By Aarayna Sambyal