Paris In The Rain

By Aysha Assan

"I find peace in the rain"

"huh?"

"You asked me once, where do you find peace? I find peace in the rain. the rain, the moon, the stars, the sky." closing his eyes shut, face towards the sky, rain water flowing down his face like a stream in a valley. 

I watched him for a bit, soaking in what he just said and he did look peaceful like that. He looked very calm and ...free actually.

"I find peace in you" he said just as I was about to look away, his eyes open still facing upward.

I froze. He was now facing me.

"I don't feel like I usually do with you. I feel calm and at ease with you. Some days, well most days I feel like I should just drown myself in the rain, or jump off the mountain when I'm hiking. Every time I go skydiving I think of cutting off the parachutes, when I'm around a fire pit, I think of jumping in. But now when I see you, I want to dance the night away with you in the rain. you made me realize the view from the mountains makes the climb worth it. you made me want to hold your hand while jumping off the plane, you make me feel warm inside even when it's freezing cold outside. you make me feel like a child again. a happy one."

I still couldn't process what was happening, "I- um"

He looked as surprised as I was. He looked like he didn't mean to say that out loud.

He shook his head. "I, uh I didn't mean to make you feel awkward, it just- it just came out. I'm sorry. Can we just pretend that didn't happen? yeah never mind"

I slowly walked toward him. He was facing away from me, looking up, rainwater was dripping down his face as if it was tears, or was it?

I slowly turned him around by grabbing his arm, putting his hand on my waist, and mine above his shoulders. 

"What are you doing?" he looked confused. "Dancing the night away with you" I smiled looking up at him.

He had a faint smile on his face. I rested the side of my face on his chest and we swayed slightly from side to side for a while. I could hear his heartbeat, it was fast, as if he was nervous or scared.

"I'm in love with you"

We stopped for a moment. I felt like the rain had stopped falling mid-air. I can't have misheard it. It was too clear and I could hear his heartbeat slowly getting faster with each second. I looked up at him, he was staring down at me.

"Why? Why can't we just be the guy and girl we were on the first day? Why does it have to be complicated? Why would you do that?" I ask desperately.

"Because I love you, I'm in love with you. And I can't deny it any longer, I don't care if we are strangers who have completely different lives and will be leaving this place in a week and we don't even know each other's real names but I need you in my life. I'll always need you. I just know that I'd rather live with knowing that I took the chance even if it wasn't worth it than living my entire life in regret thinking what or how it could have been."

We stood like that for a while. I couldn't move or say anything. I felt an ache in my stomach like something heavy was hanging inside me. I was looking at his eyes and I saw tears in them. Suddenly the thing inside me dropped hard.

I tried to open my mouth to say something even though I didn't know what I was going to say,

"Poe, I-"

"No. Don't." 

He covered my mouth with one hand, the other still on my waist. He shook his head slightly looking in my eyes. He leaned closer to my face, kissed the back of his hand that was placed on my lips. 

"I'm sorry, but I love you. That doesn't make you owe me anything. You don't have to love me. You don't have to comfort me." 

I saw his eyes moving away from me, his hand was not on my waist, he turned around then started walking away in the hotel's direction.

I suddenly felt hundreds of raindrops hitting me on my skin. I had forgotten it was raining. I stood there for a minute or two still not completely aware of what happened, staring into the darkness in the rain. 

By Aysha Assan