Outdoors
By M. Balasubramaniam
The lights are out, curtains closed.
The darkness cocooning me close.
Silence inviting me to a long sleep,
behind the safety of closed doors.
As I lie down, curled beneath the sheets,
Curiosity barged in, knocking hard.
“What’s the outside like?”, I wondered.
On that impulse, my neurons charred.
In the dark, I could be vulnerable.
No one could rain down judgement on me.
No censoring eyes, watching me fail.
I was safe, because no one could see.
The angel in my head popped out and said,
“You are alone, surrounded by none.
Don’t bar your thoughts, there is still time.
Give me free reign, before the rising of the sun.”
The light gave me no opportunities
and its accusing glare is sour.
Going out in broad daylight
was not in my options for sure.
I thought that the time was now.
I should try something new.
Nobody would see me and
I won’t get another chance too.
The night gave me might.
Its isolation, a guarantee.
I opened the curtains wide
and laid myself bare, feeling free.
Suddenly, a light flickered,
threw me off, made it dizzy.
I ducked and closed the curtains,
unwilling to let the world see.
I reminded not to go out again.
I was a creature of the dark night.
This closed-off room is a mother’s womb.
I didn’t need to face the light.
But, as things went quiet,
My brain started its sick game.
With guilt and thrill of doing wrong,
I prepared myself to repeat the same.
But this time, I took caution.
I opened the curtains, just a little wide.
After checking for intruders in my line of sight,
with a bursting heart, I came outside.
The world outside was so large,
the people far away, running around.
I felt a huge relief, sitting on the sill.
Just a spectator, far away from the sound.
I went back to my dark sleep.
I lay content and satisfied.
It wasn’t that bad of an adventure
and my curiosity was pacified.
As I wake up to another day,
I withdraw into my shell, in pain.
Yet in my heart, I held a wish,
to lay myself bare and come outside again.
By M. Balasubramaniam
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