On Raising a Child

By Asmita kar

If you ever feel, 

That you won’t be able to be there for them,

When they need you- emotionally, physically, spiritually, 

Don’t raise him or her. 

If you ever feel, 

That what you are bringing in this world,

Is just a body, and not a soul,

Don’t raise him or her. 

If you ever feel, 

That you won’t be able to provide enough, 

Just enough for them to be happy,

Don’t raise him or her. 

If you ever feel, 

That you are watering a flower, 

Not because you love it, but because it is fragrant,

Don’t raise him or her. 

If you ever feel,

That he or she, is not a bundle of joy, 

But circus lion to be tamed,

Don’t raise him or her. 

If you ever feel, 

That it is not a living human being,

But a punching bag- to let out your anger, your inherent traumas,

Don’t raise him or her. 

If you ever feel, 

That you cannot show up, 

For the annual program he so wanted for you to,

Or that, your smile cannot light up her world,

When she shows you the new drawing she made,

Don’t raise him or her. 

If you ever feel, 

That you are too busy, 

To love them, to attend to them,

To listen to whatever they are saying, 

If you are busy enough not to try to understand them, 

Don’t raise him or her. 

If you ever feel, 

That you cannot,

Respect their dignity, their boundaries,

All the while loving them as your child,

Don’t raise him or her. 

If you ever feel,

You cannot,

Compliment them for the simplest achievements,

And forgive them on their gravest mistakes,

All the while, helping them to correct and grow better,

Don’t raise him or her. 

If you ever feel,

That your child cannot talk to you over dinner table,

About how his or her day was,

That he or she,

Can’t talk to you about what they love and why they love it,

With the sheer twinkle of excitement in their eyes,

Just because what’s important to them…isn’t important enough,

Or productive enough, for you,

Don’t raise him or her. 

If you ever feel, 

That whatever you are doing for them,

Is a payback deal,

That they are no different from your bank accounts,

With return interest rates,

Don’t raise him or her. 

If you ever feel,

That just because you have loved them enough,

Which you should do anyway,

They should accept you as their master, and not their guiding light,

Don’t raise him or her. 

If you ever feel,

That family matters don’t affect a child at all,

That the family should take care of its future adults,

If it never occurs to you, 

That children aren’t the direct collateral damage, 

Of any kind of broken environment,

Don’t raise him or her. 

If you ever feel, 

That you can’t raise them good enough,

To be strong, and for that strength to not come for unnecessary traumas,

To be fiercely independent, yet, make them believe that they can rely on you,

To be loving, and at the same time, have the confidence to have that love reciprocated,

At least from you, 

Don’t raise him or her. 

If you ever feel, 

That your child won’t be your greatest contribution to the humankind,

Don’t raise him or her. 

But most importantly, 

If you ever feel,

That you are raising anything else other than a child,

Don’t raise him or her. 

By Asmita kar