Nothingness

By Lavika Sachdeva

It may be my wings, but the wind is yours, My actions might be crass, but my intentions are pure,

I lived my life in darkness that I had grown to admire, When the trend of the moment was to enter the light obscure.

It was only in you I found compassion for my shadows,

While they let me believe it was an illness without a cure.

I chose to crawl through life even when I knew how to run,

I preferred to be a loser no matter how many battles I had won.

Why celebrate small successes when my existence had failed?

It was no use to gather knives to bring to a war with blazing guns.

It was only you who made me cherish my unwillingness to fight,

While all the chatter in the town said my story was done.

I whispered in my own ears although my lungs could shout,

Walked away from every drop of water even in a drought,

Luxury is hard for me to claim but the plight feels all mine,

Comfort is of no use when inside I nurtured violent doubts.

It was only in your knowledge I found the satisfaction of being numb, While the critics found novel ways to put me down throughout.

I lived to die in peace when I knew how to absolve in pleasure,

The lengths I had gone to isolate myself had grown hard to measure,

With no desire to float in the immense, I seeked to drown,

Now I let your grace encircle me and let me renounce all leisure,

Because it’s only your enigma that made me proud to be a fool,

When all the rules of society forced me to epitomize the clever.

It may be my centre, but the perimeter is yours,

Be the witness and be my guide as I cease to endure,

The longing to fade away is all that has kept me going,

It was lifetimes ago when lustful desires had got me bored.

It’s only your nothingness that has excited me after eons,

Until now my soul was traveling lifeless and never matured.

By Lavika Sachdeva