No one calls her Rads
Updated: Dec 2, 2022
By Manjori Sanyal
No one called her Rads…
There wasn’t a thing cool about her...
She would simply sit on the last row and smile...
Maybe, with anticipation that someone would look her way...
That someone may talk to her about something more...
More than just...
Come here...
Sit here...
Do this...
Don’t do this...!!!
It was never...
Oh, wow! So beautiful...
Or...
Listen na Rads, I got to tell you this...
Engage her in a conversation..
Maybe about a new pencil box...
A new pair of shoes...
A colourful hair tie...
Anything at all...
Maybe even about a butterfly in the playground...
She just smiled and looked too welcoming...
Ok... yes...
Maybe she was small...
Too small at birth…
Maybe premature...
Probably...
She spent a few long, cold nights alone in those glass boxes after she was born...
With wires, tubes and other scary stuff on her...
Monitored for life or death..
But she’s alive now. .
Just needs to start living maybe!
Maybe she did smell of stale clothes...
Maybe her hair wasn’t washed recently...
But it was tied neatly....
She couldn’t have tied it alone...
Must be someone did care at home...
After all...
It didn’t seem all too bad!
Maybe, they were simply poor...
Like, seriously not having money for stuff...
Or maybe they didn’t want a girl child?
Her clothes are huge...
A uniform that can be used for many years from now...
Her smile!
After a point it’s honestly not welcoming..
It’s just a smile...
Not an expression of anything happy...
It’s probably just the size of her teeth..
Or maybe her facial muscles are formed like that?
Like to always smile...
Could be serious hard work...
To simply just keep that smile on....
But for her...
It seems so natural...
Maybe she sleeps, smilingly too...
Can’t blame her classmates..
They too are just five...
And about forty of them...
Working their tricks to grab the teacher’s attention...
They play...
Sometimes make fun of her...
She smiles...
Not because they did something or didn’t...
She just has a smile!
She could retaliate?
She could cry?
Complain?
Say something to fix things...
Maybe she could listen a little...
Maybe her teachers are trying too...
But her parents?
They must be trying too...
But her notes?
There’s just so much she could have written..
Just copied it from the board?
From her classmates?
Does everything have to make sense?
She does talk...
She asks..
She likes to know...
Way too rarely...
But it does happen...
She follows her favourite teacher too...
Into the meetings...
Into the staff room...
Into other classes...
She plays with her saree...
Wipes her phone...
Draws pictures for her...
Smiles and admires her...
Holds her finger whenever she sits next to her...
She smiles....
With lots of enthusiasm when her favourite teacher comes...
She searches for her if she’s busy somewhere else...
Rads is a little different with her..
Marginal though...
Just very ... very little...
Rads...
Tiny... little five year old...
Got to make her dance sometime soon...
Wonder which music she’ll love?
She said there was a baby...
She probably meant that she’s an elder sister now...
But on asking more questions...
She only smiled...
Picked up a different colour and continued making tiny little huts...
She has an exam in two week’s time...
The school’s got rules...
Parents need marks...
They think it’s the school’s job...
The school struggles with Rads!
Her smile!
It’s like a wall...
Can’t reach her when it’s so fake...
So...
So unimportant...
So absurd!
She could talk a little more...
Was she abused?
Was something bothering her...
And she can’t explain...
Too many huts!
What’s that all about?
Who are they for?
All different colours...
Same size...
Different day...
Same art....
She was told to draw a fish...
Just the other day…
She drew a fish...
As tiny as a dot...
Wrote fish under it...
Copied that from under the fish in her book...
Then....
Within seconds...
Had huts all over...
Huts with fish?
Why?
How?
When asked…
Yes,
She smiled!
When asked again…
She looked at them…
‘Thought, will get an answer…
Was so looking forward to it…
But she…
She…
Smiled and got back to drawing more huts.
‘Had asked her nothing rudely…
Was curious…
Had smiled too…
Was genuinely interested to know her thoughts…
But if she just smiles…
How to know?
That’s just a day with Rads...
Just like any other day really…
She’s just five...
Or maybe six...
But definitely not a day older...
But she’ll be tomorrow...
And one day…
Even twenty seven...
That smile might fade…
She needs to know...
What brings her here...
Here... on earth....
What’s she here for?
How to reach her?
It’s a mission...
Her key seems missing...
But her favourite teacher...?
She’s her favourite for a reason...
She dances and draws...
Pictures of clouds and rain...
Of oceans...
Of fish and frogs…
Does the phonics…
Sings with her...
Tries to dance…
But exam!!
That’s a far fetched dream...
Really…
For Rads to figure out the sense of an exam!
Rads!
Rads.... Oh! Rads need to focus...
Beyond huts and smiles...
She needs to know what to do...
Pausing at that thought a lot!
At times...
A whole night...
What if she already does know..
What if she’s an angel for us?
Nothing bothering her at all...
Not marks…
Not exams...
No idea of the real world...
She’s oblivious...
Obviously oblivious....
Smiles at us...
Who are worried for her ..
What if...
She’s the key...
And she’s smiling because we’re so locked...
Locked up in systems...
In customs...
Traditions...
Expectations ..
Testing ourselves to exams?!
Maybe we’re making fun of ourselves...
And she’s just smirking?
Or smiling in disbelief in how much we care...
How much it matters...
All that dancing and singing...
Getting the pronunciation right...
Spellings and books....
To finally…
Really just to build huts for ourselves...
Churning out more hut builders...
She just draws them...
Crayons them...
Shows them and smiles...
Smiles...
Doesn’t even bother showing them at times...
Really...
Appreciation doesn’t matter to her at all...
She’s so satisfied...
Unaware...
No...
Innocent…?
Yeah, must be innocent…
But not as a child should be...
Children are innocent…
But Rads comes across as far superior..
Rads!
Was she Krishna’s girlfriend…
Radhika!
A girlfriend…
In a life that got too famous...
Maybe then too she smiled...
Knowing that she was just one of them...
Who was there...
There… on Earth!
To be a story...
To be a lyrics...
To be in picture...
On walls and clothes...
With her favourite teacher...
A lover...
A friend...
Was he with her because he just couldn’t give up?
And she could simply smile it off?
Krishna could be a lady too?!
A teacher...
A warrior...
A friend...
A beggar...
Persuading her to get serious...
To understand the rules...
The requirements...
The protocols...
But... all she did was smiled...
Drew huts ...
Ate her fruits...
Smiled and welcomed...
And drew just some more huts..
No people..
No tress…
No clouds…
Not a bird in sight…
Taught her that dogs do bow bow…
And cats, mew…
Asked to check with her…
What does a dog do?
Mew!
Confidently, with that smile… Mew!
No, bow!
She said..
No, bow!
Ok!
She too said…
Ok!
Smiled!
And cats?
Mew.
Ok… Good…
Ok…
Good!
Smile!
Dogs?
Mew!
Sigh!
Rubbed my eyes…
She smiled…
Poised!
Picked up another colour and filled in her hut!
Radhika!
What does a dog say baby?
Smile…
Blank!
No idea what I was talking about!
Rads...
She’s just five...
It’s been over two months with her...
She’s still just five...
Not a day older!
How to crack into her?
Or is she just like that...?
Rads has a mono tone...
Even during phonics...
Even during bhangra ..
Doesn’t matter Coldplay or Metallica...
Rads got it sorted....
Same smile...
Not an extra twinkle...
Never upset or annoyed...
Not hurt?
No idea...
Never seen her cry...
Never seen her laugh..
Just that smile!
There’s a lot to do...
No giving up on Rads....
It’s just not possible not to think about her...
Just a constant war in my head...
Am I nuts or is she?!
She’s just a child!
But then....
That’s exactly the point....
She’s just a child.....
How’s she so....
So aware ...
So attained of Nirvana??!!!
Why’s she so calm...
So poised...
So unapologetically chilled out!
Does she need treatment?
But for what?
What’s her fault?
She doesn’t study!
She keeps smiling and drawing huts!
Her family is poor...
What’s her future??
Marriage?
Kids?
Smiling forever??
ADHD?
Something like that maybe?
Autism...
Or something else?
Pondering again...
These words weren’t as famous when we were growing up...
And I didn’t have any friends like Rads....
How to know for sure. .
There’s no money...
Need volunteers...
But could they be trusted?
Oh yes... of course....
It only needs love, time, understanding…
Not getting sad or feel disabled!
And if we did find out...
How would it really matter?
Would it really matter?
Some marks...
Exams?
Education...
Instead...
Could buy her drawings...
Could let her make huts...
Let’s just not hurt her...
Let’s not find out...
No need for tests...
Any meds or sessions...
Just let her be...
Will buy her drawings...
Will make her rich!
Gift her a hut...
A hug...
A smile...
Hold her close...
Get her new clothes...
A uniform that fits...
Books of huts...
Books for huts…
Picture of clowns...
Who smile...
And love to smile...
For the Radhas...
Radhikas...
Krishnas...
And whoever else...
Her favourite teacher...
Rads it is!
Her smile it is...
Tomorrow will happen again...
She’ll follow her around...
Smile and draw...
Dance and sing...
She’ll forget again...
She’ll be back again...
It’s two months already...
It’ll be two years too...
Rads might care...
Might remember her phonics...
Those words...
Songs...
May use a different expression...
A frown maybe?
Some discomfort?
Oh no no...
No..
Maybe smile is better...
When the world’s upset...
When people fight and kill...
Maybe her smile will glow...
Maybe that’s why she’s here...
Let’s pray it lasts?
For a life and beyond...
A smile that never fades....
Rads Rads....
Oh Rads!
Your favourite teacher will watch you smile...
Will try her best to protect you from tests...
From exams...
From the pressure of the system...
She’ll find a way...
You’re just five...
Let’s wait and watch...
... Let’s just wait and watch!
That was just a day with Rads....
It takes a village to grow a child!
And Rads?
Rads too will grow!
By Manjori Sanyal
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