Name That Colombo Baby - By Tanya Warnakulasuriya (writing as T.P. Tovenaar, performing as The Twitchy Witch)

Written By: Tanya Warnakulasuriya (writing as T.P. Tovenaar, performing as The Twitchy Witch)

Category: Poetry

Competition: Global Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026

Tanya Warnakulasuriya, known in the literary world as T.P. Tovenaar and performing as The Twitchy Witch, presents her poem "Name That Colombo Baby" in the Poetry category for the Global Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026. This intriguing piece delves into the cultural dynamics and identity concerns surrounding naming conventions in Colombo, offering a satirical glimpse into societal norms and expectations. Through her distinctive voice, T.P. Tovenaar masterfully captures the complexities of modern Sri Lankan society.

About the Work

"Name That Colombo Baby" is a satirical exploration of cultural identity and societal expectations in Colombo, Sri Lanka. T.P. Tovenaar employs vibrant imagery and rhythmic wordplay to highlight the humorous yet poignant discourse on naming conventions. The poem cleverly critiques the influence of Western and Indian cultures on local traditions, using wit to underscore the paradoxes of modern identity. Tovenaar's work engages readers with its sharp observations and candid portrayal of societal ironies.

Name That Colombo Baby

Original Submission by Tanya Warnakulasuriya (writing as T.P. Tovenaar, performing as The Twitchy Witch)

Name that colombo Baby

By The Twitchy Witch

Written by T.P. Tovenaar

The other day I did retreat

To a Colombo café for something to eat

But as I tucked into

My pie of Banofee,

My ears were assaulted

By a horrendous cacophony

4 women had descended

Onto the table to my left

From some planning committee

I hoped, for an institute for the deaf.

Impeccably dressed

Designer bags in tow

They released their drivers

from servitude “You can go,”

“Take your lunch,

Then pick up the child,

Then come back for me,

And here, don’t drive too wild”

Directives completed they sank back exhausted

It was such hard work

Being a Colombo Elite daughter

I noticed one committee member

Was in the throes of heavy pregnancy

The others offered parental insights

For her Colombo legacy

“My husband insists he will not be called Thathi.

Its Daddy or nothing else”

“My in-laws are such an embarrassment,

Ceeya and Archie, they call themselves chickayyy”

“Here, you should go for an Indian name.

“Indian names are so so cool,

If it’s a boy you should call it Arooon,

Aroon right now is the trend.”

It sounded like the Sri Lankan Arun,

With a few more ooos at the end

But I suppose a country illumined by Bollywood

Has Aroons that make ladies swoon,

Whilst Aruns brought up on island mentality,

Are showered in inadequacy and gloom.

“Here, you should go for English names,

Villiam, and Gray-ham are class,

Harry , Ronald and Hermione, are magical

And princesses, Meghan and Katherine – shaaa”

“But, be careful with English names, “

One lady extolled doom.

Make sure they can be shortened

Like my name Louise becomes Lou.

She tearfully told of her daughter

Whom she had christened Ursula

Demonstrating her love of Shakespeare

Much Ado and Two Gentlemen of Verona

But the Sri Lankan love of abbreviation

Had reduced poor Ursula to a moribund automation

“The children call her Urs,

“And now everyone thinks she’s a hearse

They ask he if she lives in a cemetery

And if she sleeps in a crypt

They wish her Happy Birthday on Halloween

And they call he sister a witch

Keen to assuage the poor woman’s anguish

I decided to be the stranger who cared

“Dear Madam don’t let such childish ignorance upset you,

“The name Ursula actually means female bear”

The woman looked at me aghast,

I felt I needed to clarify fast,

Why anyone would want to call their child a bear

Is hard to comprehend I’m sure

But in Europe the bear was revered

As a symbol of courage and power so pure.

Sadly, in Sri Lanka our bears aren’t so grand,

Sloth bears are shambling and raggedy.

They look more like oversized badgers than symbols of strength

So, its still a bit of a tragedy

To call your daughter a female sloth bear

But dear lady ,its better than a hearse

And whilst Western mums are scrambling for a little Eastern grace

Naming their babies Satya, Anaya, Suri ad Elan

Its seems only fair that Eastern mums borrow

Names from the Western race

Not so much cultural misappropriation

Rather a cultural mix and match swap

A demonstration of the cyclical irony of fashion

The Emperor’s clothes that never stops

When Sri Lanka was ruled by The British

We had our names expunged

Piyadasa became Peter

Sita now Sally, for the ease of the Westen tongue

It was the moniker of colonialism

We were little brown versions of our masters

A pretense to make us feel part of the gang

Allegiance to the crown prevented revolutionary disasters

And even today, though the crown has long gone

Colombo still pays homage to the West

Naming Her children after European bears

Because bears from the West are the best.

About the Competition

The Global Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026 by Hashtag Kalakar is a prestigious platform celebrating diverse voices in poetry and creative writing. It encourages writers worldwide to showcase their talents and engage with global themes, fostering a rich exchange of ideas and artistic expression. The competition is renowned for its commitment to literary excellence and cultural dialogue, making it a significant event in the creative arts calendar.

We extend our heartfelt thanks to Tanya Warnakulasuriya for her insightful contribution, "Name That Colombo Baby," to the Global Poetry and Creative Writing Competition 2026. Her work enriches the dialogue on cultural identity and societal norms. We look forward to witnessing her continued journey in the world of poetry and creative writing.

About Hashtag Kalakar

Hashtag Kalakar is a creative platform dedicated to providing artists, writers, singers and other creative talents with opportunities to showcase their work and reach wider audiences through competitions, features and creative initiatives.