My Truest Feelings

By Siva Subrahmanyam

Karan Nath

Ajay had been waiting at the cafe for over half an hour . He was like a bundle of nerves. He kept looking expectantly at the door as people kept coming and going, but the person he was waiting for had still not come. The air conditioner was working perfectly and the cafe was also not too crowded for a weekend, but his palms were wet as a towel. To top it all he had forgotten his handkerchief today.

The tissues and glasses of water had been cleared a couple of times from his table . The waiter who was assigned to his table, seemed perplexed as Ajay was not ordering anything, but he had glanced the menu from top to bottom many times.

He kept circling his finger on an item every now and then as a slight smile would pass the corner of his lips. The wait had made him so anxious that he was sweating from his armpits as a wet spot could be seen on his pink shirt whenever he lifted his right arm.

Ajay tapped the floor with his right foot and kept checking his watch in between as he sat with his hands clasped. It was 6:15 pm, which was well over the decided meeting time.

Subconsciously he opened the photos on his phone. He flipped through one photo after another of a girl as he smiled and rejoiced those moments.

Neeti kept calling him to check on the status, but it was same as before. It had been over two months since they had been talking to each other. But it was going to be their first face to face meeting. The sun was about to set as the rays of the sun glazed the white marble floor as the moment finally arrived. She looked around inquisitively as she walked towards him. Ajay sat with his hands clasped with his head rested against them.

A voice greeted him “Good evening Mr Khosla.” Ajay looked up at the tall and beautiful woman, dressed in a green suit standing in front of him. She apologised for being late as Ajay got up from his seat. He listened to her absentmindedly. After a few minutes he spoke and asked her “Where is she?”. “Oh she is here” as she turned around to look for her. Ananya was hiding behind Trishala and as soon as he looked at her a tear trickled down his left cheek as she giggled wholeheartedly.

Ajay bent down on one knee to the floor and put his right hand forward to shake hands with her. She looked up hesitantly at her mother , seeking permission. Trishala nodded in a yes. Ananya immediately shot out her hand to greet him. Ajay was overwhelmed with her touch as he asked in a choked voice “How are you doing Ananya?’ “It’s very nice to meet you.” She seemed confused as she pulled her hand away and hid behind her mother.

Ajay wiped his eyes from the back of his hand as he tried to keep his emotions in check. He got up and thanked Trishala for coming. Trishala replied “Don’t embarrass me Mr. Khosla, it has to be me who needs to be thankful for what you did for me, despite your loss.”

This statement from Trishala brought back memories of that fateful night , when he and his family had met with that tragic accident, which changed his life forever. It was Ajay and Neeti’s daughter Ria’s sixth birthday. They were travelling on the Mumbai – Pune expressway as they had made an impromptu plan to celebrate it with her grandparents. They had started off at around 7 pm so that they could reach their place before the clock struck twelve. They were more than half way through to their destination when that tragic accident took place. A bus which was travelling at high speed, crashed into Ajay’s car after losing control. The crash was so bad that his car was dragged along with the bus for around two hundred metres before it came to a halt.

By the time help arrived Neeti’s feet were crushed between the engine and the front passenger seat and Ria’s head was profusely bleeding after her head had banged against the handbrake of the car and Ajay had fallen unconscious with the impact of the accident.

Two hours later at the hospital, when Ajay was back in his senses he was informed by the on duty doctor that Neeti had been crippled from below her waist and his daughter Ria had been declared brain dead. The doctor had asked Ajay after he had regained composure if he would want to donate Ria’s organs as there was a child who needed a heart transplant and Ria was her perfect match. Post consultation with Neeti on this, they took the call to go ahead with it. The lucky donor was Ananya.

The three of them sat on the table as Ajay ordered Ria’s favourite chocolate pastry for Ananya. She smiled gleefully when the pastry came and started eating it joyfully. Ajay was in conversation with Trishala but his gaze from the corner of the eye was on Ananya. Trishala asked Ajay about Neeti and that if she would be joining them. Ajay candidly replied that she couldn’t gather enough courage to come. He continued “But if you allow can Ananya speak with her over a video call.” She gladly agreed. As Neeti’s phone rang , she picked up the call and said “Hello.”

Ajay moved the phone towards Trishala and Ananya. The moment Ananya said “Hello aunty” in her sweet voice. Neeti cried uncontrollably. Ajay realised it wasn’t the wisest decision he had ever made as Neeti disconnected the call.

Ajay seemed apologetic at what had transpired as Trishala thought it wise to leave. She got up from her seat to leave but Ananya left her hand and walked towards Ajay and asked him innocently “Uncle can I have another chocolate pastry.” Ajay nodded ambivalently as he picked her up in his arms and pecked her on the cheek as he ordered another chocolate pastry.

Karan Nath