My Success in Failure

By Gowri Bharathidasan

Every day, I used to say “I will rule this world with my writing.”

Every day, I procured this poised nature in me just to soothe my inner self, even when I never grasped the glory of a renowned writer.

Every day, I found solace in my words, and it honestly heartened me to write more.

Every day, I deliberately curbed myself from worldly pleasures to reach my eternal goal in writing.

Every day, I increased the stints I spent in my illusory world just to draft it perfectly in my artistic work. 

Every day, I collected interesting sources from the outer world to invest more in my inventiveness. 

Every day, my mind and my hand wrote something consciously even when it made no sense. 

Every day, I communicated with my writing and one day, it replied to me as a complete work.

Every day, my writer self patiently awaited to get the prolonged desire of getting true esteem from the others.

Every day, I wanted to be an exhilarated onlooker and witness someone enjoy reading my work without knowing I’m the author of it. 

Every day, I recreated the exceptional moments of my work in my mind and got joy like I’m reading it for the first time. 

Every day, I became lonelier and lonelier,  with a vast emptiness in me for completing my first work and for not knowing how to start my next work.  

Every day, these lonelier thoughts affected my whole being and caged me from the outer world. 

Every day moved carelessly with the careful waiting of receiving a valuable comment on my first work, which will surely sail me to create my next.

Every day started with the enervating of my hope and finally, I accepted my success in getting failure in my first work

Every day, I bawled, mourned, yearned, hatred, and questioned my self.

Every day, my broken feelings spread like viruses in my writer self, and they affected me viciously.

Every day, my normal prayers to God turned into complaints for blessing me with this writing treasure, even when he knew I  would suffer like this. 

Every day, the thought of abandoning my writing side haunted me intensely, but I never allowed it to happen.

Every day, I woke up with blind hope and stuck to it for the next few years. 

Every day, the realizing moment of my first failure heartened me to accomplish something great that couldn’t be done by others 

Every day, I heard a lot of suggestions to stop my true trying of becoming an established writer only to satisfy them by doing the typical feminine works.

Nowadays, I started breathing freely even when I get any breath taking failure in my writing journey.

Nowadays, my optimistic thinking saved me from entering the hell of worrying and visualized the real meaning of failure.

Nowadays, the writer in me has discerned that my succession in failure is actually a “helping miracle”, happened to lead me further in my writing journey to make it more successful. 

By Gowri Bharathidasan