My Shadow, My friend

By Divinya Banerjee

n this era of modernity, austere competition and great endeavors, our minds are conditioned in a manner in which we are enticed to believe that it is the aspirations and accomplishments, which ultimately constitute the essence of an individual. While we try to materialize our ineffable dreams, amidst the mental disarray, we often lose touch with our own selves. It becomes quite a travail, to look into ourselves and identify with the person we once used to be. It is, at imminent times like these, where we stand at the verge of becoming aliens to our own minds and bodies, that our very own shadows, remind us of who we are, by reflecting what we represent as an individual.

Personally, I have always found solace in the shadow that I cast. Since a very young age, my mind, though fickle and impressionable, had gained the wisdom that although our shadows appear dark and inconsequential, they are, truly an embodiment of every little aspect that make us into a human being. Over the years, my shadow has provided me companionship, by acting as a guide, a mirror.

Being popular, is not easy. Having the limelight fall on you, has its own threats, especially in a country like India, where every small step is measured, where the most nugatory statements and actions cause a wildfire!

In my school days, I was always one of the most popular ones. Today, in college too, I have, in my own way, made a mark. At times of introspection, I realize that every time I did something difficult, every time I toiled to achieve something in life, every time I traversed through darkness, it is indeed my shadow, which accompanied me through the prolonged years of perpetual struggles, reassuring me, that there is light at the end of the tunnel. It was my own shadow, a reflection of my values and ethics, which was my source of direction and purpose, which gave me its incessant assistance in reaching where I am today.

As the saying goes, ''the higher you reach, the lonelier you get.'' The same happened to me, quite contrary to what we believe to be the idea of fame, even in the smallest amount.

As a teen, the idea of reaching new heights in life, seemed all consuming to me. I let my ambitions grow, and worked relentlessly towards my goals. However, as I became more and more popular in my school due to my academic results, stage appearances and so forth, I found myself to be alone. Not to sound arrogant, but I stood on a pedestal...alone. Albeit being surrounded my hundreds ,every single day, I was not only deprived of human ties in the form of unadulterated friendship, but I also felt the pangs of loneliness. Somehow, the same set of friends with whom I used to spend all my time, now saw me as an alien to their group, perhaps because of how our academic lives changed.

This is when, my shadow reminded me that I have a friend, for life. One, who will never abandon me. One, who will be physically present with me at times of joy and sorrow. One, who will mould itself along with me.

As a young girl, when I used to walk back home through secluded streets with no one but my own self to converse with, my shadow led the way for me. As I indulged in frivolous girlish stunts in the streets, my shadow did the same…giving me a friend to share those momentary pleasures with.

Those innumerable nights that I have stayed up studying, my shadow has toiled too, reiterating the presence of a constant companion.

In my school days, just before an annual day function, at the time of nervousness and dithery , I found comfort in the ‘unshaken’ confidence and courage emitted by my shadow in the backstage, just before emerging into the spotlight, in front of hundreds of people.

Although the dimensions of my thoughts and actions have changed drastically over these years, my shadow, along with being a friend, has played the role of a mysterious mirror, giving me the invaluable means of self analysis and a medium for bringing about necessary changes within myself. This mirror, has given me the power to overcome my fears and be transparent, because at times of questioning the plausibility of my endeavors, this mirror has shown me the reflection of an ordinary young girl, capable of extraordinary achievements, through her perseverance and sincerity.

My shadow has played an instrumental role in my life. As unpleasant as it sounds, I too, have sought shelter behind my shadow in doing things which I could not have openly done. Practically speaking, many a time, in order to chase my dreams, I have pulled a few strings anonymously, with my shadow guarding me from the glares of people around me.

As I sit in my empty room, and pen down these thoughts in the dim light of my night lamp, while the world sleeps, I know my friend is awake…actively processing my movements, correcting me when I am wrong, and encouraging me when I am right. For as long as I can remember, my shadow, although mostly associated with darkness , has always brought light in my life by acting as a true friend and as an unbiased mentor.

By Divinya Banerjee