My Failed Attempts at Resting

By Sumedha Gupta

I took a break

And the hardest thing I had to do was–

To just be. 

Without a plan. Without a time table

The to do list

The clock running in my head

Things to be done, and quickly

Or the time will run out

I'll be left behind

My career on the thin ice 

of a constantly melting lake of time

Why?

Why the rush?

Pause

Pause in this very moment

Feel the tension in your chest

Feel the emotion you've been avoiding

Feel the ache and despair and anger

Let the negative shameful emotions surface

Feel the relief of letting yourself be

Just be

Without judgement or criticism

Without expectations 

Closed eyes

Deep breaths

Harmony

Equilibrium

Homeostasis

In this moment,

I am truly alive.

We associate guilt with rest

Even when rest is what we need most

We are programmed to always be working 

Hamsters on a wheel

Failing to rest

“How can I need rest

I'm not that weak

I'm strong 

I'll battle through 

Fight the exhaustion”

Only to cause more exhaustion 

And a need for greater strength each time 

And one day the cycle will cease

When I'll have no strength left

I'll be spent

Burnt

Empty 

Nothing left to give

Only then,

Will I rest,

And still,

The hardest thing I'd have to do would be

To JUST BE.

By Sumedha Gupta