Monolithic Man

By Md Farhan Khan

I think I might be healing

From the scars I never even knew.

I used to not have any feeling.

Look at me now;

It’s pretty neat to be in sorrow,

Mourning for myself now.

I open my messages

And say to someone,

But now I look at the screen—

A face with nothing to show,

Empty eyes like fishes, laying dead.

I rear my ugly head and open to say,

Only to look at an empty sight

With no one to talk to.

Never did I even cry;

Now I want to express.

It’s not that I have no one to say,

It’s that I can’t say—

Talented to write pages

Of words and art,

But incapable of saying a word on how it felt.

It’s the question of why or how;

It’s not even a question but a lack thereof—

Lack of emotions and whatnots.

It’s not their mistake;

The fault is mine,

Because I can’t say,

I don’t know how to express.

Like a monolith, I have aged,

A rocky man, to say—

A stone with no change,

Neither the scars pain,

Nor the wounds pain.

Oh, but I was not like this once;

I was born with smiles, dime a dozen,

A ball of sunshine and smiles to adorn,

A kid with light in his eyes and bright in his mind.

He was kind, so much kind.

It feels like a dream, about that time,

But he isn’t alive—

Not anymore; he was killed by the hands

Of none other than mine.

I have changed,

From a rock to a really weak man.

Oh, I’m sorry to say,

That was just a second for a change.

I’m still the same,

A man with no friends

Or anyone to say.

Don’t pity me, oh spectating man

Or woman; it’s the same for me in the end.

I have none to experience fear,

None, as in connection ever with anyone.

And its lack is nothing to be concerned about,

For I have never tasted one, trusted anyone.

I am a monolith with scars—

Festering wounds—but not a feel of them.

They can tear at my form with nothing to gain

Because it’s dense, hard, and dead all in there.

Paranoid, insecure, and untrustworthy

Is what I remain.

It’s okay because I can live like this,

Because I am made like that anyway.

By Md Farhan Khan