Midnight Dream

By Velington Afonso

Phew! The worst was over. It took longer than I had expected for the sleeping pills to work; for the

beasts to go down.  

Unlike most Goan houses Mario’s house was always closed – (Everyone knew what the reason was

but chose to look the other side, on the other hand, his mother's place was always welcoming -

where Mario nested most of the time.) – Closed- but not locked. I used the ‘all-purpose machine oil’,

just to be extra careful so that the door does not sing me a welcome song. I expected it to be

guarded, now that his mother was at his daughter's party. I waited for the oil to turn iron into silk, I

slowly pushed opened the door and myself inside. I poly quickly, behind the window drapes. The old

pendulum clock was parading with my heartbeat that was taking a pace. My hands were trembling. I

started counting in reverse to calm myself. As if the childish countdown would end it and so would

the fearsome episode. It wasn’t a game; it wasn't even a movie to end. And from the veil of my

thoughts, my eyes were searching his man hound not to find me, if there was one. In course, my

eyes captured Mario's love for St. Francis Xavier - patron saint of Goa; idols and pictures staring at

me through the darkness of the room.  

This was not my first time at Maria's place. I would offend come here with Evans and to support his

miserable efforts to ask Aurora out. She was a kind hearted lady; humble as water but stiff as ice,

soft spoken and a respected woman. She lived a life completely off Mario's earnings. This however

was my first time sneaking into their house or any house.  

‘I shouldn’t have come! This was a mistake.’ (I nervously adjusted my head mask). ‘If only I had not

met Evans yesterday. And I wouldn't have if I had visited my accenteral house’. With every wet salt

that rolled down my temples, I pictured our conversation in great detail. Every moment of it was all

before my eyes playing theatrics before craving for its grand prestige.  

“He will crack open the safe and steal the rocks at midnight,” I remember Evans with his over-hyped

voice and loud hand gestures telling me in a hushed tone, the recent secret which my idiotic -

notorious cousin brother - Darshan; had blurted out only to Evans. “Mario’s safe? The Mario’s

safe??? Our thug Mario?”  I had inquired repeatedly, excited. As he had gone on revealing to me the

whole plan, the devil inside my head was dressing me in a black cavalier to knock out my cousin’s

Idea. My brain was soaking in every detailed word of Evans. My eyes were picturing my triumph and

Darshan’s defeat. I lost Evans and his trifling part of his conversation as if I turned him down to a

mute and I nodded like a bubble head. 

The rivalry between Darshan and I was age old. We competed in almost everything; petty

competition but everything - as to who breaths more air to whose physic is better? We were tight

once; all 3 of us, inseparable and one day -  no one remembers – neither Darshan nor Evans nor I,

how we fell apart. I do not know when or how or what took of the leash and made either of us to

cross the line.  But we did; unintentionally, accidently or may even be coincidently we did.  

The blinking tube light had snapped me back to reality and to my surprise, Mario had locked the hall

door and had moved out. I was surprised to see him, I assumed I would run into one of his thugs.

Who would leave his daughter's birthday party? Well, Mario would.  

But as the hourglass was piling with sand grains, I knew my cousin would be there soon. I cautiously

walked towards the locker room and push the door open; it was a narrow small room with half

cemented bricks– the one, I knew Mario had constructed, as his illicit business flourished. It was dark

inside. I tapped the wall blindly to search the switchboard, I couldn’t find it. I moved, swaying my

hands in the air till I head bumped into a hanging single switch. The light was dim, but the junk-filled

room was still not hidden (not all within the room was junk). What looked like junk were some

priceless old antique statues along with empty beer bottles and Urak barrels. Somewhere at the

corner was the ‘main course’. As I walked towards the safe, I clenched my fists till my nails pierced

in my palm. I was frantic. I slowly opened my fists as I walked and slipped my hands in my jeans

pockets and I froze. I had forgotten my cell phone on which I had worked out the possible

combinations to the locker. Then I almost ran a few steps towards the locker, overly confident of my

prowess of figuring out the complex combination without any aid. 

As I kneeled on the floor the opera had begun with words of my dead uncle singing tunes in my head

laughing making a crescendo on a piano accompanying it. And how can I forget Dharshan? With his

smug face staring at me, orchestrating the whole thing. I felt terrible! The years of hatred was

fueling inside me. I was helpless. I was so close and yet 6 numbers far. With my left hand, I vellicated

the opening edge of the locker from the bottom to the top like teasing a woman to undo her

clothing. Meanwhile, my brain was trying to recollect the digits. Then it was dawn in the middle of

the night; I saw the chink. The locker was not locked after all (definitely not a trait of a Goan).

Contentedly astonished by Mario’s idiocy for not locking the safe, I opened the locker and to my

dismay it was empty. I felt like an imbecile. I could smell the paint like it was new – ‘maybe it is the

failure I can smell’, I told myself. I felt sick from my belly; like injected with an overdose of failure,

frustration, thrashing, and mortification all at once. I wasn't sure anymore what was happening. A

spring of thoughts burst open in my parched head: ‘did he take the diamonds along with him?’ - ‘He

must have!’ A thought whispered to my thought, and then another thought, ‘Or could it be my

cousin who had a change of plan and came early? Or did Evans's hear half the plan as he always did

in excitement? Or did the greed get better of Evans?’ I instantly shook my head and erased my last

thought. I, myself was confounded. I pushed myself up from the floor.  Perspiring and with my throat

dry, I walked towards the kitchen with the anchors of disappointment. There was enough light

coming from the hall, so I did not bother to search the switch and walked the maze like it was my

playhouse. Until, I tumbled over a small wooden stool, bumping my head on the marble floor.  

ICE!!! – The first thought that came to me after realizing where I was, looking at the refrigerator.

Rusted old cyan box, I could not care less, opened the deep freezer and luckily there was ice. I took

the ice cubes mechanically after rotating the trays.  Placed them in my head mask and pressed

against the bump of a speed break on my head. Trying to swallow my dry spit I regained my urge for

water. I placed a few cubes in the glass, pressing with my left hand the ice on the bump, trying to

avoid the cobweb of thoughts spinning in my head. At this point, I did not careless, about Mario or

Darshan walking on me. 

Frozen like a gecko a series of snapshots ran into my head linking incidents to incidents like that

prodigious kid joining every dot with his pencil without a mistake: I saw Evans who was the only

family I had, despite having the family which shared the same blood.  He was always there for me

when my uncles disowned me. We fought for petty things with Darshan and yet never gave up even

after losing. How Darshan use to bully me around with his father, being at someone’s mercy for too

long, that only burnt picture of a woman... 

The devil was nudging me, mocking me, over my snapshots; laughing at me, reminding me of what a

dis-contentious let-down I was. What I refused to believe all these years, what was always push

down my throat by my dysfunctional family; now I had to accept. I couldn't believe, I blew this

chance to prove myself and get away from all of this. Have a new start, have a new life, like a clean

slate; sta…. ah! Something sharp had pricked my forehead interrupting my thoughts...I opened my

headband. 

Could it? Could it be? Diamonds?! The cunning fox had hidden the diamonds in an ice Tray. It wasn’t

my stupid cousin then – knowing that was a relief. And just like that, there were unicorns and

leprechauns sliding down the rainbow in my head. Without wasting a moment, I emptied both the

ice trays in the strainer - Less of 5 of 24 cubes. I went to turn on the tap and I heard a thud! I now

checked my watch quickly. I will never forget the digits; 12.06 am and the seconds were still running.

I immediately put the ice cubes into my pocket and sneaked out from the kitchen window. I jumped

like I could fly and ran holding my wet pockets. I would have run even if I had a broken leg. I said to

myself there is no stopping me today. I could feel my fist getting tighter appetizing the diamonds

against my trouser pockets as the rain melted the ice. And then I stopped. The night was nearly

dead, except for 'Toiem Xeth’ where the idols were being emerged in the pond and the after party

was just getting started.  I could hear the Dhol, Tasha, Bhajan Aarti, firecrackers and the crowd from

afar taking the day and a half’s Ganesh idols for Visarjan. I could have joined the crowd or simply run

home but I stopped! And there he was yet again - the devil- was inviting me once again to mount a

horse and go back into the house to see the saddened and cantankerous look on my cousin’s face

and he whispered, ‘it will be worth it.’ So, I struggle to get through the same kitchen window (the

same one, I jumped out from) after making sure there was no one there. Besty and Snowie were still

sleeping, I am sure, Darshan must have thought, and credited Karma and the Universe for it. 

I carefully tiptoed to the locker room and peeked. I could see my cousin all over the place as he

moved, I pulled my head back. I peeked in again and this time I saw my cousin’s angry disappointed

face. He was disgustingly biting his goatee as he always does when things don't work his way. I saw

the blood on his knuckles and mapped it to the bloodstains on the white wall in the room. I thought

to myself “how silly of him, now he will be easily caught.” There was a ‘Grinch smile’ on my face for

my cousin had unplugged his own Christmas tree. Content with myself I move towards the kitchen

window for an exit. I did not want to jump again but I was powerless to be otherwise. I saw the glass

I had used on the table staring and waving at me and the strainer in the sink and my head mask lying

there. The floor was slightly moist as well.  It hit me I could be in trouble for this but I couldn't wash

the glass as it would have notified my cousin of someone’s presence in the house. 

I hastily tied the wet mask back on my head. And made an impulsive decision to take the glass along.

As I was shoving the glass in my pocket and placing the strainer with my other hand, I dropped the

strainer and it made enough noise to alert my cousin. I did not waste any time, I jostled myself out of

the window and I fell on the green velvety ground holding my pockets. While I picked myself up. I

felt remorse for going back. And now there was a possibility my cousin had seen me – maybe he did

or maybe he didn’t but I was too scared to look behind so I ran like there was no tomorrow with a

hope he was not tailing me. After running for almost a mile panting, wheezing, gasping for air I

stopped. I looked behind to make sure no one was following and checked my pocket for the stones.  

Now that I felt safe, I made my way back home. As I unlocked the door, I felt someone was watching

me, I turned. I could see no one but heard the cricket and the moon shining on me from the palm

tree of my neighbour’s yard, lying to me as if it had never rained. I placed the diamonds in the talc

box after entering the house as it was planned. I was subconsciously touching my forehead because

of the pain and the bump I had due to the fall, simultaneously I placed the glass from my pocket on

the kitchen table. I stripped from my wet clothes and jumped into my cozy pajamas and headed for

the bed. I noticed my cell phone – I had forgotten to unplug from the charge source – its notification

light was breathing. I had 12 missed calls; 5 of which were of Evans and the rest of the people who

probably wanted me for Visarjan or so, as I had a very few numbers saved on my phone – lazy or

just too arrogant to give a damn. I fleetingly remembered the time when we used to

install Ganesha at our ancestral house, and from the corner of my eye I saw the mobile light blinking

and I was back on the bed from memory lane.  I thought, I would meet Evans the next morning. And

that I should go for the Visarjan, as it would help me have an alibi if things go south. But I killed that

thought instantly and laid on my back with my head resting on my pillow and hands resting on my

chest, through the rotating blades of the fan I could see the tiled roof. I closed my eyes and I tried to

sleep. The whole episode and its alternatives of what could have happened played in my mind.

‘What if Darshan had caught me? What if Mario had seen me? What if I had not found the

diamonds? What if the...’ With a jerk I got up and sat. I wore my slippers, took the umbrella, carried

the stones along and I did not forget my phone this time, as I went to see Evans.  ‘I had to tell him.’

He lived in the opposite lane. I ran the whole occurrence in my head again to tell him.  

As I approached his house, I got Goosebumps as I recognized the number plate of the black sedan. I

stopped walking. The dark sky started crying again. I opened my umbrella and walked off the tar

road, towards the mango tree. The sedan had barely could fit in the lane. I was certain it was my

arrogant cousin who must have hard-pressed the car in. I said to myself “what could he be doing

here at this hour?” I had a few theories of my own; As Evans was the only one who knew about the

heist along with Darshan, so maybe Darshan was confronting him of stealing or maybe Darshan was

stupid enough that he came to Evans with another plan of his. I giggled from within, with no

laughter; playing modesty and arrogance together. Whatever it was, I knew, nothing could possibly

go wrong, there was no sort of this situation that Darshan could have come on top. I was the baton

and I was leading the orchestra now!  

I saw Darshan come out of Evans's house. He was more scared than I was at Mario’s place. He was

moving his head so swiftly it could come off anytime. I couldn't risk being seen by him so I hid behind

the mango tree, closing the umbrella. Now I could hear my heart beat louder than the cricket. No

sooner did Darshan leave, I leaped over the fence as usual, I do not remember, ever using the main

gate to enter Evan’s avó’s house. The veranda was lit, as much as it should be, because the street

light was generous it could be. I was drenched, and I did not care, I was certain, Evans would not

care either. I switched on the 3rd button on the switchboard with my muscle memory and the tube-

light started blinking. As my eyes were adjusting to seeing the room, trying to make sense of the

glimpses I could see as the light blinked: displaced table, chairs tumbled…darkness...photo-frames

shattered, a leg...darkness again...a LEG????!!! During those few million milliseconds the universe

slowed down and my brain was formulating theories and drawing conclusions of what could have

gone wrong and just then, there was a constant flow of light; clear and bright making all things

visible.  I was Numb, I didn't know what to expect, but maybe, I knew what was coming. I rushed; I

held the sofa and knelt. I wish I could see it differently; I wish I could replace him; I wish it wasn't

Evans. He was looking at me with no light in his eyes and his mouth was open with no life in it. Water

along with my tears dripped from my wet face on to him. My jaw dropped. I tried to call out his

name but no voice came out.  I nervously held his hand to check his pulse. His hand was warm but

there was no pulse.  I tried to revive him by pressing his chest but to no avail. I didn't know what to

do. I took his head and rested on my thighs. Caressing his face, unable to see him clearly through my

tears. With my right hand, I took the diamonds from my pocket and placed them in his and closed

his hand as I closed his eyes with my left hand.

By Velington Afonso